Isosceles Friction

At 8 o'clock we awoken

At 9 o'clock we sat down with coffee 

At 10 o'clock the work flowed

At 11 o'clock we strove for excellence 

At 12 o'clock we admitted failure 

At 12:34 we ate lunch 

At 1 o'clock we tried again 

At 2:46 we grew tired 

At 3:14 we took a nap 

At 4:03 we wondered where the day went 

At 5 o'clock we surrendered 

At 6 o'clock we longed for the sun 

At 7 o'clock we hoped for a better tomorrow 

At 9 o'clock we sought artificial stimulation 

I would not label 2021 a favorite year, but there were some high highs. I would not label it the worst year either, though there were plenty of terrible things that happened. Like most things, it’s a mix of good and bad that taught me many things about myself, the ones I love, and the world around me. 

Struggles to focus, struggles to remain grateful, struggles to be kinder to myself. 

When I try to pinpoint what I’ll remember most about 2021, the first thought that comes is that it was the year I said goodbye to my abuela. It is a loss I’m still processing and the experiences that I had in Mexico are ones I am still sorting through emotionally and physically. 

The next thing I remember is, “Calabaza”, the short film I wrote as part of Film Independent’s Project Involve. A script and film I am very proud of. I am grateful for all the ways the stars aligned to bring the ideal team together to make it a reality and I am grateful for the demons exorcized while writing it. I feel hopeful that the brilliant work StephOh and the team did will have this film connect with more people in the new year.

The COVID-19 pandemic hangs around every memory or event in some detail because it requires a new approach into most everything we do. It’s not over yet either and I’m sure this feature of living will carry on into 2022.

Through it all, I try to remain grateful. For as my partner often says, “There is so much to be grateful for.” She is completely right, even if in the thick of tragedy and mess it’s difficult to remember. I am grateful for her and her reminders.

Maybe above all, what I take away from 2021 is that it really drilled into my head that our time really is limited, but that in this temporary existence, we are blessed with experiences and love the we’re able to share in order to connect with one another. That is something I can feel grateful for. 

Now for the obligatory lists, because lists are fun and easy to digest.

6 New Films I Saw and Still Think About

Licorice Pizza

The Beatles - Get Back

Wild Indian

The Death of Nintendo 

Dune

The Green Knight

5 Old Films I Revisited and Still Love

Batman Returns

The Thing

Madhouse

The Fellowship of the Ring

Spider-Man 2

4 First Time Watches of Films I Loved

Viva Zapata

The Devil’s Backbone

Point Break

Burn Witch Burn

3 New Albums I Enjoyed:

Wolf Alice - Blue Weekend

Nite Jewel - No Sun

Margaritas Podridas - Margaritas Podridas

2 Old Albums I Listened to a Lot

The Beatles - Let It Be

Green Day - Revolution Radio

1 Thing I Wrote That I’m Very Proud Of

Calabaza 

Below is a list of lists of things I read, watched, and listened to that made the year more bearable. 

8 Books I read:

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Blue Nights by Joan Didion

Cassavetes on Cassavetes by Ray Carney

The House of Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion

The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis

Salvador by Joan Didion

The White Album by Joan Didion

5 Comics I read:

Bttm Fdrs by Ezra Claytan Daniels & Ben Passmore

Locke & Key by Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriguez

Nailbiter by Joshua Williamson and Mike Henderson

The Wake by Scott Snyder, Sean Murphy and Matt Hollingsworth

Wytches by Scott Snyder, Jock and Matt Hollingsworth

10 old films I watched for the first time and loved:

The Body Snatcher (1945)

The Fog (1980)

The Haunting (1963)

High and Low (1963)

Ikiru (1952)

The Last Picture Show (1971)

The Player (1992)

The Stranger (1946)

The Seventh Victim (1943)

Throne of Blood (1957)

5 new films that I loved:

Da 5 Bloods

Ya No Estoy Aquí (I’m No Longer Here)

La Llorona

Miss Juneteenth

Sound of Metal

All the films I watched in 2020

8 new albums I enjoyed

Alphabetland - X

Double Bind - Geneva Skeen

Father of All… - Green Day

Money Money 2020 Part II: We Told Ya So! - The Network

The New Abnormal - The Strokes

Shore - Fleet Foxes

Sundowner - Kevin Morby

Un Canto por México - Natalia Lafourcade

4 old albums I listened to the first time and loved:

Cole Español - Nat King Cole

Mad Love - Linda Ronstadt 

Ultraglide in Black - The Dirtbombs

‘Dear Beloved, Are You Listening?’

When people say, “L.A. doesn’t have seasons”, I become immediately annoyed.

Perhaps I’m a bit defensive as someone grew up in a Los Angeles suburb, but as anyone who has lived in Los Angeles for a long period of time can tell you, this city does in fact have seasons. 

Granted, they may be more subtle than the dramatic shifts that occur in other parts of the country, but I assure you January feels different than May, May feels different than August, August feels different than October, and so on. 

What “L.A. doesn’t have seasons,” really means is that L.A. doesn’t have the traditional spring, summer, fall, winter seasons you see play out on television and movies. 

The kind where the flowers bloom at the same time, the temperatures hit their high marks in the properly allocated months, the leaves change colors just in time for Halloween, and that there is snow to grant everyone, Chrsitian or not, a “White Christmas.” 

After living in El Salvador, hearing people say L.A. has no seasons actually annoys me even more than I thought previously possible. If anything, it contextualized that the vast majority of the world does not experience these Hallmark style seasons that L.A. transplants seem so attached to, because I assure you, it does not snow in El Salvador on Christmas. 

By this logic, does India not have seasons? Do the Philippines not have seasons? Do all the nations of Africa not have seasons?

When people say, “L.A. doesn’t have seasons,” what it really does is signal a narrow worldview that passes judgment on the city, and frankly the majority of the planet, for not conforming to some cinematic, Euro-centric vision of the world. 

Illustrated actions of an ill conceived desire to placate you.

Did you ever feel them? It’s unclear if those emotions were even real, that they were ever really felt.

They’ve just been festering, a lingering abstraction of the past that should’ve been. You’ve sat and waited for something greater only passively questioning if you were ever good enough in the first place.

Your attempts lay in vain, a shadow of their proposed potential that always remain unfulfilled.

There were patterns in your words that revealed dark truths about your unconscious.

You were never honest with yourself. How could you be honest with me?

We lie awake and wait for the sunlight of better days to remind us of the lies that propel us forward.

Sunday morning. 

October 28, 2018. 

Blade Runner 2049 // Directed by Denis Villeneuve

Coco // Directed by Lee Unkrich, Co-Directed by Adrian Molina

Get Out // Directed by Jordan Peele 

Good Time // Directed Benny Safdie & Josh Safdie

Lady Bird // Directed by Greta Gerwig

Mudbound // Directed by Dee Rees

Personal Shopper // Directed by Olivier Assayas

Phantom Thread // Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson

The Reagan Show // Directed by Pacho Velez & Sierra Pettengill

Star Wars - The Last Jedi // Directed by Rian Johnson