Benjy Fenwick

This was the first proper conversation they were having after their break up and she couldn’t help but voice her thoughts. “I missed you.”  Her voice was small, barely audible if he wasn’t sitting right next to her. She hadn’t meant to said it out loud, but she stood by her words. The decision to break up with him hadn’t come lightly to her, she’d been sitting on it for weeks, trying to tell herself that things would change, but ultimately she knew that she was doing him a favor. It was for the best. He had a big career as a professional Quidditch player ahead of him and she felt like she was the reason he was holding back, at least that was what she told him. It wasn’t just their careers. The war had been the final straw for her. She felt like she had a huge target on her back and he had it by association because he spent so much time around her. She couldn’t bear it if he got hurt because of her, so she did what she had to do. She distanced herself. Greta had mentioned it to him before, how she was scared they’d come after him because of her, but he’d always tried dismissing her worries.

“I agree.” It was calmer, even if the same death eaters from their time would come, people knew their identities now. There was no anonymity for them to hide behind. Which meant they had less power, although she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t still scared of them. “But it’s not home.” This wasn’t their time, while it was nice to be here she didn’t feel like it was where she should be. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re doing what you love. You’re a great Quidditch player.” She smiled at him, taking another sip of her butterbeer before she said too much. Greta winced at what he said next. She still felt guilty about that day, but she tried telling herself that it was for the best. “I think I owe you an explanation.” Chances are when they’d go back to their time he’d forget this ever happened. So he’d still be safe. 

Benjy heard her barely audible whisper, he desperately wanted to tell her he missed her, but he knew that would only make this harder. If he could choose, they would still be together, but she’d made the decision, and he had no choice but to respect her wishes. It only became more difficult when she was sat next to him, whispering about how she missed him. It wasn’t just Greta though, he knew that his work with the Order was going to be complex, he was putting her in even more danger by being with her. He’d never cared about any danger he was putting himself in, that didn’t matter to him, all that mattered was that she was okay. Why did everything have to be so complicated? “I’ve missed you too,” he replied, looking down at his glass, he couldn’t look her in the eye. He was never lost for words normally, but today it seemed like a frequent occurrence. 

The man found it very difficult to listen to her continue with the conversation as normal, he wanted to talk, desperately, but the words weren’t forming in his mouth. He didn’t even grin when she mentioned he was a great Quidditch player, that would normally at least get a smile. It was almost a relief when she mentioned an explanation, maybe somehow they could figure this out. “No, you don’t need to explain, I know,” he nodded, his eyes locking with hers. “I get it.” He sighed, rubbing a hand against his forehead briefly, trying to decide what to say next. “Everything was against us, work, the war, time, it got difficult and relationships aren’t meant to be that difficult, right?” he raised an eyebrow at her, but it was obvious he didn’t agree with his last statement. “Where’s the fun if it’s not difficult? You're the one person who I would happily fight all of those things for. I want you and I don't care if I have to cut back on work or... I realise now that you're the most important thing to me.” he told her, searching for something in her eyes, begging for her to see what he could see. It took less than a moment for him to sigh again. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do that...” 

Greta couldn’t help but laugh at his joke, brushing her hair behind her ear. He had always had the ability to make her laugh. It was as if no time had passed. For one moment it felt like everything was back to how it used to be. Even though she knew logically that it shouldn’t feel like this. 

She was about to get her wallet out of her bag too, but he was quick to pay. “Thanks. I’ll get the next one.” Stupid. Why did she say that? He probably didn’t even want to have another drink with her and got her this one just to be nice. She wouldn’t blame him if he hated her, she’d be extremely upset at him if the situation was reversed, she didn’t think she could ever hate him.“A bit is an understatement. At least for me. Everything’s so different. The changes are mostly good, I think? I can’t say I miss living during a war. What about you? How are things?” What kind of stupid question was that? How are things. What things? God, she was a mess around him now. She wanted to ask if he had a place to stay, if he had family here and tons of other questions but she stopped herself. It was none of her business. 

Benjy perked up when he heard her mention the next one, maybe he should’ve been angry at her, but he’d understood where she was coming from when she broke up with him; if he hadn’t tried to trick himself for so long, maybe he would have come up with the idea. “Oh, so you’re planning on us having more than one drink,” he jested, knowing that the girl had only said it because it was the polite thing to do. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on me,” he reassured her. 

“I agree,” he responded, taking another sip of his drink before he continued. “It’s different now- in a good way.” He wanted to say more, but he didn’t want to overshare. Benjy did think that the future was amazing and he was so excited to find out more about what happened to him, but he also couldn’t help but think that they didn’t belong. “Things are great though, just playing Quidditch, you know, the usual,” he grinned, it was difficult to get him to stop. “What are you doing? I haven’t seen you since... haven’t seen you in ages.” Benjy knew he should just come out and address the elephant in the room, but maybe for a few more moments he could be polite, he could avoid talking about one of the most devasting moments in his life. 

It wasn’t hard to figure out that he didn’t know it was her either. While it did make her feel slightly better, she still felt pretty awkward. There was a reason she had been avoiding him as long as she did. She knew she’d get weak when she saw him again. Greta had hoped that with time she’d get over him, but by the way her heartbeat started to quicken by his presence next to her it clearly hadn’t worked. 

She nodded in confirmation, a smile on her lips because he remembered. “It is.” 

“Would’ve been awkward if it wasn’t,” he joked, a grin rising on his lips for the first time in the conversation. Benjy was usually good with social situations, but he had no idea how to react to this. He had loved Greta- he was still in love with her; he wanted to ask her thousands of questions about her life since he’d last seen her, but he knew it was none of his business. He wished that they were still together, everything about this situation would’ve been a bit more comforting if she was standing by his side. 

Benjy’s thoughts were interrupted by the bartender placing their drinks down in front of them, he pulled out his wallet, passing them some money before raising his drink to her and taking a sip. The drink gave him a few moments to think of a good question to ask, “How are you coping with this leap forward? A bit of a shock right?” 

Greta was startled when she heard Benjy’s voice, almost falling of the bar chair she’d been sitting on. She couldn’t believe that he was here, now. Next to her. Why did he look so good still? How couldn’t she have seen him when she came in? Did her hair look good?  God how she wished she had a mirror so she’d know, she hoped it wasn’t messy or anything. “I-um I-” She played with the ends of her hair, nervous. What was she supposed to say to her ex boyfriend that she hadn’t seen in over a year? Had it been that long? She’d missed him a lot, but she’d been too chicken to reach out to him. “You umm.. you don’t have to. Thank you.” 

The man hadn’t taken in who he was speaking to, but when he realised it was her, he found it difficult to hide his surprise. He hadn’t seen Greta in over a year, he hadn’t spoken to her since they’d broken up and seeing her again only made his feelings rush back. Benjy almost wished he hadn’t spoken, he was still finding it difficult to respect their agreement about staying away from each other, and here they were sitting next to each other at a bar. “No, it’s fine,” he replied in confirmation, turning to the person behind the bar. “Can I get a butterbeer as well please.” 

Benjy took a moment before turning back to her, a small smile on his face. “I assume that’s still what you want?” 

Benjy had kept himself to himself, which was unusual for him, but today he’d decided to venture out and go for a drink in The Leaky Cauldron. He sat down at the bar, ordered a drink and then looked over at the person next to him. “You want a drink?”