yuzuki is weird about their mutuals ami edition
okayy uuum i mightbe super bad at this but i will be brave ! yay !
seraphine ... hmmghg ... whats a good starting point for this ,
adult with dissociative identity disorder , chronic heart illness , multiple identity disorders strivingnto become a nurse . by face value it looks like someone striving to fill thr gap in their self with virtue , but thats the interesting part . it isnt .
someone so neglected of love being able to love so deeply and profoundly that they arent able to comprehend it themselves .. an enviromental response paradox !!! even the misunderstandinf and restlessness over the frayed edges of their skull - skintight love isnt just a result of being miseducated , or disabled ,,,, nothing of the sort ! ( though ive got timeline holes here so please dont kill me for being Wrong )
but yet again , interestingly enough ,,,,,, the result of such love is not to the point it alters their identity . i dont mean the peer pressure from loved ones sort of way, just . unconscious influence . its not exactly prevalent , surprisingly ! though they often say that theyre easily swayed and coaxed their original , honest to god personality and beliefs will always be there . - but thats also irony in itself . why ? - they dont exactly have a " standard " or " base " persona . over the quick boredom they harbor over the life of this kind of behaviour and that , they choose to completely erase what was previously themself . they can pretend for a bit with agreeing to disagreeing , but its often thrown out the window when theyre back to their personal space ( which - is a very broad term for them . which ill get to Eventually ) theyre not fit for thr double life at all . so what often stays is through their self preservation - which , isnt a point of mockery which is often thrown at the adjective's bullseye . its to show thr kind of instinct they developed from being shunned and dignity thrown around like a doll for so long .
tying back to their love and erratic dependency on it , its become their prevalent form of self preservation as a person . they need something to hold onto tight when it feels like theyre teetering over the edge of oblivion . its extremely easu for them to leave everything behind when they want to abandon absolutely everything , though . IMEAN . not EASY . its a smooth transition so to say . they seem to have a strong resolve when it comes to finding peace with themselves , whether it be in death , or reaping the hard work theyve sowed for their entire life . Okay Im losing the plot this paragraph was supposed to be about their outlet of obsession forgive my attention span ,
love has always been the first thing they scrape for when they cant help but erratically hate themselves . when thry cant help earths damning logic playing with their mental stability . which is why love and obsession is the metal pole in holding their psychological deterioration up ! love - especially for them , is so incredibly broad and beautiful and appetizing , yet mostly the reason they need help for a normal level of stability . ( not exactly . need help ????? sorry its 1am my brain is coming to a halt at times like these ) back to their physical age - adults like ami live in a world where everything can easily go to shit if you dont function properly in society . im not saying it isnt the same case with children - its just less prevalent amongst younger humans due to the stark difference in expectations of preformance . especially the role and societal community seraphine's education puts them in . people in medical fields often have expectations set for the stars despite some people often getting to this point only through marks and texts and memory ( im not talking about ami in this viewpoint ; their peers' behaviours is a good studying point for this ) . seraphine surely worked hard to get where they are , but the social expectance is never waved as a red flag of warning before they throw you into the tavern of intelligence and communication webs . its a view to consider even if seraphine wasnt particularly shocked by the enviromental change . they are a mentally ill adult that sometimes breaks down in social spaces due to dissociation and pure anxiety . SHIT I LOST THE FUCKING PLOT AGAINAAGH
point is . love has always been their anchor , simultaneously meant to crush them and ground them from more dangerous things above sea .
. and im continuing this later Goodbye
