Vent Blog

You are making me resent you

Why do I deserve to be treated like a fool for trusting you. You told me to trust you and you lied to my fucking face for YEARS. WHEN HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HONEST WITH ME?! the while time we've been together how long have you NOT been hiding some giant ass thing from me? I don't think you ever have. I'm really starting to second guess my choices. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I have done nothing but love and trust you except WHEN YOU PROVE ME WRONG. and that's MY FAULT??? I don't deserve this. I don't. I know you're lying to me even now. I'm sure you keep a pack in Your locker now at your work and laugh at me with your coworkers how you have me wrapped around your finger. I don't deserve this. I DONT DESERVE THIS.

Maybe I'll never truly be free of this. Maybe the suspicion will never go away. Why are you being so secretive about seemingly innocuous things? Or is this a boundary that I'm just not used to? I don't hide this part of myself from you. Why do you feel differently? I don't want to immediately assume the worst just because you don't want to talk about it, but it's really hard not to. Why can't you just show me? I'm trying so hard to not panic and snoop when I should just respect your privacy. But all I can think about is the past and it feels like it's repeating. I'm still that same girl who you hurt before. Will I ever be enough?