Most people say that I shouldn't care much on looking for someone to be with given my young age. But I couldn’t just shrug the thought when most girls in my age are already in a relationship.
It hurts and made me feel so frustrated because every time that I hang up with my squad, my role is just a “third-wheel” and I’m so tired for that role. All of them are holding hands while walking with their boyfriend or girlfriend and as usual I look like their maid following them anywhere they want to go.
By the way, I’m Queencess Quinn Dela Torre, an 18 years old girl living in Olongapo City and currently Grade 12 HUMSS student at Maxwell Prime University . When I was a child I’m just a simple girl staying just on my room watching cartoons and playing indoor games at home, in short I am an “introvert girl when I was a little”. As time passes by, everything has changed about me when I meet my bestfriend Hailey, Hailey Chantal Buenavetura. AsI witnessed her long time ago, I describe her as DORA because she is an explorer girl. She loves exploring something that is new in the present nor traveling.
Well, Everyone knows me as a simple and a minimalist girl before but for some reason, because of I learned to explore and enjoy trends in today’s generation. In this time of pandemic we need to be quarantined not because we are infected but just for our safety. Even though I used to be alone before, I still feel or experience boredom.
For the reason that I was bored, I contact my bff for me to surpass those problems because its killing me.
“bebs!! I’m bored. I don’t know what to do! I don’t play games thooooo.”
“besh…. explore, explore, explore!” Hailey said.
“Ughhh there you go again dora! HAKHAKAHKA.”
She smirked and said “STOP!! Grrrrr!”
“HAKAHKAHKA, youre so cute everytime you act like that bebs! Can you just do it one more time?”
“stop it its not funny!” she said.
“no more bully… but bebs!! help!! I’m bored!”
“okay..fine! I use yugo whenever I’m bored”
“besh, it is an app wherein you can make friends with others.”hailey said while eating.
“its like a dating but not usually like that. You can swipe left and right too if you want to add someone also you can search if ever you have someone you know that is also using that app. The difference of of the two is you do live stream and watch with your friends there and meet new people in live..uhggg its hard to explain.” hailey said while discussing it hard.
“owwwww.. thats cool… I’ll try it later!”
“just explore the app and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”
“thank you bebs!! you’re the best!!! luvyah dora!”
“stop calling me dora!!! hays”she smirked again and said “luvyah too.” with disappointment on her face.
“HAAKAHKAHKHA!! okay fine! Byeeee. Mwuahh”
At first, I didn’t enjoy the app because I’m not used to it. I’m just a simple girl and if you try to look my phone, the only application that you can see are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Youtube. Yes, I’ve changed and not the girl tat they know before but duh, yubo is not my type. I don’t do live stream and I don’t feel talking to someone I didn’t know.
After a month, I gave yugo a second chance. I patiently explore what is the beauty of that app. I started to watch live streams and unexpectedly enjoy watching those streamers who are enjoying the bond they have. One night, I open up my yugo and started live hopping again to watch different streamers and as time passes I received invitation to stream with them but for some reason, I’m not that confident because I’m shy so I declined. After a week, I still do my yugo routine but this time I accept invitations already and I do live stream already and have friend with everyone.Yugo app helps me to fill up myself whenever I’m bored for so many months.
There was I time, my junior highshool classmate shakira marie called me and had some talks about life or something. Honestly, that was the beginning of our friendship and we started to talk and have fun during quarantine. Since its been a month since I’m using yugo, I decided to take a rest from using it and continue having fun with kira.
“long time no talk!” kira said
“how are you? I missed you!”
“well, I’m good and still pretty same as you and I missed you too gurl!”
“do you know yugo?.” kira asked.
“yes, I’am!. I have yugo account too!”
“what a coincidence!” kira said with excitement.
“let do live stream sometimes!”
“sure why not!”kira answered.
After knowing that kira knows about yugo, we have been live streaming for almost five months, we already had a lot of friend in yugo and enjoys streaming every night. For five months, we never missed one day of streaming, everyday and every night we do yugo “routine” sounds fun right?. We’re tripping and having fun whenever someone came and stream with us (sometimes we flirt).
One day, when kira and I are waiting for our online class while we were streaming, someone raised his hand wanted to live stream with us and his name is King Glean Javier he’s from Infanta, Quezon Provice same as me Grade 12 student taking STEM curriculum. Kira and I had fun with him but for awhile, kira felt so hungry and left us streaming. While king and I are streaming alone and no one is watching, king open up and started to talk about his past.
“cess, have you been in a relationship?” king asked.
“how long have you been in a relationship?” he asked again
“okay okay… yes I’ve been in a relationship but it last just for 2 months I think?”
“why did you guys broke up?”
“actually my ex and I have never been I a fight, I just let him do what ever he wanted to do but I think did something wrong in that part because I just let him do everything he wants?”
“but by do you think you’re wrong?”
“ I’m wrong in the way that I “tolerate” his vices because I let him do what ever he wants to do to the point that I let him forget that he has a girlfriend waiting for his chats. I’ve been too considerate for him even though he doesn't make time for me anymore because I want him to be happy. To be honest, I don’t want him to let him go but I think there’s something wrong”
“awww, he’s so lucky but he didn’t prioritize you and keep you with love, I understand what your point is. I hope you’re okay now.” king said.
“how about you? I think you had something you want to say about your past for some reason.”
“actually I’m broken, I’ve been in a relationship in two years and five months.” he said
“aww! That’s long, but why does it ends?”
During this quarantine, were not allowed to roam outside since we are just a minor. One time I chatted her that I am supposed to go on their but suddenly she no, and she is so sorry because she doesn’t love him anymore and she’s with her new man. Even though she refused, I still go to their place and yah we talked to each other and she said sorry to me. But all I can is just to accept and let her go even if it hurts.” king said with mixed emotions.
“aww, that hurts but we just did our part.”
“yess! Kira is already here!!” king shouted.
When kira is already in, after fifteen minutes we decided to end up our live stream because king had to go and prepare for hin onlice class at one o'clock on the after noon and kira and I doesn’t have class that time. Around one thirty pm while I am scrolling at my social medias account, I saw King Glean sent me a friend request and that was an expected things to me and because I know him already, I accepted his request and I unexpectedly received wave message from him and yes, I waved back to him and started a conversation that day.
King told me that he didn’t expect me to accept his request since we just meet online which is on yugo and I told him that “why would I do that if I know you?” also he keeps telling that he is very comfortable with me and just like that and I am fun to be with and that day that we chatted to each other, that was the beginning for to know each other well. As time passes by, we had a lot of talks about our past and he send some picture like family pictures, we do random video calls, updates and were having fun a lot of time.
King made me feel excited every time that he is sending me a message and calling me every-time, I don’t know what to do but to stop what I am thinking for because there was a time that our topic is about entering again in a relationship again. One day he asked if ever that some will come into my life again, am I ready to be in a relationship again? And I told him yes but I asked that question back to him but hi didn’t answer. Also there was a time that he asked me if he’s attractive and I said “yes, you’re attractive the you are.” also the thing that I felt so excited because of him and he reminded me that he was not simping and he was just showy and clingy person. For some reason, king asked me like if am I “ghoster or not” because some of the other girls did that stupid things to him before and made him felt so bad.
“queen, I’m not saying this to you just to disappoint you or hurt you haaa, I was just thinking of you ghosting me someday.”
“uhmmm, its okay that you asked something like that to. But I must to you that majority of those guys or friends who came into my life are the first people who got tired off, not me. I don’t usually have an intentions of doing that stupid thing to someone because I know the feeling of being left behind or ghosted. So why would I do those event to people who are welcome to me but unfortunately, not welcome to them?” I answered.
“well, I got your point but this time, I want you to know that I will not let you feel what you felt from those people did that stupid case to you, I promise.”
“ I wanted them to stay but they’re looking for better person that I am. But you know its not our lost and we deserve better.” I added.
“yes we are.” he answered
“ you if I will be given a chance to tell something to those people who left you, I will tell the that “you lost a potential guy” jakahkhaka, bumble be like!
“how crazy lil silly you are!” he said
“king, lets just put in our mind that we did our part, they just let their stupidity dominant than being intelligent when it comes from hitting up!” I said.
“they need seminar from us!” his naughty answer.
After a week of communication, king suddenly didn’t send good morning because I’ve never missed receiving good-morning message for him and it made me feel sad. Eleven o’clock in the morning kira and I decided to stream and had talk about ourselves. While streaming I saw king watching our live and I started to share something about me while he still watching us.
“kira you know what, I’m clingy and approachable in person.”
“of course I know that” kira’s answer.
“but online, I’m not. I want someone will hit me up not me. I just want the first way of hitting up with someone in an opposite gender. In our culture before, the girls are sitting in pretty white the guys are the one who do the first move” I said.
Kira answered back, “sisz, at this point in time, we had an different world!, this, the girls are the one who’s doing the first move or the one who’s hitting up first not the guys anymore…. but not all the but most of the time hkahkahah”
“well, I’m just telling my side thooo, that’s my stupid mindset!”
“then try hitting up first so you will no gonna bored sisz!” kira said.
After that conversation with kira, king left and we just continue our talk. After thirty minutes that he had left, king is back and I said hi to him and he replied, “hello my baby”. after that reply, I felt so fluttered and that’s why I don’t know what to say but to laugh. That day I’m still curious why he’s not messaging me and I’m not feeling good that day that is why I post a status at my social media saying “aww, no chat and no good morning for today :(“.
As I woke up the next day, I felt so happy because he already messaged me and unexpectedly confront about my status.
“Good-morning baby, char” king’s message.
“aww, good-morning!” while I felt so fluttered.
“what was that drama?” he asked
King sent the screenshot of my status.
“ahhhhh, don’t mind it thoooo. HAHKAHKA”
“wait for awhile, my mom calls me to eat and you too” king asked.
While king is eating, there’s a lot of thing out of my mind. I’m curious about his moves. He’s too sweet all of a sudden.
“hello my baby! Char” he said
“too fast to eat…” I answered.
“ahy, I had the wrong idea.. hakhka”
At that point, I already knew about what is in his mind. I started to doubt and over-think what will happen next. I had this feelings that I can’t really even explain why am I too nervous or paranoid about something. There was a time that, because of this bad feelings, I always think about something that made my mind boast.
I had a lots of “what ifs” in my mind, “what if this guy left me?”, “what if he likes me too but he’s hesitating to tell or open up with me?”, “what if he still love his first love?”, “what if his first came back and left me behind?” ,“ what if we were not having a one sided love?”. but as time passes by, all those “what ifs” that I was scared off are suddenly happened on its time. Not in a negative way but positive and fluttering.
King said, “what is this?”, “what are this convos of us?”
“hala (omg)” I said as I felt my heart aching because of beating so fast.
“ I’m just asking, we had a lot of random video calls, right?, I always update you about me and you almost know my routine everyday, my errands, even my movements hkaha joke, etc.” he said.
“uhmmmmm.” speechless me.
“ for you what are these?” he asked.
“uhmmm, for me, this was just a typical convos just what like the others doing.” I know you and I know your side thooo.” I answered.
“but, what do you think you know about me?” he asked
“well, as far as I know, you don’t have plans to flirt since you’re not yet healed from you past right? You told me that you’re just showing who you are truly, right?” I said.
“ let’s say that “I’m not yet totally healed from the past”, but for me, I’m okay now. I already accepted the fact that we are not together anymore and we already had clear and good closure.” he said. “ I’m just holding back to open up with you before but since we were just seeing or meeting each other online.” he added.
“then, what do you mean by that feelings?” I answered. “how cute you are hkakhaa”
“I LIKE YOU, but the thing is I don’t think that fell the same way as me. Also were long distanced to each other” king said.
“ wait, is this a prank?” I asked
“why am I pranking you in this serious conversation?” king said.
All this time, I told king that, “I thought that it was all one sided”. For the reason that I don’t want hoping for someone and holding on to someone that will never last, I always taught myself not to be stupid in this kind of situations. Before this time came, I forced myself not to fall for him even though he shows motives about having feelings for me. I forces myself to put in mind that “two broken people will never make whole”. I forced myself not to be “fragile as glass” wherein someone will make me fall and no one will catch me and became just like a broken glass. I’m tired, tired of being left behind or ghosted, and begins from the start just like a cycle of pain, but suddenly my world stopped and I look like a dog, a dog that making face like I did something stupid, sitting on the corner of my room, thinking about ,“should I give a chance for us to flirt and build love for each other or not?”
Even though I over-think about him, I always think if how could I I know the answers about certain things that made think badly if I would not give it a try?. Everything has its different outcomes, they may be negative or positive. So what if I give it a try and in result, it will give happiness?
I said to king, “i understand you concern for me and you, yes were long distanced to each other, but don’t be too sad for it.”
“ I know that this is fast, but what if the time comes and you’ll the true colors of me? Would you still like me or not?” he said. “I know this isn’t formal, but I like you”. with sad emoji. “and I thingk you’re holding back”. he added.
“ I want you to know that I’ am not holding back. Honestly, I thought everything was just a one sided “feelings”. also, one of my weaknesses is attachment and I think I am attached from you.” I said.
“ therefore, that explains the rant on you facebook status?” he asked.
“yes, because I’m used to it already. Every I have good-mornings from you but suddenly, in just one changes it feels so bat for me.” I answered with sad emoji.
“ I just did that because I want to know if you will still chat when I an not messaging you, if you will look for me when I’m not around or online, but as u said in live with kasi, you’re not hitting up yourself and what you want is someone will hit you up on chat.” he said.”
“ but I messaged you that time!” I said while laughing.
After this, king told me not to tell kira about us, and as I respect his decision, i promised him that I will not tell kira about us for him. And continue our conversation about the fb post.
When king didn’t chat that time, I wasn’t supposing to chat him at night because I don’t know how to start, I don’t have any topics to start with but some of my friend pranked about lazada something. So that was the topic I brought up with him.
Although, I had this negatinve mindset in my head, i cant stop thinking about him. King is very different from all those guys that I have met online. He is very genuine, respectful, and an ideal guy for me. He respect me the way he respect his parents as I’ve seen in every video call we had and no words can explain how go he is. I like him just the way he is.
So as we continue our conversation that day, king told that he was just holding back before but fuck I was too far from him and he cant go here for me.
“ don’t that I was just holding back before because you’re too far from me and I cant go there for you?” he said
I said, “don’t you thing that I was just “nagpaparinig” or telling those things for a purpose? But it was true..”
“I can't be with you and i cant see yo, I can't hug you, I can't smell you and it’s fucking frustrating.” he sadly reply.
“aww, too cute…hmmm”, “ don’t message me on my second account ha, I want you here in my main.” I said.
“well, why do you need second account huh?” he asked?
“ that was long time ago, don’t be too curious.”
King suddenly became so funny and said, “Im just clingy not horny, HAHAHAHAHA.”
I replied, “well, that’s good, I’m scared from those who are like that… hkahka”
I thought when king wasn’t chatting me, that was the end of us but its not. He told that whenever he was not messaging me, he is busy doing something. After telling me about that, we have talked about how long is the traveling hour from here in longapo to infanta and it was too long. As I estimate the hours on how long the travel from olongapo to manila, it was two to three hours away and from infanta to manila, it was three to five hours. Therefore the estimated time from infanta to olongapo, it was too tiring to travel because it will be six to eight hours of traveling.
Within the day of our conversation, as I said before, king is always flooding me with his pictures. I already have his family pictures, pictures with his classmates and friends, his pictures of a beautiful view when he was resting after long ride of biking, also from being toddler to present. And I was so fluttered about it because the reason why he send his pictures is for me to avoid feeling lonely when I’m alone.
“i’ll send you my pictures ha, I just wanted you not to feel bad or lonely when you’re alone.”
“ awww, you’re too cute and sweet..” I replied.
“well, I’m cute when I was a child but what happened now?”he ranted.
“you’re still cute until now, you’re cute when you smile, that’s why I felt so fluttered whenever I see your smile..” I said.
“so you like my smile, you’re turned on whenever I smiled?”
“ can I say I love you?” he asked
“of course! Why not?” I answered.
“ I love you my queen” he said with emojis showing love
“ I love you too my king” I replied when feeling so fluttered.
After a month of getting to know each other well, one of the thing that I have been flattered about him is that, he asked me all of a sudden about “what is my favourite song is?”. And I told him my favourite song was “having you near me”. When I told him about that, after a minute of time, he called me and I was shocked because as I answered his call, my favourite song is playing on his laptop. And as we were video calling for a month already, he still playing it and lip syncing it for me.
So for a month of knowing each other, king decided to tell kira about us. And we planned to tell her in live so there’s a lot of fun that will be hold on.
“babe, lets do live at yugo and tell kira about us.” king said.
“sure, no problem but how?” I asked.
“we’ll let think, since sometimes her brain-cells are slow, hkahkaha.” he replied.
“you’re too harsh babe! Ahakha.” I replied.
“let’s go then..” he said.
When we were live streaming with kira, we were just acting like normal. We acted normal until the time comes for us to do what we planned awhile ago. During our stream, I told kira that I have something to tell her but there was a viewer who wants to stream with us and she send an invitation for it and suddenly didn’t hear and asked me what did I said.
“hello, king ask if what time are we going to stream and I told him that “right now” I said to kira.
“hhkahak, hey king is here now!” kira shouted.
“come up here king!” I said.
“hello guys!, wazzup? ” king said.
“hello!” kira and I said.
“kira, queen had something to tell you.” king said.
“whatttt!????” I shouted.
“wait, someone wants to stream with us, let me invite her.” kira said.
King and I continue to talk like at the same time that’s why its too loud to here.
“hey, what are you guys up to?” kira asked.
“nothing thooo, hkahkahka” I answered.
There was a viewer named “love” and everyone said “sana all love”
“ I love you babe!” king said
“ luhhh!, are you guys flirting?” kira said!
“ uhmmmm, yes?” I answered.
“ now, you knew it already! So we don’t have to think that much about us when it comes to you.. hkahka” king said.
When kira already knew about us, kira started to asked non stop about us, he aske so many things like how we started to open up to each other and king was the only one who’s answering all those question from kira since he was just the that kira was asking for.
“omg, king what’s poppin! Char”. kira asked.
“so, you like her?” asked kira.
“yes, I like her and I love her” king answered genuinely.
“sana all!” she shouted. “ but how and why?” kira asked.
“ I like and love her just the way she and no words can explain how I feel for her” king answered.
“stop asking, but the only thing that we can say is were both mutual, we like and love each other, hkahkah” I said.
“okay, fine! Sana all!” kira said.
“hey king! I just want to remind you ha, don’t make my bb gurl hurt ha or else you’ll be dead from me.” kira’s threat.
“ of course no!, I know the feelings of being hurt and why would I do those thing to my queen. She deserve to be loved not to be hurt” king answered.
“so, if you guys needs help, I’m always here for the two of you! I luh yuh” kira’s advice.
After our stream, king and I talked in facebook chat about the reaction of kira when we already told her about us. We were surprised about her reaction, she shouted and her eyes widened and she flustered about us.
On the next day, since king told me that they will be having a long ride from five to nine am, I waited for so long for him and flooded him a lot of messages until they came back home and called me even he’s not yet changed. I told him to rest but he resist because he wants me to see and to talk with.
Since we were running out of topics, I opened up someone who wont stop hitting me up, he’s too cringy and he doesn’t stop calling me baby, love, babe or something and he’s getting into my nerves every time he’s asking me for time even though I’m not that interested to him. Upon knowing all my rants about that guy, king decided to confront him and ask him to keep distance from me. while confronting him, the guy replied a lot of things that not makes sense as we were screen-sharing messenger. He opened a lot of thing like I had a bumble account and king doesn't even care about it because I didn’t use it anymore. After confronting the guy, we hang up our call so we can do thing that we need to do like doing requirements and online class.
A week after, I visited my yugo. Upon visiting, I saw jess “a gay” streaming with king. King saw me and said hi to me but jess is simpig with him without knowing that king and I had something together. Jess continue flirting while king is resisting from him. I had a lot of trust for him so I don’t get jealous about them. King invites me on their stream and pushing jess to king as making fun and enjoy with them at the same time until king has to leave the stream for the reason that he needs to attend his online class at that day.
Since king left the stream, jess and I continue to have fun. We did a lot of chika about something. He told me that he likes king but king said he had someone for a month or two months I think.
“is it true jess? You like him?” I asked.
“uhmm, yess hkahkaha” jess answered with feeling shy.
“hakhkahakha” speechless me.
“ can you help me?” he asked.
“uhm, hkhaha sure?” I replied.
While streaming with jess, I messaged king since he’s live hopping that time and told him about what jess said during our conversation but he initiate first. But eventually after a minute of time jess and I ended our live.
“i’m live streaming with jess.” I answered.
“i’m live streaming babe” he said.
“yes, I saw you online and watching” I replied.
“ but what are you guys talking about?” he asked.
“well, jess told me that he has crush on you.” I replied.
“wait, what!?” he loudly asked.
“ he said that he’s serious about you.” I replied.
“he’s just making fun form me, I know his trip thoo, hkahka” he said.
“ what if it’s true? He’s serious?” I added.
“ are you jealous?” he asked.
“no, I’m not, I promise.” I said
“are you sure, I’m just asking so I know what I need to do.” he replied.
“i’m not, promise” I answered.
“ I love you then.!” he said.
“I love you too, babe!” I repplied.
An hours after our conversation, jess and I started a live and talk something about his side for king. At first, he just great me like we were close and then he started to ask about king.
“cess!, how are you?” he joyfully asked.
“here, doin’ great, hkahka” I said while laughing.
“so what’s poppin girl?” he asked.
“nothing much bb!” I answered
“well, I felt so fluttered because kind said “I love you” awhile ago!” he’s fluttered answer.
“is that so?, hajhajhja” I said
“but I don’t take it as an advantage because he said that he had this girl chatting with him for 2 months I think?” he said
“awww, is that so? I know that he had but I’m not sure thooo.” I replied.
“do you know her?” he asked.
After this convo, king started to watch our live and jess started to flirt at him again but because king is straight and not interested on him, he decided just to go with the flow and make jess feel so fluttered.
“bb, king is already here!” I said to jess.
“oh my gosh!, hello baby!” excitedly answered.
“hkahkahakha” I just laughed at them and watch them.
While we were streaming, king messaged me and told me everything like how’ he feeling about jess’ trip.
“ I think that jess is just tripping up with me!” king messaged.
“ don’t you know what jess told me awhile ago? He said that you made him fluttered by saying “I love you” to him. Hkahkaha” I said.
“yes, I told him that but in the end, I said char!”.”he’s too naughty thoo, he’s trippin’ me or making fun of me, then I’ll go with the flow.” I added.
“hkahahakhaa” I just laugh
“I don’t know if he’s serious or not but I never mind it anymore because for me, you’re my one and only babe.” he said.
“but babe, lets not tell jess about us ha.” my favor for him.
“sure, why not!” he said.
“i just want to know something about him when it comes to, making sure that he will not steal you from me.” I naughty replied at him.
“what a crazy mind is that my queen? Hahhaa, remember that you’re always be my babe. I love you” he answered.
“ I love you so much babe!” I replied.
At this point, I felt so fluttered about him but I’m still streaming so I came back from our live but this time king is not watching anymore. So as king left the stream, jess started to tell chikas about him.
“bb, I streamed with king awhile ago and I saw that girl he was saying because he did screen-sharing.”
“on his instagram bb!” he replied.
(I got nervous but fighting since we don’t have some proof.)
“ but bb, I’m not sure because I didn’t recognized her well, and I saw a girl too on his messenger but I don’t thins that’s it too because there are so many chatheads and it’s all groupchats as well.”
“ahh, okay hkahakha.” I answered.
“bb, help me ha.” asking favor.
“yessss, promise..” I responded.
Jess and I had a lot of chika during live streaming. We had a lot of fun during that time. From all those news that I got from jess, I put in mind that king is not making stupid things as much as cheating because he knows how painful it is. I just prayed to God that I hope king is serious about me and not cheating to another girl. And I just thought that it was just a friend that he was talking with.
A night during at the same day, kira and I started live streaming again. At first, I critically think if should I tell kira or not about those news I heard from jess. I’m thinking because I know kira, kira is a judgemental person. Kira will say anything that she wanted to tell even without proof but for some reason I told her about it.
“sisz, I have something to tell you.” I said.
“what is it ?” she asked.
“sisz, jess said a while ago in our stream that king have someone in instgram like they were chatting there.” I said.
“aww, bad new siz!” he answered.
“that’s a red flag siz. Be mindful, stop what you are guys up to!”. she said.
“no, were not sure about it since we don’t have any proof about it!” I replied.
At this point in time I got pissed off from kira. She had a lot of thing that she said against king. She misunderstood king and judged him without knowing the truth as well as not having a proof. I got angry on her, she messed up king’s name with other people and the reason that I got into that feeling is because I don’t want someone will be hurt just because of me. Many guys misunderstood king since there was a viewers that time before. I defended king against them but they insist that I should stop being stupid for him in that situation but I keep pointing out to them that “why would I stop without knowing his side”, “ I know what to do, and what I need to do is t seek for the truth and let him explain for his side.”, and “In the end, I don’t want to regret that I didn’t let him explain his side.”
After the argument, king join us streaming without knowing that he was our topic. Even king was in our stream, kira continue to say anything about certain problems connected in my situation. King stay still and and keeping on quiet. Because of the fact that our live title is “RED FLAG”, I think king got the point of it and he left the stream and I panicked about it so I messaged him as soon as possible.
“why’d you left?” I asked.
(messenger’s ringing, he called)
“babe, why’d you left?” I asked?
“ I just left because I can’t understand what are you guys up to.”
“ but babe, is it true that you had someone on IG?” I asked?
“what?, who said those things to you?, is that the reason why “red lfag” is the title of your live?” he asked like he’s stressed out.
“i must say yes?, I don’t believe jess about it thooo.” I said.
“if that so?, let me show you the dm section for clarification.”
(king showed me his dm section and messenger through screen sharing)
“see?, I don’t have another girl. The girl in my instagram is my yugo friend, the reason why I’m chatting with her is that I’m asking her if what time they are going to live.” he said.
“well, don’t be too stressed out about that. I trust you babe. So have a good vibes..” I said to him.
“i’ll hang up this call, go to your live and vibe with them” he said like he’s hurt.
“don’t mind it anymore babe, just put in your mind that I trust you.” I said before he hanged up.
After the call, king messaged me saying “I love you” and I answered back to him “I love you too”. I cheered him up by telling him that I have trust on him that why I keep fighting for him.
“how could you trust me? Why are you keep saying that you had trust on me, thooo were just talking on yugo and online?” he asked.
“why?, you don’t want me to have trust on you?” I asked him back.
“it’s up to you” he replied.
“well, I’ll trust you anyways that I want.” I said.
King said,“we still cant be on an intimate love.”, “were not meeting in person, we two are just hoping, and this is just a “HOPE”. it will be a long time for us to reach or pursue this kind of intimate love.”
“it will never be intimate if you would not give it a try, right?” I answered.
“i just don’t want you to be hurt” he said.
“why? Do you have plan to left me and find some other girls near to you? You don’t trust me or not?” I asked.
“ughhh! Fuck, this is so hard to explain.” “ how could this type of our situation work?” he’s frustrating asked for me.
“it will never work if we will not try it king.” I said.
“so you’ll take risk, even though its an online relationship?” he asked
“i’m ready to take risk tho, but I don’t know if you’re ready too.” I said.
“ I want it too, but I’m too coward for this because I don’t want to cause you pain” he replied.
“it will work if the both of us will fight together” I said.
“ just let the time work, lets wait for the right time for us, okay?, I’m just here.” he said.
I replied, “ I LOVE YOU TOO”.
After this conversation, I almost cry because I overthink and I overthink about what will happen the next. I had a lot of what ifs again like, “what if one day he will not chat me anymore?”, “what if he left me hangging?”, “what if he’s restraining himself for us to have an intimate love?”, “what if someday he will tell me for us to stop?”. That night I felt so unwell, I felt so empty and that time, I loose appetite to stream in yugo but after thirty minutes, That point in time, I must say that, that was the worst night that I had in my life. My what ifs that I was scared off suddenly happened on its wrong timing. My world crumbled and the only thing that I can do is to cry secretly. Not as being an exaggerated person but I asked God why did this thing happened to me?. king was the only one who made me feel that I deserve to be respected, I deserve to be love, and I’m worth it just I am. I thought he’s the one, the one that will never leave me behind.
“why did you fell for me?, we don’t have label but we’re calling each other “babe” and saying “I love you” back to each others?” he asked.”I’m just clearing things up tho,”
“I fell for you because you’re different from all those guys that I met before.” I answered.
“i like you just the way you are. Because of you, I felt so excited to wake up in the morning, and no words can explain how different you are” I answered.
“ cess, we don’t have label right?” he asked
(at this point, I got very nervous, he called me cess already, there so many things came up in my mind and I don’t even know what to do.)
“can we stop this for a while?” he asked.
“but why?” I asked him back.
“ I’m having a hard time because of this, I’m studying and I’m worried if someday I cant be able to make you happy, I cant be able to update you, I cant be able to talk with you and I cant be able to make you smile” he said.
“what if I’m not willing to stop of what we have for so long?” I asked. “ I understood your point, were both student here and all we can do is to go with the flow and sorry if kira misunderstood you before.” I added.
After that, king called me and explain his side, he told me to stop the things that we are up to and be friends this time. He told me that he will never change, the king that I know before will be the king until the end. He’s too sorry for me, he told me that if there is something wrong about us is that could be him. I don’t need to blame myself about us because it’s all in him. He love me but the distance woke us up to reality that it will be hard for us to enter in a relationship that we were up to. In that point, I don’t know what to do but to cry and accept his decisions.
“cess,please don’t cry anymore” his message.
“i’m okay, thank you” I replied. “ but agai, sorry for messing up your name. I ‘am also wrong to let my feelings brought me up on what we are before.” I added.
“it’s okay, we cant really control our emotions and again, I’m sorry” he replied.
“yes, masakit pero ayos lang (it hurts but it’s fine)” I said.
“i’ am really sorry, it’s all my fault” he replied.
“ thank you for everything, for making me feel that I’m worth it to love and to have.” I said.
“ you’re worth it, but you’re not meant for me” he said.
“thank you king.” I replied
And king answered, “thank you queen”.
After our conversation, I visited my yugo and I saw jess streaming. I watched and I was invited to his live. Even though I’m still crying that time, I accepted his invitation and act like I had flu but behind that, I was still crying for what happened for awhile. Since jess and I used to talk about king, he asked me again and I answered it all.
“bb, do you know the girls now? The girl that king talks about?” his ask.
“uhhmm, why do you keep aking me about her?” I asked him.
“well, I’m just curious” he said.
“honestly, I was the girl who you wanted to know!” I answered.
“omg, is it true? I’m sorry” he said. “how are you guys tho?” he added.
“actually, we just ended up what we are before I stream with you. And the reason that I have runny nose it is because I’m still crying right now.” I replied
“what was the reason?” he asked.
“honestly because of what you’ve said before, I told kira that king has someone on his IG and she started to make assumptions against king, tho I’m not believing on that thing since I don’t have proof about it. And I think the reason why he did that decision is because he felt so down about what din kira said before” I said.
“omg, I felt so bad for that. I think its all my fault. In our place, they always call me a relationship wrecker because I’m always messing up relationships. Today, I have I messed up three relationship. Sorry, its all my fault.” he said.
“don’t be sorry, its not your faulth bb.” I said.
“ I know how king loves you, he’s always sharing something good about you. He’s always flexing you cess.” he said
“i felt that love from him jess, but I think he downgrade himself and brought himself into that decision” I replied
“ it’s okay not to be okay bb, everythinh will be alright.” he’s cheering me up.
“i met a lot of guys before but he’s the only one who made me feel like this, I will wait for him. I’ll wait for one week and will not entertain some other guys and if king didn’t message me within a week, I’ll let him go.
Jess replied, “I’ll support you in any ways, I’m just here for you.”
On the next day, I felt so empty, I don’t have appetite to attend online classes, I just wanted to sleep all day and that feeling was what I felt for a couple of days. The people that I am with in our home keep asking me “what happened to me”, I am acting different for a couple of days, and I became quiet and I just want to be alone. Because of the fact that I am broken, I brought up myself into this situation. Since I don’t know what to do, I keep on crying all day and open up from some of my friends on yugo. I did not entertain kira for three days but as a friend I forgave her.
As time passes by, I’m still broken. I always posted a lot of “hugot” message for him, I shared posts related to my situation and how I felt since he left me, I always post memes for a purpose and all of those are for him, but as I’ve said, time passes by and the most awaited time for a couple of days just happen on its perfect timing.
One day, on the afternoon, I was just scrolling at my social medias and unexpectedly king sent me a picture saying that “ thank you sun for the warmth, thank you clouds for the shade, and You, thank you for existing.” my heart aches because it beats so fast, I felt so fluttered about that and I rashly forward it back to him.
After this event, everything has returned. We begin right from the start but at this point in time, we put God in the center of our relationship until he grant us the grace and time for us to meet after waiting for so long and suffer long distance relationship. Now, we are the characters of our on story, no supreme beings, no power, no fairy, and sailing on a huge sea while putting in our mind that our relationship is not like a book or a movie anymore that runs fast as flash and began and started to last.
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