Tell Me How Good It Feels To Be Needed

because who doesn’t need a Christmas throwback to Santa Diego?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIGI!

“Don’t kid yourself, honey. A lot more people would want to sit on your lap.  Or - I mean - kids, of course.  A lot more kids, sitting on your lap,” Diego tried to recoup a potentially dirty comment and bring it back to something fun and innocent, like little children and Santa.  Which was technically what all of this was about, although in Diego’s mind other than Darcy this was the most fun he’d had all day. “You’re good with children.”

At least he had a ready excuse regarding his family.  There was only so much he could make up about them, and keep track of so that he didn’t accidentally slip up.  Since they actually did live in California, he said they lived in the state instead of making something up.  But that naturally meant people would inquire about him visiting them, or vice versa.  The truth was, despite his sister being only about a three-hour drive from Sunnymead (to Diego, who grew up in Texas, three-hours of driving was nothing), he hadn’t seen them since he’d relocated to the small town.  Naturally because his job was full-time, 24/7 when it came to looking after Darcy Palmer.  

And even before he and Darcy began to…appreciate each other’s company, he was more than happy to make his job his entire life.

So he easily responded,  “They’re going away for the holidays, some ski trip up north,” he reported and then shrugged.  “I’m not a skier, so I declined.” It occurred to Diego then that Juliana - from what he’d seen - hung out with a lot of older people, and a lot of children.  Not a lot of peers, though, other than her boyfriend. “What are you and your friends doing this holiday?”

Diego nodded and got a rather pleasant idea.  “Well you’ve been such a good little girl, Juliana, I think you’ll get what you want for Christmas: your father and your fellow will finally figure out a way to get along.  Maybe even bond.  Ho ho ho.”

Juliana quirked her eyebrow a little suspiciously at the start of his comment. When he clarified that he meant kids, she clicked her tongue and nodded her head. “Nice save there.” She replied, gently patting him on the shoulder. “Maybe next year I’ll volunteer to be one of Santa’s elves instead.” Kids would surely be willing to have a seat on her lap but there was a good chance that all they would say to her is you’re not Santa, where’s Santa, I wanna talk to Santa but at least as an elf she wouldn’t have to put up with that. “Thank you, I do have a good track record for being one of the best babysitters in town before I worked at the diner.”

She frowned a little at his answer, concerned that he chose not to join his family on a trip. Even if he wasn’t a skier it sounded like a good bonding moment for everyone. “Really? Skiing sounds like fun though. What are your plans instead?” Being with family sounded better than being alone but maybe he wasn’t as close to his family as he made it sound. That would be the only reason Juliana could think of why he would much rather be here than join them after they invited him.

She took a moment to think about it, she wondered if Diego probably assumed that she had more friends than she really did. Occasionally, she had a night out with some girls she knew in high school but while she was friendly with everyone she met, she didn’t actually have many friends besides the three she spent all her time with. “Well, usually Phoenix and I go out with our friends Dany and Zane, and that’s about it. Exchange gifts, do dumb shit, maybe a seance. The usual for our ragtag group.”

They truly were a loud and strange bunch, if they weren’t causing trouble for people in town then it really wasn’t a night out for them. Juliana wondered for a moment if their usual plans would have to be moved around now that Juliana was making Phoenix go with her to spend Christmas with her mom now that she was back. That was something they’d have to discuss.

Diego felt vaguely insulted at the idea of Carl paying him like an employee when he was a manager - and not just that, when he was a goddamn US Marshal - but he had to rein it in.  Because it was true.  Technically Carl was paying him, because Diego in Sunnymead was a mere employee.  His snobbiness had kicked in for a moment there though, and Diego once more glowered at what he considered a demeaning job: working a 9-5 at a grocery in a small town.  

He managed to grumble a “Yes, of course he is.  I think I deserve it, don’t I? Next year I’ll petition Darcy to put you in this suit.”

But of course immediately after Diego said it all he could think about was how cute Juliana would look in a Santa suit.  Possibly singing that song that girls loved to sing.  Something about Santa-baby, and a list of demands, and lots of hip-swinging.  He liked the hip-swinging part of it. 

He shook his head, feeling a stab of guilt when Juliana asked about his nieces.  “One’s in college, the other is in junior high.  You’d get along with them well, with your progressive thinking.” The idea of his nieces seeing him like this made Diego’s eyes roll so hard he even fell back heavy onto his throne.  “You seeing me like this is bad enough.”

Juliana did paint a sight though, at the idea of Phoenix coming to sit on his lap, solely to make Diego squirm in discomfort.  He recalled their vague, semi-threatening, stilted arrangement to be ‘friends’.  The kid was an odd one, and yet Diego couldn’t help but want the best for him.  No.  More than the best.  The kid deserved better, somehow, and so did Juliana.  And yet Diego knew they’d both waste all that energy and wisdom here, stuck in this small town forever. 

 Juliana hadn’t been given the same opportunities even his nieces had.  Both attended charter schools, both wanted for nothing. The older one was planning a trip to Europe next year and everything.  Juliana would probably be lucky if she one day made it to LA.

He rubbed her arm in an absent-minded, comforting way - distant and polite, but still effectively kindly.  Meeting Juliana’s eye again, Diego huffed a laugh.  “Alright.  But no one can grow facial hair as magnificently as your father.  If Phoenix should envy anyone, it should be Vincent.”

Juliana couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of her being petitioned to dress up as Santa. If she looked anything like Santa then she would gladly take part in dressing up and making children's Christmas a little more enjoyable. “I don’t think anyone would believe I was Santa so that wouldn’t really work out. Nobody would enjoy that.” The picture in her mind was her in this oversized Santa suit fit for a full grown man rather than a petite twenty year old girl. That would definitely confuse the kids but maybe some people would get a kick out of seeing it. 

"That’s right! I like the sound of them already!” She beamed at the idea of making the acquaintance of his nieces even if she knew nothing about them. She was good at getting along with people after all. “Any plans to see them for the holidays? You should have them come visit, have them swing by the diner and then I can tell them aaaall about you dressing up as Santa for the kiddies!” she grinned widely at him, making it hard to tell if she was being serious or just joking around. At the very least, inviting his nieces for Christmas was a serious suggestion, otherwise, Juliana wasn’t sure what his holiday plans were.

Which actually for a moment concerned her. Her plans had been the same for so many years, her and her dad would celebrate together and Skylar always invited them to join the rest of the Mae’s for dinner on Christmas Eve or breakfast on Christmas Day and now this year, she and Phoenix would be spending one of the days with her mother. Either way she was always surrounded by people but she never thought to inquire about Diego’s holidays. “Will they be coming? Or are you gonna visit them?”

“What can I say, I’m a man of charity,” Diego said, but the retort was a little too flippant even for his own taste.  He grimaced at himself; which under the fluffy pulled-down white beard, just made him look angry and Amish at the same time.  

Fortunately Juliana dived into one of her anecdotes that Diego had come to rely on from her.  When she waitressed, she always seemed to have some story on-hand to match whatever the random topic th customer brought up.  Diego even tested her once on it, just to see. He’d mentioned a thought he’d had about whale sharks when she came to freshen up his coffee, and Juliana cheerfully returned with some amusing story about Grade 4 and a shark diorama she’d done for the school science fair.  She made small-town life sound fascinating from her point of view, and it amused Diego every time.

“And even if you wash their hands, somehow a minute later they’re still sticky,” Diego agreed.  “My nieces would get into everything.”

He realized his statement about Juliana caring would come off as redundant to her, but he didn’t elaborate any further.  Because trying to describe Juliana’s care for Darcy Palmer meant revealing two things: that Diego knew Darcy well, perhaps better than Juliana herself (which he did) and that there was ‘something else’ going on about Darcy.  And Juliana was too clever for either point to go over her head if he kept harping on it.  

But Diego was also a keen observer; and instead of explaining himself further to her, instead he watched her large eyes flicker, just a little.  Just minutely, enough that maybe Diego saw nothing at all.  

Or maybe he saw a flicker of…doubt.  He couldn’t be sure though, but it was something he took a mental note of.

“That’s a good question,” Diego responded.  “I suppose your boyfriend’s animosity towards me is a good reason not to believe me.  Being the good girlfriend and supporting his cause.  You know.  Thoughts like that.”

“Such a kind soul.” She said dramatically, placing her hand over her heart before adding, “is Carl paying you extra for this?” That was the only way she could believe he would go along with this because she wasn’t sure she could believe it was his love of kids that made him dress up.

Juliana felt tempted to inquire about his nieces. She had heard about them in passing but she never recalled ever meeting them or seeing them. It didn’t seem likely that they ever came to visit him here in Sunnymead and ever since he moved here she couldn’t recall a time he went to go visit them. “How old are they now?” Even though she knew that wasn’t why she was here she still couldn’t help asking. “If only they were here to see you dressed up like this, I bet they’d get a kick out of it.”

While she didn’t necessarily mean to, it just seemed so easy for her to meddle. Part of her felt justified for trying to find out what was going on but if she thought about it longer the more worried she was about intruding. Her main concern was always making sure that Darcy didn’t make such an easy mistake of letting her feelings for Diego put her into situations where she could get hurt again. But here she was, sitting on Santa’s lap for a prolonged period of time for what? For Darcy to potentially tell her not to worry about it or to mind her own business?

She tried to ignore those thoughts and went back to Diego, snorting a little at his interpretation of how Phoenix saw him. “I don’t think he has any animosity towards you,” Juliana replied, furrowing her brows a little as she considered it. “He just really likes teasing you. I’m sure if he was here he would be here waiting for his turn to sit on your lap!” Sure, Phoenix has his conspiracies and had his concerns about Diego but Juliana had a feeling he considered Diego as a friend in some form of the word.

“I like you better,” Diego said, completely unashamed of his behaviour towards the innocent little kid.  “It’s Carl’s fault for stuffing me in this damn suit anyway.  He’s the one who’s 70 years old and has a pot-belly and white hair.  I’m young - relatively, and fit.  Do I usually exude jolly to you?”  Diego grumbled and muttered to himself as he glared around the market.  

Okay, maybe he was a little sheepish about the way he’d treated that kid.  Still, he muttered,  “Kids all have jam-hands.  I hate jam-hands.  They make everything sticky.”

He listened to Juliana refusing to buy into his innocent act, as Diego watched some girls around Juliana’s age taking photos of her on his lap.  Friends of Juliana, maybe?  Probably planning to tease her relentlessly about how long she’d been perched there. Diego didn’t mind, it did good things to his ego, even if he knew younger women tended to make fun of him even as they flirted with him.  That was just the way it was.

Besides, it all seemed so light-hearted and innocent now.  Because now Diego had something better to daydream about, that had nothing to do with hot little co-eds.  He could think of Gen; and he found he really, really liked thinking about Gen.

So when he looked up at Juliana, his thoughts full of Darcy, his eyes were dark and soft.

“You really care about her, don’t you,” Diego said slowly, having the realization at the same time he was saying it outloud.  He leaned back more, and tugged the ridiculous beard down under his chin.  The more Juliana talked, the more Diego put together what it was the girl seemed so concerned about.  

This wasn’t about suspicion of Diego’s or Darcy’s true identities.  This wasn’t even just some bid to eke some juicy gossip out of Diego, or tease him, or poke into his business.

Juliana was sitting on his lap, because she cared about Darcy.  

Jesus.  And once again, Diego was brutally reminded of just how deep Darcy’s lie had to go.  It was painful, and he couldn’t imagine how Darcy would feel, knowing just how much Juliana cared about her.  

Cared about Darcy Palmer, anyway.  The lie.  The construct.  The falsehood.

And now he couldn’t be truthful either.  Not just because of the risk, but also because…at this moment, given all the context and circumstances and reality of life, even Diego wasn’t sure what his own truth was.  Not about Genevieve, and what she meant to him.

Diego took a deep breath and then let it out as he took a hold of Juliana’s hand.

“I have no intention of hurting her, sweetheart.  I promise I won’t delude her or cross any boundaries with her that…that we can’t cross.  I’m not in the business of heart-breaking.”  Except his own, that once.  But without actually admitting to anything, Diego did at least try to give Juliana some version of honesty. He truly meant what he’d said.

“Do you believe me?”  

While Juliana should probably accept the compliment that he preferred her company over a random childs, she couldn’t exactly be too pleased with his complaints. At least now she knew for sure that he had to be forced into this costume rather than wearing it willingly. “If I’m being honest, you really don’t. That’s why I found it real weird that you were doing this.” She admitted.

There was a hint of a smile creeping at her lips at his next comment, however, kids really could make everything sticky. “I can’t really argue with that. One time I went to go see Phoenix’s little sister Kale and she’s like, three, right, so she came waddling over to me and her hands were so sticky it was probably the only time I had to immediately hand her over to Skylar.” Juliana rambled on, having to shake herself as a reminder that this wasn’t the topic she wanted to be stuck on.

She hadn’t really noticed the girls taking her photo on Diego’s lap, being far too invested in what she had to say to focus on anyone else. All Juliana really cared about at the moment was getting her point across, making sure that she was getting all the facts straight and there was no funny business going on behind her back.

Shrugging, Juliana’s expression suggested that his statement was obvious. “Well duh, of course I do.“ She responded casually. Even if she was slowly starting to wonder if Darcy might not completely feel the same way, that didn’t stop Juliana from continuing to care about her. That was just who she was, her dad always told her that she had a big heart and she knew it to be true.

Diego grunted mildly when Juliana explained Phoenix’ whereabouts.  He relished this idea of the kid going shopping for the perfect holiday gift for his girlfriend.  It was ridiculously charming; but then again, what about their little relationship wasn’t ridiculously charming?  At least, it was in Diego’s mind, as he only ever saw the wholesomeness and sweetness of it and casually assumed the kids’ intimacy was like that at least 90% of the time. 

Look at the size of Juliana’s grin, after all.

Diego almost mirrored it, but when Juliana elaborated further he felt no reason to smile.  He immediately thought about the flurry of texts that Darcy had received from Juliana only a few nights ago, the night that Tyler Ellis was caught drunk-driving by the Sheriff.

Because of course a small-town Sheriff had no qualms about sharing his work with his beloved daughter.  Diego sighed internally.  

It sounded to Juliana like she’d figured it out.  Perhaps between her and her dad, or her and Phoenix, they’d sussed out that if Tyler Ellis was a US Marshal, then perhaps Diego was also lying about who he was as well.   And if she thought Diego was lying then…jesus christ, did Juliana also suspect something about Darcy Palmer too??

He closed his eyes, scratched at his forehead, hearing Juliana’s voice raise in petulance but not realizing it was tied into something happening in Juliana’s life contextually.

“Juliana, listen–”  Diego started to say sternly, not realizing he was subconsciously using ‘dad-voice’.  Before he could go further though, a little boy waddled closer to Santa, hoping for a chance on his lap.

“Santa’s busy, kid,”  Diego barked at the boy.  “Come back in a few minutes, huh?”  Belatedly, he handed the kid a candy cane to placate it and a half-assed,  “Ho ho ho” to try and make himself more jolly, less scary.  Thankfully the kid waddled away with his treat to join his older sibling, who glared at both Santa and Juliana for good measure.

And when Diego turned his attention back to Juliana he realized again - wait.  This wasn’t about Diego’s identity, or Darcy’s.  This was about Diego and Darcy.  The rumours of their…relationship.  

“We’re kind of friends now, I suppose,”  Diego replied innocently, blinking up at Juliana.  “Remember when she found my phone?  It was so kind of her, and I was so relieved. I guess there wasn’t any need for me to keep being, ah, sore at her after our little…mishap.  Not her firing me from the Grub, the mishap that I’d accidentally told you about, if you recall,” he even flushed then, and it was a genuine reaction.  He still felt like an idiot for blabbing to Juliana about that kiss with Darcy.

God, that night seemed so long ago, though.

“Nothing wrong with us getting along, is there?” he said, leaning back so get a better look at Juliana, try to gauge what she was thinking in that whip-smart brain of hers.  “I thought that was what you wanted, honey.”

For a moment, she was prepared for a lecture. The tone of his voice alluded to it but Juliana wasn’t sure if Diego was planning on arguing that he didn’t think she was a dumb kid or was simply going to tell her she had the wrong idea. Either way, she planned on interrupting him, her mouth open to start speaking until she noticed the little boy coming up to them.

The kid looked so cute and so eager to meet Santa that Juliana smiled as she contemplated standing up so that this could be continued after the boy had his turn with Santa. Diego had a different approach, however, which she wasn’t much of a fan of. Her smile faded as she watched with horror at the way he told the kid to go, and the terrible attempt at Santa’s iconic ho ho ho. There was confusion in the kid’s eyes but he gladly took the candy before leaving, Juliana giving him and his older sibling an apologetic look. “That wasn’t very jolly of you, Santa.”

Kind of friends. She wondered why he felt he was the one that needed to put aside the so-called mishap when Darcy was the one who got rejected. Even if he put it behind him, did Darcy really put it behind her as well? They made it seem as though that was the case. Maybe Juliana was just being weirdly paranoid about this, maybe it was possible they were just friends and Darcy coming to have a seat on Santa’s lap really was just similar to Juliana doing it now.

Quickly, she shook her head. “No, no you’re not gonna do that.” She stated, pointing at him to point out the way he was clearly twisting her words. “That dad-like charm that makes me question everything I’m thinking. Yeah, I wanted you guys to get along but this is totally different.” When Juliana thought they hated each other she wanted them to be friends, now that she had more information, that Darcy had apparently been interested while Diego was not, there had to be a line drawn at what was getting along in a friendly way and what wasn’t.

“I’m not as naive as you most likely think and Darcy did tell me about her trying to make a move and you rejecting her. Sure, people can be friends after something like that but you two have too much history.” With all their bickering, the hookup rumors, the different times they’ve kissed, hell even Diego making it seem like he really liked Darcy when he told Juliana about their first kiss. “Now, I don’t know if you turned her down cause you’re really not interested or because you’re too scared to open up or something but I saw her over here earlier and if I’m picking up mixed signals than Darcy is definitely picking them up too whether she wants to realize it or not.”

Juliana had a way of making situations feel better.  Diego didn’t mean this in any sort of overly-romanticized way, but he had to admit it wasn’t often an actual person could truly be called a ‘ball of sunshine’ without any exaggeration.  Juliana wasn’t peppy or even cheerful, but her presence did allow Diego t ruminate on actual good things in his life.  Tyler Smith was not just gone, but disgraced.  And yes, he threw that last-minute threat about Vivien, but that was all it was: a last-minute threat.  When Diego had contacted the head office about it, they said they didn’t have a clue what Tyler was talking about.  

And if there was anything Diego clung to, it was the trust he had in his work, and work colleagues.

Then there was Darcy herself.  She chose of her own accord to dismiss Tyler’s words, and Diego did nothing to dissuade her.  Instead (perhaps selfishly), he let her believe what she wanted, so that they could have some actual days to just…be together.  Still secretly of course, but having Darcy on his lap in the middle of the town square just demonstrated how daring they were getting in public.  And Diego found that he didn’t really care what other people thought.  It fed the rumours.  So what.  

Spending time with Darcy was worth it.

All of this, Diego thought about when Juliana on his lap, her ‘ray of sunshine’ managing to pierce through the rainclouds surrounding his heart.  So he chuckled when Juliana told him to stop teasing her.  He would of course, although he kept jiggling his leg.  His nieces loved being bounced when they were younger.

“Never gets old,” Diego agreed with a muted and clueless cheerfulness.  He had no idea what Juliana was hinting at, or that she was even hinting at anything.  He just assumed she did this to (adorably) tease and torment him, nothing more.  “Although I don’t relish getting punched by Phoenix.  Where is he?”

But Juliana kept talking, about what she wanted, and Diego finally looked up at her face.  He was surprised and a little puzzled to see there seemed to be little humour in the young girl’s eyes.  Diego stopped jiggling his knee and blinked.  

“Is everything alright?” he asked her a bit more seriously.  Had Tyler done something to her father?  Was she trying to reveal her own suspicions about him?  Had her and Phoenix concocted some new conspiracy theory that she was trying to catch him in?  Diego sat up a bit, almost bucking Juliana off in the process.  But he caught her around her waist so she didn’t fall.  

“What’s going on?”

As much as Juliana wanted to be firm in her stance of coming over to discover the truth about Diego and Darcy, she couldn’t help but be amused by Diego’s sudden cheerfulness. It was odd, she knew he was normally able to look a little happier and friendlier when interacting with her but this seemed a little different. It was a kind of jolliness that came from deeper within as opposed to the surface level of happiness he displayed when she served him at The Grub. Maybe he was a suitable Santa Claus substitute this year.

She groaned but there was amusement laced within it as he bounced her on his knee like a child. “You’re safe for today. He’s in Evanstead buying my Christmas gift, and it’s a surprise so I couldn’t come with him. Which is fine since I had to help with the Grubs booth anyway.” She explained with a grin because how could she not smile and feel happiness at the mention of him?

Diego’s cheeriness seemed to fade a bit when her words became a little less cryptic. Juliana knew she still needed to spell it out for him though, unsure if he was playing dumb or he really didn’t understand where she was going with this. With Darcy over here in the same position as her not too long ago, she thought it would be pretty obvious.

“You know…” she started with a little huff as he caught her from slipping off from his lap. “I really thought you guys had more respect for me than this. As a friend but also as like…someone you didn’t think was stupid.” Her eyes showed her disappointment and confirmed that was really how she believed she was perceived. “But now I’m pretty sure you guys just think I’m some dumb kid who doesn’t know anything and it’s just really unfair!” She was complaining, realizing in this situation that it almost sounded like a child throwing a tantrum to their parents. Juliana was a grown adult even if sometimes she didn’t act like it but she still felt she deserved some transparency from people she considered to be friends.

To be fair to himself (and Diego liked to believe he was doing a damn good job considering he didn’t want to do this at all) there were a limited number of children living in Sunnymead who were of a Santa-visiting appropriate age.  So Diego just figured that they’d run out of kids, and that was completely fine by him.  He’d rather be working - on his actual job - but if he just had to sit in this stupid throne for a couple more hours and no one bothered him, then he would.

Besides, he was too mellow now to mind sitting there, after Darcy’s visit.  Now, she was the only person he wanted sitting on his lap…and that thought made him feel a spark of alarm, but also excitement.  He was similarly relieved that no other women tried to sit on his lap, thank god.  Because although he might’ve enjoyed that a couple months ago, now it simply seemed unthinkable.  Diego made sure not to think too hard about why.

After Darcy’s visit, there were just one or two straggling kids who arrived at the market late with their folks, or maybe the parents just wanted to wait until the initial morning rush had died down.  Diego didn’t mind spending a little extra time with those kids, as long as they needed to get through their gift demands.  Because he’d been placated by Darcy, even though he didn’t consciously recognize that.

Once the last kid left, Diego allowed himself to space out for a moment.  If he wasn’t allowed to work, then he figured he’d give himself a couple minutes to try and not think about anything.  His sister called it ‘meditating’ and his nieces called it ‘self-care’.  He called it bullshit; but at least now, hidden under his white beard, no one could call him on it.  

So by the time Juliana popped up out of nowhere, Diego only came out of his reverie in time to have her plop perkily down on his lap.

He couldn’t help smiling, because it was Juliana.  Who wouldn’t want this girl sitting on their lap?  But on the other hand, he could see the look on her face, and it was a look of utter elfin mischief.  Diego put his hand around onto her back to brace her, making sure to keep his palm against her shoulderblades, no lower.

“Mmhm, okay.  And what can I get for you, little girl?”

Juliana grimaced at being called little girl. There was no way that Darcy could have sat on Diego's lap and thought this was funny or a fun thing to joke about as friends cause she was already finding this to be super weird. Unlike Darcy, she had never had a crush on Diego prior to this so she couldn't discern how this would feel with that factor included but she had a feeling it was nearly exactly the same.

She chuckled softly for a moment before shaking her head and putting her hand on Diego's shoulder. "Okay, that's super weird let's not do that." She told him as if she wasn't the one who came over here to sit on Santa's lap like the rest of the little kids. But this wasn't because she was trying to be a kid again, this was to figure out Darcy and Diego's deal after being told that nothing was going on between them.

"You enjoying yourself over here? I bet it's fun getting to play Santa. This must be super fun too, having an adult sitting on your lap, that's a funny joke, never gets old, am I right?" She sounded playful like she was just trying to be funny or maybe chat through how weird this was. Juliana simply took the words Darcy used with her to see what Diego thought. After all, if it was a joke to her then he must have agreed.

“This is intolerable,”  Diego muttered, perched in his chair.  No, it wasn’t a chair, it was a throne, cheaply made and upholstered in gaudy red velvet, courtesy of the Sunnymead HS Drama Department.  

In fact, aside from Carl’s wife’s elaborate and ridiculous Christmas decorations,  everything at the Grapefruit Grocery booth was donated by the high school props.  And costumes too - including the Santa Clause get-up that Diego was now wearing.

“You look great!”  Carl gushed, plucking at Diego’s beard, but nervously jumping back in case Diego’s glower turned into something worse.  “If Mr McIntyre didn’t get the flu, he’d be in the Santa hot-seat, but we’re desperate here, Diego.   You’re so good to volunteer.   Just…um…remember…Santa’s a jolly fellow…”

“I’m not jolly??”  Diego snapped irritably, and Carl nervously giggled, fetching a big fat candy cane from one of the candy jars set up for display.  There was candy everywhere, provided by the Grocery, for kids to help themselves while they sat on Santa’s lap.  

“Just don’t make the kids cry,”  Carl pleaded, stuffing the fat candy cane into Diego’s mouth.  “There, that’ll sweeten you up a bit…now I gotta head back to the grocery,”  Carl inched away quickly, before Diego could bark at him again.  “Good luck!  I mean - uhm - have fun!”

—

Four hours into being Santa and having his beard pulled, his shins kicked, kids drooling on him, kids bawling their eyes out, and kids shouting in his face for the latest technical gadget, Diego was close to throwing in the Santa hat and calling it a day.

@darcypalmer, @j-carvalhoe

Juliana loved the holidays and she definitely wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to take part in the Christmas market no matter what she had going on. It simply added to the fun of it all when Darcy put her in charge of mostly everything at the Grubs booth. With mainly teenagers as volunteers, it seemed like the best decision to let her lead the group even though she worried about nobody taking her seriously. Surprisingly, the kids seemed to hang off Juliana’s every word and she loved it, it felt good to be taken seriously for once.

She noticed Diego had ended up stuck in the Santa suit this year, watching from the Grubs booth as he and Carl bickered while Diego sat in Santa’s Christmas throne. It was hilarious to her and she had to send a picture to the guys because this was certainly something you had to see to believe. Diego and Santa Claus were total opposites, it made her wonder if Carl had to physically force Diego into the suit. She would make sure to ask. With a video zooming in on him and her giggling in the background sent to Phoenix and the boys, Juliana went back to work while only occasionally glancing over to give herself a good chuckle.

The only time her attention on Santa Diego lasted for longer than a split second was when she noticed Darcy up there with him. Juliana tried to sneak a few glances, concerned about what exactly was going on. Darcy had explained to her the truth of their relationship, how Diego rejected her after she made a move and there was nothing else going on. She had her doubts and questions but ultimately deciding that maybe she had gotten in the middle of things a little too much and it was time to back off.

But if Darcy said there was nothing going on then why was she sitting on Diego’s lap? Why was she torturing herself like that? It was hard to watch but she wanted to figure out what was happening. Darcy’s explanations when she finally stopped by the booth didn’t help her too much. It was a joke because they were being friendly. That wasn’t how Juliana saw it and frankly, she was a little hurt that she wasn’t seen as a good enough friend to truthfully talk about this personal stuff with, but maybe she could get another side of the story from the big man himself.

There wasn’t a very long line of kids as she strolled over, maybe they could sense the weird vibe Diego gave off or how much he didn’t want to be there anymore. Either way, it made it easier for Juliana to simply skip up over to him as opposed to waiting in a line full of children eager to meet him. She gave him a wide grin as sickly sweet as ever as she approached him. “Hi there Santa, mind if I have a seat?” she asked while already taking a seat on his lap, giving him an innocent look as if she had no ulterior motive for coming over here.

After her shift was over Juliana knew that the only place she should be headed to was home. Phoenix had told her dad that her mom was back in town and that they were together and while he didn't say that her dad reacted negatively, Juliana knew her dad fairly well to know he wasn't singing and dancing from joy. She made a few pitstops around town, even stood outside their front door for what felt like an eternity in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. It was no use and she finally opened the door and stepped inside, feeling as though the place was more uncomfortably silent than it should have been.

Darcy: Okay, you might be right, but also consider this

Darcy: You're one of my closest friend and I needed a friend and I didn't think about the you being obsessed with this, I just

Darcy: (unsent) I felt alone and worked up over everything and I wanted to talk abozt this with my siblings but I couldn't

Darcy: I really needed a friend to vent

Darcy: And yes, I know its okay to like him, it's not that

Darcy: We had a moment and

Darcy: Well, /I thought/ we had a moment, I kissed him, he wasn't having any of it, I got the message, now we're moving on and not worrying about feelings or anything

Darcy: Cause they aren't there

Juliana: awwww thank you

Juliana: but do you know that? cause any time it comes up you brush it off like its the worst thing ever

Juliana: and they ARE there because you kissed him and even if we can say he kissed you to get laid I'm sure that isn't why you did it

Juliana: and feelings don't just go away just like that

Juliana: its all stubbornness on both your parts i'm telling you

Darcy raised her hands in defense with a small chuckle leaving her lips. “I apologize, I apologize. I don’t know how I could possibly assume anyone could hold back Phoenix from coming back and seeing you, talking to you.” They were talking about the ridiculous possibility of him coming back as a ghost, but if you take away the dying and coming back as some kind of fairytale story, Darcy did mean what she was saying. She’s seen just how much the two of them loved each other, and she had no doubt in her mind no matter what happened, Phoenix couldn’t be stopped to be with Juliana. Not now that he’s finally made the leap and the two of them were as happy as they possibly could be together. “Let’s just hope none of it happens, though. Having a live and corporeal boyfriend is much better than a dead one.”

Darcy let out a small, bitter chuckle and ran her fingers through her hair. How could she explain what she was feeling about the whole thing in a way that didn’t sound like something Juliana would misunderstand when she herself wasn’t really sure how she felt about the entire thing - aside from the clear and obvious anger that’s been rising and rising inside of her since she realized Diego talked to Juliana. “It’s not that I don’t want to forget about it, I do. It was nothing, it didn’t mean anything, it’s just–” She let out a sigh and walked back behind the counter to get a mug for herself and poured some leftover cold coffee out for herself. She felt like she needed to do something, and drinking cold coffee was as good as any. “Want some?” she asked nodding down towards the mug before she continued. “It’s just I would have wanted to at least have a conversation about it. But hey, he thought differently and then in his drunken stupor he went and talked to you about so I guess that says it all.”

Goddamnit, why was Juliana making so much sense? Her questions and observations made sense even without Juliana knowing the entire truth and the real relationship between the two of them. But still, Darcy could explain it away in her mind - before the bounty hunter, they were constantly at each other’s throat, he was looking for pleasure somewhere else. And for the longest time he thought she was a lesbian, so he never even saw her as a possibility. And then once the cat was out of the bag and they had a moment, he jumped on the possibility. That was it. Even if Juliana’s question made sense.

“When would he have made a move, Jules? When I kicked him out of the kitchen? Or when we were constantly at each other’s throat? As much as hate sex is a thing, I doubt it was on his mind when we were yelling at each other. It’s more likely than not that he just wanted me to stop being so freaking annoying and stop picking a fight with him all the time.“  She shrugged. “And then we had a conversation when we weren’t fighting and figured he’d give it a try. That’s all.“ Except they had more than one conversation when they weren’t fighting. They spent a good month together in her apartment together, talking about all kinds of stuff and watching Netflix together and just existing next to each other without ever really fighting. Then again, they were both probably paying attention to everything they said and did to make sure they didn’t instigate anything.

Juliana listened to Darcy and she knew that she wouldn't appreciate what she was thinking and decided to keep quiet. Phoenix didn't want to have a conversation about it either. He thought it would have been easier to just ignore things but she was too stubborn to let that happen. Sure, Darcy and Diego didn't have the same history but they still seemed to be together enough that ignoring something like this wasn't going to go well. "I'm sorry that he talked to me about it and not you." She apologizes as she followed Darcy to the counter but turned down the offer of cold coffee. "You do deserve the explanation but...you gotta demand it, ya know? Guys don't like this topic especially not with the girl they like."

As much sense as Darcy was making, Juliana didn't want to accept it. Sure, they were constantly bickering and maybe that made it harder to make a move. But the way Diego talked about her, she couldn't possibly believe that the only thing he wanted was to get laid. No matter how much the two of them seemed to agree that was all it was, Juliana was still holding out hope that sex wasn't the only thing on Diego's mind.

Darcy: Okay, yes, I'm sorry about that, that was definitely not the intention I had with the word

Darcy: Never saying it again

Darcy: But really, that kiss, his kiss, was nothing

Darcy: He wanted to get some, it didn't happen, he changed his mind

Darcy: If that kiss would have meant anything, his reaction would have been completely different now

Darcy: And we talked about it

Darcy: It was nothing and we are not making a big deal out of it

Darcy: I just wanted to rant

Juliana: why don't i believe you?

Juliana: and ranting is definitely making a big deal out of it especially since you're ranting to ME

Juliana: if you like him you know thats ok right? admitting that you want something more isn't going to kill you

Darcy: I kind of just needed to vent but I take anything i can get

Darcy: But Jules, I got friendzoned

Darcy: I am not trying to be in denial or misreading things or anything

Darcy: I kissed him and he gave me that pat on the back kind of hug and told me he'd do things with /anyone else/

Darcy: That can hardly be misunderstood in any kind of way

Darcy: And again, it was all dumb anyway

Darcy: I shouldn't have kissed him in the first place

Juliana: well first, lets not use the term friendzoned cause it's a stupid term made up by gross sleazy dudes who think they're entitled to a womans body just because he was nice to her so jot that down cause i know you're not a gross and sleazy dude

Juliana: second, I can see how you'd feel that way

Juliana: but he did kiss you first remember?

Juliana: you both just need to !!! talk about it!!!

Darcy: Okay, I deserved that one

Darcy: Except in books it ends with the pair getting together, not the guy telling the girl he would be willing to do things with ANYONE ELSE aside from you

Darcy: And fuck I don't know?

Darcy: I know you're just gonna call me dumb again, but...

Darcy: Okay, there might have been a moment right after it when I wished something might happen but this is probably for the better, okay?

Darcy: We don't work. We just don't. We really, really don't

Darcy: And all of this was really REALLY, /REALLY/ dumb

Juliana: do you want my advice or is this more of a venting situation?

Juliana: cause I know you both think idk what I'm talking about but I really do think you guys have similarities to my situation with Phoenix

Juliana: and I don't think you guys don't work if you didn't work you wouldn't be around each other so much

Darcy: Don't freak out too much, this story doesn't have the happy ending you think it does

Darcy: Maybe I should have started with that, actually

Darcy: But actually we were

Darcy: Well, we were kinda hanging out and doing a fake date? Don't ask why, it's complicated

Darcy: But then we had this moment and I thought

Darcy: I'm not sure what I thought, but I kissed him

Darcy: And then he told me if anyone else did it, he'd take them home but obviously I am not anyone else

Darcy: So basically you really shouldn't be too excited cause nothing is happening

Juliana: a fake date im

Juliana: you're being serious rn omg

Juliana: not to be rude you know I love you but

Juliana: you thought phoenix and I were being dumb?

Juliana: this is literally something out of a book or a movie

Darcy: So, explaining the context and everything else that led up to it would be long and too complicated

Darcy: But basically...

Darcy: Well, I might have, kinda kissed DIego

Juliana: UM

Juliana: IM SORRY WHAT

Juliana: YOY ESXPECT ME TO NTO FREAK OUT OVER THIS