“Knowing that we’ll never know someone 100% is why commitment is so important to me. I can get to know you enough to where I trust you. Then, continue getting to know you after we’re officially together. It doesn’t take me long to know who I want to commit to and build with. You want to continue building a friendship? We can do that while officially together. You want to go with the flow? We can do that while officially together. You want to enjoy each other’s time and be exclusive? We can do that while officially together. It doesn’t take long to know who you want to commit to. I’m not waiting forever and I’m not rushing.”

“i realize now, that loving him was neither beautiful nor poetic; it was knowingly walking through hell every day and losing myself there.”

even though all the odds seem to be against us, i’m still hoping to end up with you. i remember the first time i realized i was falling for you, and how it changed my outlook on life completely. i remember how it made me a happier person, how it made me dream again. you gave me hope again, and that’s why i adore you so much. that’s why you hold such a special place in my heart. you’re more than just an attractive face. you’re more than the person you are on the outside. and i know if you’d just open up to me, if you’d just let me in, then you would prove me right.

“I have grown tired of begging for your attention. Exhausted in keeping conversations alive while you couldn’t have cared less. I have lost sleep and lost enough. I can’t keep walking on a ledge for someone who is just going to push me off.”

“False hope. That’s what killed me the most. Not the fact that you broke promises, but the fact that you made them in the first place when you couldn’t even keep them. One minute it was “I love you more than anything,” the next it was “I don’t know if I want us anymore.” I wanted myself to so badly believe that you were better than him, but in doing so, I cut myself short. You never made time for me, only found time. You never meant what you said, only words not supported by any action. You never loved me, only wished you did.”

“You made your mess. You always had a choice, every step of the way you made decisions that led you to where you are now. You could’ve told yourself no, you could’ve spared us both so much pain, but you chose not to. You did this to yourself, and in the end, you lost someone that loved you very much. You knew you hurt me and instead of simply apologizing, you ran as fast as you could. Maybe you knew “sorry” wasn’t enough, or perhaps you just didn’t want to fix it. You decided that if you could just pretend all if it never happened, it would just go away. You can run all you want, but every choice you’ve ever made, every regret, every mistake, it catches up to you. You can close your eyes, you can try and forget, but no matter what, you’re going to remember.”

“I wanted to see the good in you, and I tried, I really did, but there’s nothing there. You are not a nice person. I’ve watched you hurt people who care so much about you, myself included, and you just don’t care. You do what you want, as long as it benefits you. You don’t love anyone but yourself. You hurt me so many times, but you couldn’t even drop your pride for one second and apologize. You don’t treat the people who love you that way.”

“I guess I should have known better than to let you in again, right? But no, no matter how many times you treat me like shit, giving me excuses and apologies, my stupid heart keep giving you a chance that you don’t deserve. Because it thinks that maybe this time you have changed for the better. Maybe this time, you really mean it. Maybe this time, you will not repeat the same mistake over and over again. How stupid of me for believing that. Screw you.”

‘And how do you really feel?’ - ‘Like I’ll never recover. Like I’ll never draw another breath without half of it being a wish for him.’

“This is the part no one ever tells you about: even if you have supposedly let go, if you’re convinced that you’ve fully moved on, there can still be incidents that will feel like a blow to your chest. Scenarios you couldn’t have imagined in your wildest dreams that will make you lose faith in the process of healing. Some days will be difficult. Our scars will itch, our skin will stretch over our bones to the point of breaking and it will all seem hopeless. And these difficult days might not even happen at the start of your journey. They can still happen after things have been okay for months. For years. Sometimes a mere inconvenience is enough to tear our skin back open, to make us bleed again. Whatever takes us back to that bad place doesn’t have to be something that feels significant. It can be as small as stumbling over a photo you were sure you’d thrown away while clearing out your closet. Or overhearing a single word in a conversation that reminds you of the time you couldn’t see past the dark thoughts in your head. And this thing that felt so small might be enough to transport you back to that time that was full of hurt, full of grief. Please know that healing isn’t linear. There is no straight line from beginning to end. There will be setbacks. There will be days when you think you can’t do it. When you don’t see the point in fighting anymore. Let’s stop expecting other people to have their shit together after a certain amount of time has passed. Stop expecting it of yourself. Because truth is none of us really have their shit together, or have been at this point in life often enough that we understand. For some reason we just don’t want to admit it. We might all have different triggers, have all been through different situations, but in the end we all know one thing: healing is not easy. It takes time, no matter how much. It takes space. So forgive others for needing more time. And forgive yourself, if right now you are not exactly who you want to be and where you want to be. Please remember: there will be setbacks. And that’s okay.”

“I plant roots so deeply in the people I love that I always lose a piece of myself when they go.”