It's Cristy B

My problem is is that I'm a talented writer, but my brain is an obstacle. It interrupts my flow of thought and disrupts the words I truly feel, obsessing over how it will be 'read' or 'understood' or whether I could change the wording to 'explain it better.' It's a curse, erasing the rawness of what I really want to say. I don't know when I became so distant from writing.

Maybe it comes from having to craft every sentence with perfection whilst studying creative writing and literature at University, the threat of docked marks from not using the 'best word choice' dissolving my natural instinct. Or it could be the rise of Instagram, an endless pit of carefully curated words fighting in the noise to be heard. To 'hit home', 'stand out' and 'be creative' in a sea of content that, when you really think about it, is all the same. There, creativity exists in a bubble of rules, expectations and algorithms. It forces my creativity into a box, a 'check-list', and my vision beyond that box has fizzled away. I think perhaps its both, as well as the gradual peeling away from myself that I have suffered for over a decade.

I think I forgot that writing is creative, it is for me. It is meant to be raw and off-beat and heart felt and controversial. It is meant to ignite emotion, make us feel seen, heard, valid.

Writing is meant to be real. And it feels like my calling. I'm not meant for the battlefield of reels or for content that delivers one message but shows another through its curation. I am meant for creativity. I am meant for vulnerability. I am meant for truth and for being so unapologetically truthful about my experiences through life no matter how dark they were. I am meant to make others feel seen by showing myself fully through my words.

I feel the urge to write tonight. I'm not sure what about. I guess there's a lot on my mind. I'm back home after my longest travel trip and things just feel weird.

There’s something about Northern Thailand - it’s slow, comforting, like relaxing your shoulders after a long day.

This place helped me grow so much. It completely changed my life. It was my first solo trip, the scariest thing I’ve ever done. And it changed my life.