No, you don’t understand. People with BPD notice everything. We notice when you don’t smile as wide at us one morning. We notice when you don’t hug as tight. When you don’t sound quite as happy when speaking to us. When you look the slightest bit uninterested in what we’re saying.
And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like you’re enjoying yourself, we assume that you’d rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.
And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but it’ll still eat away at us. We’ll feel abandoned.
And “You should have been there!” is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and we’re happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So don’t rub it in.
Instead, say, “Yeah, we had fun, but I’m glad I’m here now” or, “… that you’re here now”. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated.
I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who don’t know.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
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