Recovery

Colmar in Alsace, France (via vsco.co)

Sara Brackbill

olyaslovo

Hass Idriss | Spring/Summer 2019

Skip. Skip. Skip. I miss you so much right now. I keep playing old memories in my mind. You were a large part of my life for 13 years. And somehow I’ve managed to live 5 more years without you. I don’t know how I’ve done it. You always held my hand and walked me through things. I was your little girl and you protected me from the big bad world. But you’re gone. You’ve been gone for almost 6 years. I’ve been without my best friend, hero and role model for almost 6 years and everyday is a battle. As I lay in bed, I can remember the smell of your shirt and how it smelled like cigarettes when I buried my face in it. I remember how your beard used to tickle me when you tucked me into bed at night. I remember our weekend deep sea fishing trips even though I would get sea sick and spend all day throwing up over the boat. I remember camping and “bear hunting”. I remember running away on thanksgiving and pigging out on Swiss rolls just for us to go home and throw up before we are thanksgiving dinner. I remember how upset mommy and grandma were. Those were the good days. When I spent the week at home and the weekend with my best friend. Time flies. People change. And pain changes things. I miss you so much right now. Things are incredibly tough and I just wish I had your hand told hold. To hear you say “it will be okay buttercup” and “me too” just one last time would change my heart for the better. 13 years of life with you. And I only have a handful of pictures. And it breaks my heart more than you will ever know. You were my best friend. As I lay in bed, I replay memories. I smell you. And I feel you. You’re strong. You’re here. You’re protecting me. But papa, the guilt still eats me alive day in and day out. I never told you that I loved you before you died. And you died not knowing how I truly felt about you. You were, and still are my hero. I wanted to take boys home to you. I wanted you to scare them into respecting me. But you’re gone. I have no one to look after me like that. You were a good man Grandpa Skip. And the day you died, I died inside too. But as time goes on, you learn to pick up the pieces and put yourself back together with glue and tears. So that’s what I’m gonna do until I can see you again but know that my heart is forever with you 💓😭

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