I Don’t Know, Maybe Its Life

I wonder what we could have been if you didn't do it. Which part are in our dreams.

My heart:

How I wish I am enough for you. For all we know I wasn't enough for you. Because of you were, I wouldn’t be this miserable. Now I feel worthless, fool and dumb.

You are not the star for their growth

Nor the compass for their painting

Do as you promised

Some days you’re fine and

Some days you’re just fucked

Nothing will ever fix

The hole you got there for it’s fix.

Hard to learn, too late to realize and exhausting to pursue.

Lost as I can’t measure how.

Lost as I don’t know when and what.

Just lost.

It is just so hard to make peace. With the past, with yourself, with the peope who hurt you and with what’s happening in the world.

I have all the weight and it is very heavy. But I understand I am still not helpless.

I worried for my husband in worrying to me right now.

I can’t blow up and just cry every night in his shoulder. He needs peace too.

But last night he caught me… he went home early and caught me crying. I tried telling him it was the movie but nah we know it’s not.

I was about to blow up but I don’t want him to hate me. I also do not know how to organize all the thoughts and feelings so he won’t be overwhelmed.

I love him and I’m happy but this shit is just so annoying that even I can’t recognize to which is which.

I have lots of wonders of thoughts…

I would not say I woke up with peace today but this day is not as heavy as what was it yesterday.