slave training

1. Respect their need for privacy and to spend time on their own.

2. Be careful never to embarrass them in public.

3. When they are in a new situation, allow them to stand back, and watch what’s going on.

4. Allow them time to process what you’re asking or saying. Don’t demand an answer right away.

5. Be patient if they hesitate to find the right words – and never interrupt while they are speaking.

6. If you are going to change or cancel plans, give them plenty of prior notice.

7. Allow them to practice and perfect skills alone.

8. Correct or challenge them privately – never in front of an audience.

9. Don’t force them to hang out with a crowd of people, or expect them to amass a lot of friends. A few good friends is more comfortable for them.

Dominance and submission isn’t a job.  There may be times when it seems like a task-based system of performance and reward, but that’s just a small part it.  My reality is that D/s is a labor of love.  That said, I don’t serve simply for his pleasure, although his pleasure is certainly my greatest reward.  In some regards, I’m very much an altruist, yet I seek something from him in return for my service.  I seek the quieting.

I can get a beating from my favorite tops.  I can negotiate an impact scene from a trusted sadist to get what I need from a physical perspective.  They can get me to subspace, but can’t quiet me.

Quieting comes from Sir. When chaos reigns in my mind, when my world is tilting off its axis, it is the quieting I need.  The exchange of power in our dynamic hinges on this one key concept.    

My service.  My submission.  My surrender.

I offer it all in exchange for just one thing.

I wish I had an easy answer, but I don’t. Looking back, it was always there. He was always a structured guy driven to provide and protect. I was always driven to please and distressed if I didn’t, couldn’t, or merely thought I had disappointed. We met when I was just a kid because I was friends with His sister. He’s just over 5 years older than I am. So He’s been calling me little one literally forever. So all the big D/s underpinnings were there from the beginning.

Now on any given day I might say I’m filled with deep regret for not having figured it out sooner. A lot of that is vanity. Who wouldn’t want to know what they know now in their 19 year old body? And my imagination can easily whip up the life not lived as some magical fairytale.

At exactly the right time probably doesn’t fit either though. It would have eliminated strife, heartache, and unnecessary bumps and bruises along the way if I knew better sooner.

Look, I was raised with all the same vanilla crap messages as everyone else. I was ignorant, judgemental, and fearful of bdsm and D/s. I knew little of my own body and the pleasures it could bring the both of us. It took time to understand and then find self acceptance, let alone begin to approach bdsm and D/s. Could I have done it different? No doubt. Could I be doing it better today if I’d done it different? Maybe.

Here’s what I will say, especially to newbies: IT’S NEVER TOO LATE. There is no one right way and a thousand wrong ways to explore bdsm and D/s. But you will learn and grow from mistakes – yours and your partner’s. There will be pain in your growth. Change is hard. Go at your own speed. What you think/like today will probably change. And that’s okay.