dying but trying

It’s 2AM and I’ve downed more shots than you can ever imagine. I’m trying to fill the void of nothingness that’s been lingering in my chest ever since you left. I’m drunk out of my mind and I hate everything, I hate everything but you, in fact, I still love you, an awful fucking lot.

does that mean with practice I could manage to speak as fast as Eminem in “Rap God”?

Honestly I don’t think anyone is able to speak or rap as fast as Eminem in ‘Rap God’, haha. But I mean you can try.

Totally fine by me, and rap? Awesome, my only rhythm is in my feet so I can’t rap to save my life, most I could do is probably some horrifying karaoke.

It isn’t that hard to do though, I mean you write your shit out and then find a beat and take it slow then build up to going fast. It just takes practice.

Personal shit is never fun, I think everyone around here would understand not wanting to discuss it haha. What genre of music do you make?

Yeah, it isn’t all that great, something I don’t wanna do again, but you’re right, I don’t feel like discussing that part of my life with people, it’s buried and in the past.  I make rap music, I’ve been writing since I was seventeen.

That’s quite a while, did you lose your inspiration or just take some time off for daughter duties?

I just had some personal shit that went down and needed to get my head straight. And after that I went on daddy duty.

How long has it been? I wouldn’t really know the feeling because I obsessively shop for music rather than make it.

I haven’t been in a studio since June, man. So some months, haha.

What’s she like?

She’s a pretty laid-back kid, kind of goes with the flow and pretty hilarious, but she’s definitely a daddy’s girl and clingy whenever I’m around. I’m glad though, she’s like her mom and not like me. I was a pretty rowdy kid, so.

Decomposing is far more accurate.

Yeah, definitely. Her name’s Casie.

Why? It’s the truth. There’s also deceased, or she’s passed, or even the ever so popular ‘no longer with us.’ Condolences.

But laying in the ground is the truth too so.

Oh how old is she? I just ask my brothers what do my nieces and nephews want, I go into the store, buy it and then walk out, I’m an efficent buyer.

She just turned five back in August. Ha, I don’t have any nieces or nephews, not yet anyway, so all I have to worry about is buying for one kid. Hey, whatever works though. Getting in and out of places during the holidays is like getting through hell.