Ivy ❦

my thoughts dont feel like mine half the time and i keep noticing how im losing myself little by little. i keep waiting to wake up and feel normal again, and every day i get scared because i dont.

im exhausted from pretending. im tired of acting like im just stressed or tired when honestly i feel terrified by how bad my head has gotten.

and i hate admitting this, but i dont think i can carry all of this by myself anymore. everyone is expecting something from me.

im just trying really hard to survive something i dont fully understand. and i think im finally admitting that i need help. but at the same time, i dont want it. i dont want to keep feeling like this forever.

and i dont want to disappear.

everything was perfect before you started to lust over me

push away anyone that actually cares about u bc u dont want nobody to know who u really are.

what kind of a bad person u are.

cheating on ur bf with your ex that u cant seem to get over no matter how much u try and still going home to ur loving bf like nothing happened.

go to the bathroom floor, with two fingers in your mouth after eating anything.

ghost ur friends bc u dont have the energy to do nothing and talk to no fucking one.

get drunk every 2 days bc u want the pain to go away, wanting to forget about all the memories that destroyed ur mh, knowing it js makes it worse.

smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, but dont wonder why u never have money for shit.

stay in ur room and do nothing, js be a lazy bitch.

stop checking up on anyone, even ur grandma even tho shes genuinely the only person who actually gaf about you.

but in the end, you still hate yourself.