a bootleg of somebody's heartbeat

Second week of college and you’ve shown me kindness that I forever want to keep in my heart.

So I tried telling this problem to a friend pero she’s busy playing ROS with her brother. I don’t take it against her naman, everyone is busy. Pero I just want to take this off my shoulder bago ako matulog. Inaantok na ako at pagod pa.

Right now, napapaisip ako sa magiging med school journey ko. 

Because I am currently being offered a chance to become a doctor, for free.

One university (basta kasama sa big 4, ayoko lang idisclose) offered me its highest scholarship (wow big feat mumshie). Sobrang ganda ng benefits. Malaki yung financial gain na makukuha ko if I will still pursue that scholarship. It will also cover my undergrad tuition, fees, and expenses, at may matitira pa for my savings para sa future (for my emergency savings, insurance savings, house loans, car loans, etc. na I plan to have in my early twenties). Then I also have my stipend from my DOST scholarship. Solid ‘di ba?

And then I also have a full scholarship na rin sa med school nila suppose I want to pursue their 6-year med course.

The deadline for the requirements is already way way way way past. But I think I can still pursue it since the confirmation is extended until next week.

Even though I already rejected the idea of accepting it mid-March (because I doubt the quality of education that they offer), my recent car ride with my mom and sis made me think otherwise. Aside from the convenience (for my mom and sis) that the school offers, napaisip din ako sa benefits ng scholarships nila.

As soon as we got home, I sat down by my laptop and started searching the net regarding the reviews of their med school.

There I found the list of tuition fees (per sem) of some of the highest ranked med schools in the country. The fees are no joke. It really takes a kidney to afford their fees. And I am currently being offered an opportunity to waive millions of pesos to enter one of the most expensive med schools in the country. 

I know it sounds like a catch. As in. But thinking about the new paradigm shifts, environments, and education system that I need to be enculturated in fears me. Aside from the stigma that I will receive from that school, I will also continually doubt if I made a right choice. It isn’t really my first, not even second, choice for a school. But right now, I’m feeling very torn. And this is not the sort of torn that anyone that I encounter on the streets would even sympathize to.