𓏲ּ𝄢 ᵐⁱˢˢʸˢ ᵈⁱᵃʳʸ

So, i was bullied from when i was in year 4 until i was in year 8 by my whole primary school year (only like 25 people) and then another group in secondary. If you asked them they probably would just say i was annoying and wouldn’t consider it bullying but i wasn’t just excluded or mildly disliked, i was lied about, called names and consistently mocked. I’m always disturbed at how normalised it is for everyone to hate one person for no reason other than ‘other people don’t like them’- i say this knowing that it’s easy to fall into, i have also been in groups where all we discussed was how annoying one person was but id like to say ive never treated anyone the way i was treated. Most people probably haven’t gone that far, but i now know its always important to make sure you aren’t part of a group going out of your way to hurt someone (even if you think they deserve it.)

I don’t consider myself a malicious enough person to plan out how i can hurt another person but i doubt they thought about it that seriously, i actually know they didn’t because now most dont even remember what they did apart from some random half hearted apology dms from the ones who pretended to be my friends. I try not to hold it against them but it’s hard, we were all children but whilst they got to have a nostalgia perfect primary school experience, i got a 10 year stomache ache and was thinking about my funeral at 8 years old. I don’t want to be angry about this but i am and i can’t change that.

Now, I’m usually a very happy person, i luckily come from a very loving family, i’m naturally a very confident person and i’m a very loud person and i actually was then too but i always think that if i hadn’t had that experience in such a formative time in my life and on such a large scale i would be a different person, better or worse i’m not sure but i think it’s what triggered my anxiety and where my pseudo hallucinations come from and i am very angry and resentful about that because i’m so close to being fully idk normal and happy until i think about that.