nobody

dezzie: it's a natural gift, what can i say?

dezzie: i feel like it's more like a whole goat in skates on a frozen lake type situation, but i like ur description more

dezzie: ummmmmm, yes!!! you know better beans has the best donuts in town

dezzie: of course!! i'll be ready, tho when u knock be fare warned that brutus may sound furious but the worst he can do to someone is sit on them

ivy: much like being perfect and beautiful in every way !!

ivy: see? just like i said! all cute for NO REASON

ivy: they really do D; i don't know who i was kidding trying to go without

ivy: BRUTUS

jokingly, adler blew out air and shrugged her off with a hand motion, “tough crowd, i’m glad you don’t have any tomatoes on your person.” it was hard to contain his laughter when she started to laughing, especially with a snort. “most interesting conversation? jesus christ, who have you been talking to, ivy? if you ever need a solid conversation, i can give you my number.” sometimes, adler came off a bit more flirtatious than he means to be. the bartender approached the two at the bar, adler placing another order for beer and he glanced over at the blonde, “and whatever the lady wants–whatever you want, ivy.” he reassured her, not really caring about how high his tab will come out to be. he already had a few drinks in him, so he was just enjoying the company. “i know i am saying a lot of dad jokes, while i’m not one…so does that make me a faux pa? i do want to state that i don’t believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. there needs to be a balance–a homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.”

“how do you know i don’t have any tomatoes? maybe i’m just waiting for the right moment to bombard you,” ivy joked with another soft laugh, still laughing as she did it. “yeah? i might take it, if the rest of the conversation is this promising,” she teased with a raise of her eyebrows. she wasn’t sure where that came from, leaning so easily into a flirtation with someone who was still mostly a stranger, but it was there. “the lady?” ivy gasped, placing a dramatic hand over her chest. “well, i don’t know about all that, but she’ll take a vodka cranberry.” as the bartender walked away again, she propped her elbow against the bar, leaning her head into her hand as she listened to adler with an amused grin. despite her best efforts, she was giggling by the time he was finished talking. “personally, i believe in hoe supremacy. for every bro, i think there needs to be three hoes. but that’s just me.” 

dezzie: awe, but it's my favorite pass time to make people blush :(

dezzie: i do tho. oh my god, have you never seen me wipe out on my board? im literally a mess

dezzie: ew. we're gonna have to get you some good donuts

dezzie: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm yes???? im literally always free to have coffee with u so like if you want all those days you can have them

ivy: i bet it is :( you're too good at it though, that's not fair!

ivy: i haven't but now i would LOVE to see that. i can just imagine you handsome squidward falling all over, still looking a graceful mess as you do it

ivy: i think it's probably been years since i had a really good one. can we add that to the coffee agenda?

wyatt : burnt milk is like nectar for the devil .

wyatt : froot loops are fucking great . wheaties though , they could suck my fucking dick , they're gross . my parents used to force me to eat that shit because it was cheap and they didn't cook for shit .

wyatt : or put two not so great cooks in the kitchen and magic will happen , we'll come out a full blown average joe of a cook .

wyatt : at least not mine . love him , adorable . light of my life , center of my world , apple of my eye , my little prince . but ... he really hates my mac and cheese .

wyatt : this really is a sweet and heart warming conversation . who would've known ? we're so cute . so corky .

ivy: that + kombucha 🤢

ivy: i can't imagine what they taste like but i can imagine the dry ass sensation and it's traumatizing me. so sorry u had to go through that

ivy: yeah??? you think if we put together our brains we can successfully grill a cheese or something? we are two halves of a whole idiot, it might work

ivy: maybe he prefers a different brand of mac and cheese. we're just going to have to investigate this further, because i refuse to accept that your perfect dog simply has bad taste buds

wyatt : the noodles , the cheese .. the butter ... i think i burnt milk before too .

wyatt : it's ok , i'll just eat cereal for the rest of my life .

wyatt : imagine us both getting in a kitchen and attempting to make minute rice . think about that for a hot second .

wyatt : the only one that's ever gonna be in my life is casper and he doesn't even like my mac and cheese . my fucking dog spits that shit out . his dog food is probably the better and best alternative .

wyatt : unless this is the normal amount of dread i just do a great job of hiding it , until today ??? who knows ? the mystery continues .

ivy: i don't know what burnt milk would smell like but somehow i know it's the worst thing in the world

ivy: honestly? that's valid. don't let anyone tell u it's not. it's me and froot loops against the world over here

ivy: that's a recipe for a fire waiting to happen. we should NOT be allowed in kitchens at the same time for public safety reasons

ivy: he doesn't like mac and cheese???? wow. so ungrateful. i'm appalled by this. doesn't he know how GOOD he has it

“i was out at this bar one time with my boys, we were allowed off base and this one girl came up to me at a bar and called me daddy. i had to break it to her that i was indeed, not her father.  but…does that mean i get the power of the jokes?” how adler manage to keep a straight was beyond anyone, some of the words that pour out of his mouth was questionable. licking his licks, he looked at her and smiled sheepishly, “to a remote location. but y’know…that joke isn’t as remotely as funny as other ones i’ve said before.” he took another sip of his beer. “i better stop talking before you regret listening to more jokes i have up my sleeve. but, do you want another drink? i can cover your tab too.” he offered, before waving down the bartender so he can order another beer.  

ivy raised her eyebrows, amused as she listened intently. of course, the story made her snort in the end, falling into giggles at both the words and the fact that adler managed to keep a straight face while he said them. “booooo,” ivy couldn’t help wrinkling her nose at another terrible joke. “if it helps, your dumb jokes are the most interesting conversation i’ve had all day,” the blonde told him with a little smile. “really? okay,” she accepted with a slight shrug. she wasn’t always the type to hang around with strangers too long without bailing, but there was something easy to talk to about him. “but i’m gonna need at least two, especially if the next joke is worse than ‘remote location’.” 

“no, i don’t have all the worst dad jokes memorized, i’m not even a dad yet. i’m sure if i ever do become one, they might get better–right? that’s what happened when you become a dad, you just gain a super hero power and it’s just…improved cheesy dad jokes?” she rambled slightly, running his hand through his hair. he found himself flustered around such a girl like ivy–why was this the first time he’s ever felt like this? “ivy, nice to meet you. now, i have another question for you: where does a lost remote go?”

ivy raised an eyebrow as she watched him ramble, a fond smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “yeah, i think that’s it,” she laughed, nodding as if it made perfect sense to her. “something about fathering a kid just gives you that supernatural power of being totally embarrassing.” for a pit stop in a bar where she expected to be drinking alone, chatting with a stranger was proving to be pretty nice. “oh, okay,” she sighed melodramatically, preparing herself for another horrible joke: “i don’t know, tell me.” 

wyatt : listen , i love kraft mac and cheese , if i could . i'd survive off of it but i can't cook it . i don't care if it's self explanatory , i burn it every single time

wyatt : i need someone to make it for me . now that , that'd be true love . and to think i didn't believe in it .i just gotta find someone that can make me mac and cheese , and my whole perception will change .

wyatt : r.i.p. young soldier , it was good while it lasted

wyatt : i'm great , i'm always great .

ivy: you...burn it??? burn what? the noodles??? wyatt...

ivy: i'm so concerned for u

ivy: i know i'm the dumb bitch who can't make minute rice but still

ivy: someday someone will come along and cook you all the kraft mac your heart desires

dezzie: have i ever told u how adorable u are?

dezzie: lmao listen it's all good. i do that every now and again too

dezzie: were they at least some really good powdered donuts? because if so the only thing i'm upset about is you not sharing lmao

dezzie: oooh coffee sounds great honestly, when were u thinking?

ivy: aw STOP please don't make me BLUSH !!!

ivy: do you? do you really? i don't quite believe it because i can't picture you doing anything that isn't totally chill and graceful but i'll take your word for it

ivy: they were not. they were from the gas station. but sometimes that's what life gives u ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“i know it fucking sucked, but you still laughed at it, didn’t ya?” he smiled at her, turning in the stool to face the girl more. “that’s the best material i have in the tesla apartment, honestly.” he shrugged his shoulders, taking another sip of his drink. “but with your comment, it makes me think of something my friends and i have. instead of a swear jar, we have a negativity jar. every time we have a pessimistic thought, we put a dollar in. well, it’s half empty. “ he rasied his eyebrows, wondering if that one would have a better mark on her. “i’m adler by the way,”

“i did, so i guess that’s on me,” ivy admitted with a shrug and another laugh, happily taking another sip of her drink. without even noticing, she was turning in her seat to match his body language, propping one elbow up against the bar and her head against her hand as she looked at him. she listened patiently, only rolling her eyes once he was finished, but a smile still pulled at the corners of her mouth. “wow. do you have all the world’s worst dad jokes memorized, or do they come to you in a moment of inspiration?” she asked with another laugh. “and i’m ivy. nice to meet you.” 

adler sat at the bar, taking brief sips of his beer. the man missed going out to bars with his platoon whenever they would be stationed somewhere. but this was different, he was in his civilian clothes and he was just sitting in silence. his eyes were focused on the tv, watching another car commercial. furrowing his brows, he glanced over at the lady beside him, “if a telsa drifts, is it considered an electric slide?” he managed to keep a straight face while the question left his lips. pure idiocy. 

@ivydeflorio​

ivy wasn’t paying attention to much of anything going on, beyond the vodka cranberry in front of her, fingers idly twirling the straw while she sat. she wasn’t sure why she was there at all, really, besides boredom and her own near constant willingness to be less than sober. as she heard a voice from next to her, the blonde turned to him with raised eyebrows, even as the question ended up making her snort with a laugh. “oh, that fucking sucked,” ivy informed him, shaking her head with a groan. “is that your best material?” 

wyatt : i think minute rice and kraft mac and cheese have conspired against everyone .

wyatt : they're all out to get us .

wyatt : i wouldn't be surprised if this is what took us down . like the dinosaurs .

wyatt : pretty sure nothing was meant to be easy for any of us . we're all born to be lied to . minute rice is a conspiracy .

ivy: whoa whoa wait hold up just a minute

ivy: please don't disparage the good name of kraft mac and cheese, one of the finest struggle meals ever known to man

ivy: this is our meteor 😔🤟🏻 r i p

“you seem nice? maybe not midwestern.” she chewed on her lip, smiling at the girl. “texas huh? wouldn’t have stricken you for a complete southern gal.” in florida, southern meant two different things. the south in florida didn’t mean the same as south from alabama. it was funny to wren how a state could completely feel like it’s not even a part of the the bigger picture. “where in texas? houston? dallas? austin? arlington?” she didn’t know many places in texas, except for the places her and kennedy would travel to when they were younger. “god bless that barista. people like her deserve the best in life.” she laughed once more. “one day at a time is also easier said than done. i feel like i’m constantly in the past, y’know? even those days don’t make sense, how am i supposed to make sense of today? my ex is confusing the hell out of me. one moment its this, one moment is that–it’s whiplash really. my sister would tell me to collect the shattered pieces of my broken life and move on with it. get over it–but again, easier said than done. right?” wren didn’t noticed how much she rambled, but once she did her cheeks turned red. “sorry about that–i didn’t know what got to me there.”

“really? wow. not that i thought i seemed like a bitch or anything, i’m just surprised i come off as nice.” maybe it was just her own self-consciousness, her constant fear that she was actually a total asshole speaking. wren’s next statement made ivy laugh — she definitely didn’t seem like a southern girl anymore, did she? “luckily, i’ve had lost of time to practice getting rid of my accent. but if you ever see me very, very drunk...i might slip up,” the blonde confessed with another giggle. “i’m impressed by your texas knowledge. i’m from around dallas,” ivy told her. as wren mentioned something about being stuck in the past, it struck a chord in the older girl’s heart, absolutely understanding where she was coming from. “well,” ivy drawled, taking a brief moment to consider all of wren’s rambling before she spoke. “if it helps at all, i don’t think any of us can make sense of...well, anything, really. it’s so hard to even try to comprehend stuff, when everything all feels so...confusing,” she concluded, letting out a sigh. ivy definitely knew about trying to unpack the past, and how it affected the now. though most of the time, she felt like she was doing more running from it than anything else. “sorry about your ex, that’s a lot to deal with. i’d say stop talking, but i assume it’s not that easy, right?” ivy questioned, tilting her head to the side curiously. “easier said than done. right. it’s okay, though. you can talk to me. i won’t pretend my advice is worth much, but...i’m an okay listener, i think.” she shrugged.