cat dad extraordinaire

I was hoping to slide into town subtly and not make a peep but it looks like the second the moving trucks rolled in my Harper Bazaar interview hit the internet and now I can go online without seeing everyone talk about my break up and why I’m not in support of how my latest film in being promoted. I promise I’m trying to put all that drama behind me and have a normal, calm, fresh start here in Mount Meadow. I’m not the biggest fan of the person I became in the last year or two and am ready for a change. 

Please point me in the direction of the nearest bar and I’ll give the first day of the rest of my life a do-over tomorrow after I’ve gotten properly sloshed. 

@mountmeadow·

Does it help at all that I didn’t see the article? I hate stuff that does nothing but cause unnecessary drama but I totally feel you. When me and my ex broke up, it was all over the internet and it’s like, “Yeah, thanks for reminding me that happened.” It’s good you’re ready to make a change though! I think that takes a lot of bravery to say you have things about yourself you want to work on. Nearest bar? I guess that depends on where in town you’re living! It’s worth the extra travel to go grab drinks at Assembly if you can but there might be one closer. I’m Alex, by the way. Welcome to town!

@itsalcal​ uploaded a photo to Instagram:

blonde bimbo summer

I let a couple of my friends convince me to go fishing with them and I knew what I was getting myself into but I didn’t expect it to be as boring as it was. At least the actual fishing part. We made our own entertainment when we got too restless. Don’t ask Misha about getting shoved off the side of the boat because he won’t admit to it, I bet. It was hilarious though. Is there anyone out there that actually likes fishing? I don’t think it’s bad, I just don’t have the patience for it. 

Since Natalie had managed to get a cabin, it was no surprise that Chris had made his mind up that he would be staying with her for the entire week. Despite arriving yesterday, Chris had yet to actually head down to the camp site and meet the guy who was supposed to be his roommate in the tent. “Hey, Alex right?” He questioned as he approached the guy, “I’m Chris, we were supposed to be roommates.” [ @itsalcal· ]

Alex has taken to sitting outside his tent for the afternoon, smoking a cigarette and listening to music. He sees the familiar man approach and he holds up a hand to wave, giving him a lazy grin. “Yeah, that’s me.” He snuffs out his cigarette and greets Chris properly with a handshake. “Oh, yeah. Hey, man! I was wondering if you got lost or something but I figured you were probably just busy. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna complain about having a tent to myself.” 

Alex: My friend gave me this number and told me to mess with you Alex: But that’s not really how I do things because I’m not mean like him Alex: Tell me a your deepest, darkest secret, mystery person

Dobrev, where the hell have you been hiding? I say like I haven’t been hiding for the last like, 6 months. We need to catch up – I don’t have much to tell you so you better have some good news for me. You know I hate mediocrity. You into art at all? There’s this cool art museum in town I really wanna go see but I’m only bringing someone with me if they can appreciate the finer things in life.

We’re masters of time. It’s the only explanation for us arriving in time for a free vacation. It’s been years since I went camping so I’m ready to embrace it. I’m about to try and do everything this week and head home exhausted but it’ll be worth it. My line of thought is if we don’t bother the bears, they won’t bother us. We don’t need bad juju of thinking bears are going to attack us all in the middle of the night. I’m in a cabin! I was lazy and didn’t want the stress of putting up a tent. Wakeboarding sounds fun. I want to go check out Wizard Island just for the name alone. Won’t even be mad if it’s not that great. Yes! I love that. We’re the A team forever now.

We’re out here totally fucking up the time-space continuum and I’m here for it. I go camping a lot actually, I just haven’t had time the last few months. You gotta cram it all in because otherwise did you really get to enjoy it while it lasted? Yeah, exactly – and honestly, they probably wouldn’t mess with like, 20 or more people making a bunch of noise. I feel you – putting that tent up was the biggest shit show of my life and I was kinda wishing I chose a cabin instead. Oh well. I was thinking the same thing about Wizard Island actually because like, who wouldn’t want to go see what that’s all about? At least you can say you went there. Fuck yeah, the A team! If you don’t already have plans to go to the island, let’s go together. See if it’s all it’s cracked up to be.

Get to town and head straight on a camping trip? Do I have great timing or what? I can’t remember the last time I went camping but I’m excited about it. The whole bear thing doesn’t even phase me. Carry pepper spray and back away slowly — that’s the technique or so the internet tells me. So, tell me, did you stay in a tent or cabin? What’re you most looking forward to? If someone wants to come exploring the camp grounds with me then please do. I might even throw in a free meal for you. @mountmeadow·

Same – I just got here yesterday and the timing couldn’t have been more on point. I love camping and it’s been way too long since I went on a real camping trip. Oh yeah, me either. What’s the point of worrying the whole time about bears anyway? I’m staying in a tent – what about you? I don’t know, there’s so much to do. I’m kinda thinking I might try out wakeboarding while I’m here though – that sounds like so much fun. I’m down to explore with you, especially if there’s free food involved. We can be the A team! Because, y’know, Avril and Alex... okay, that’s dumb, I’m sorry.

Man, you can’t get adopted into my weird family and not expect me to come harass you too. You’re basically like my brother now which means we need to hang out. You like art? Or like, going out? Because let’s be real, I’m usually stuck hanging out with two old fuckers who are like my dads and that gets a little boring. So how about it? I can’t like, drive a bike or whatever but I’m still pretty fun.

What’d you think about that picture of Misha I sent to the group chat? I think my days might be numbered now that he knows I have that, but I think it was worth it. Maybe next time he should try not to fall asleep where people can take embarrassing pictures of him. I might have to change my name and enter Witness Protection now though... I’m thinking Beauregard for a first name. Anyway, I finally picked up that Pokémon game you keep talking about – haven’t started it yet though. I felt like it wasn’t right to start it if you weren’t here to see me name my character something stupid.

well now when you got one in, you just will get the rest of them. you’ll get used to it, honey. no but no worries, i don’t want to give you any more nightmares. from now on, diaper duty is on anyone but you. you can be on like… teen duty when they get older and talk them out of stupid shit. i’m a cute dumb little baby! don’t you forget it. i want to kiss you, idiot.

i am so impressed he managed to get you to do that. it was… a sight for sure. i thought you were going to pass out at least three times. no worries, i won’t put you through that again i swear! well well, dumb little baby, hm? now i don’t feel like coming over to you at all since you’re being mean to me. okay, i will. but i will only focus on the cats and also play the new pokémon game. you in?

Consider it a done deal. I’ll try not to die, but if I do please promise me you’ll take care of Tom. He needs to be constantly looked after. Ugh, we better be her new besties. I’ll even take godmother of her baby at this point. It’s the hardest part of being a fully functioning adult and I hate it. So much so in fact that I just wear sweats out of the house now. Who is glammed up Zendaya? We don’t know her in this house. Okay, adding that to the list. I’ll be spam texting you al my song thoughts here soon so I hope you’re ready to be annoyed with my friendship all the time. Ugh, I know. Skins was ahead of its time and one of the best things my eyes have ever seen. I would too. If only my favs were still alive because they’d blend right into this world.

I think I can make that promise. I’m not great at taking care of kids, but I think I can handle a grown man. I might have to DM her on Twitter and let her know what’s up. She’s obviously missing out on two great friends. My mom gets so annoyed when she sees pictures of me out with my friends and I’m wearing something that even looks remotely like sweatpants. She always says I look homeless and I keep telling her that’s rude. Sweats are totally in right now anyway! No, seriously, text me whenever about music. I love it, if you couldn’t tell. It really was and it’s too bad the US version totally flopped. It could’ve been something great but I guess I can live with the fact we got the original and it was fucking amazing. Man, don’t even get me started about Chris... I might start crying.

Brad and I always made sure the kids knew that just because mommy and daddy have money that doesn’t mean we will buy them out of trouble. We’ve always told them that if they are old enough to do the crime they’re old enough to deal with the consequences. Don’t get me wrong I love my children more than life itself but I’m not going cover their asses if they do something wrong.

I can’t believe Jensen made me change a diaper last night. A diaper. I’m thinking therapy is in my near future. I’m never doing that again. Don’t even think about asking me. I knew you guys were lying when you said I wasn’t going to have to wipe any baby butts. I’d rather try and give my cats a bath – and that’s saying a lot. Anyway, I’m done complaining – when are you coming over to meet my new cat? He’s a dumb little baby, kind of like you.