talking to my infant son like im a youtuber

Whats up baby. Father here bringing you another spoonful of Gerber ham and gravy baby food

if you don’t like your subs toasted you don’t love yourself

never heard that term before wym

hold on you mean sandwiches

Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy you made this?

Oh you have no idea.

thanks universe for letting me exist but next time no physical form please

it literally makes me scream that we straight up know nothing about trump’s condition and will literally never get a true answer unless some nurse leaks to the press, he dies, or recovers and goes back to business as usual. like i hate this bro

i want the equivalent of a zoo otter cam

New Taylor swift song called fuck like a mountain rat

These news programs think they’re slick all the time writing the number out long form rather than like 22.2 billion to make it seem like this impossible inconceivable number at first glance but then you realize we spend 22 billion every couple weeks on things that kill people.

come on brain yip yip

People in their twenties be like. My interest include drugs. Drinking. Tv series. Uber eat. causing and then resolving Interpersonal issues

fucked up that some guy was making gummies and was like “what are the two most edible things in the world... bear... and.... worm”

i’m smart-passing