-̗̀ i've got you brother ̖́-

“Bro you know it!” There wasn’t a food in the world that he did not want to taste. Serve him up some crispy bugs and you bet he’d give them a try or five before judging anything. Sure there were things he knew he didn’t like, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying his best to enjoy it anyway, even if it usually didn’t yield positive results. “But like you gotta promise to hold my hair and rub my back if I get sick.” The joke slipped from his lips just as easy as his regular order at the burger joint down the street from home. Even if it had been ages since he’d seen Isaiah, nothing about their encounter felt unfamiliar or strange. Even if the scenery was strange to him, the hand he held felt familiar as ever as his thumb caressed the skin beneath it, finding it as welcoming as the sheets on the bed he’d left at home. “Anything you wanna recommend?”

orion was smiling at him, bright and blinding and there, and he didn’t even know--- didn’t know that time in isaiah’s flat had been suspended in the air that morning. that the lounge chairs were still floating now. how could gravity cancel out for only one person ? more importantly, how was orion able to bring it all back, just from the pressure of his hand ? isaiah opened his mouth to reply, and found himself surprised when the word ‘ anchor ’ didn’t fall out of it. “ yeah, i’ve got you covered, goldilocks. ” he led them in the direction of the coastline, always, always moving forward. his mind was full of the same old tired ghosts, but he still tried to search it for some valid options. “ the veggie sizzler is good. anything on the menu with falafel in it is wicked, ” his vegan heart probably wasn’t best tailored for orion’s current mission, “ i’ve not, uh, tried any of the bug stuff myself, but my mate anders swears it’s good. there’s also, you know, emu. if you’re into that. ”

❝ I remember when staying up for days on end as a kid was not only the easiest feat to pull off but made you feel like a SUPERHERO afterwards and gave you instant cool kid cred for at least a month but let me tell you —  after I got off Monday morning? I came home and tried to set an alarm with my calculator, cried ‘bout it and immediately passed out. I then slept for fifteen straight hours and yet still feel way too exhausted to go in tonight. It pains me to admit it but childhood is gone. Long, long gone.  ❞

The world spun on its back, turning back the hands of time to land them in the exact same position that they held now, but with eyes level to one another, with eyes streaming through with tears that couldn’t have been held back with the strongest of wills, with lips too young to have been so used to the frowns that they held so tight. His hands had been more banged up back then, clumsy with his balance and routinely flashing out to hold him up from falling onto hot asphalt when his skateboard skidded from beneath his feet. Those same hands, though so awkward with every other action he’d forced them through, were delicate against his best friend’s lower back, his grip only tightening as the gravity of the situation had begun to dawn on him. It was the last time he’d see Isaiah in the flesh for a long time, though in that moment, the word that echoed in his mind was forever. 

God. The image of the face in front of him, flipped back years in the past, would never leave his mind. Personally, though, Heely preferred the smile that he was gazing at with a heart full of glowing happiness to the face crumpling with the realisation of departure that had exactly matched his own.

It had been too fucking long.

The hands mentioned before now press in the exact spot that they had before having to let him go for years on end, though this time, he let their grip tighten. It would take Hell on earth for him to loosen that grip, and even then, it would only be enough not to swelter the other with the growing flames. 

“I like to wear a mask of one of your old selfies. I’m pretty convinced its the only reason we’re selling,” came the grinning reply, punctuating this with a wink and a gentle brush of his forehead against his childhood friend’s. Christ. Did it make sense that this felt so right, yet yanked on his heartstrings badly enough to peel the ragged bandages clear off? Any more of this, and he might just unravel.

..

“Have you always been this fuckin’ short?”

there were some growing pains that isaiah had never been able to grow out of. beautiful was the party of the year, and he was less ashamed than he thought he would be to admit that he’d never been invited. he was all difficult cheekbones and long arms and hips that didn’t align with the rest of him, soft like paperbacks or split ends. he ducked his gaze at heely’s remark, not that there was anywhere for it go. heely was everywhere; tangled in his fingers, under his skin, snared of his heartlines. he was right in front of him, foreheads pressed together and that--- there wasn’t a word for that.

no, that wasn’t right.

there was this: brother.

purple shadows hung in the space below heely’s eyes, like fading bruises or a result from a sleepless flight. isaiah couldn’t tell. it was probably both. he leaned into him and wondered if heely could feel a similar exhaustion in every inch of him, feel the throb of his headache and in his pulse. he reached out, just dared to touch the crown of heely’s hair, followed by the curve of his neck. it was a ghost of a touch, soft as his earliest memories of him. 

“ piss off, ” isaiah was grinning hard enough to stretch his mouth, and he couldn’t turn it off if he wanted to. he pulled back to reevaluate their situation, and heely must have brought new york cities skyscrapers here with him, in his bones. he was so goddamn tall. 

What a beautiful way of viewing things, poetic almost. And was it not alike to the reasons Alexander had begun writing in the first place too? Planning the work and sitting down to write it out may not always be the most enjoyable part, but seeing or hearing the reactions of those who read the finished product was what had brought him back to his craft time and again. Despite all this, he’d found himself at a loss for reason to keep going. His will to push through with his work had vanished to a point where, and he hated to admit it, he barely even read the works of others any more. Maybe he needed a cause to help him get his life back on track. Perhaps a chance encounter with a beautiful stranger was exactly the type of thing that would open his eyes and bring back their spark. Maybe he would go home and start a blog dedicated to the preservation and restoration of the world’s natural climates. “I think that’s very admirable, really.” He finally responded after what seemed like an eternity lost in his own thoughts. “And I think it’s a feeling that many people can relate to. Maybe the reason so many are skeptical of the projects is because they fail to see the results of their own signatures. It can be hard to put into perspective just how much of a change one tiny scribble can make.” The same way it was tough for some people to view fast-food service as ‘real work’ since all they ever see is the finished product wrapped in paper.

not even surprised by his answer, brielle mentally decided that italian would suffice. she figured giving him options was fair since he was probably just as hungry as she was. as soon as isaiah returned, she pulled down her shades of her eyes and smiled small at him, nodding in response. “yep ! let’s do this.” and with that, she hooked her arms into his before pulling him in the direction towards the restaurant. “what are you guys doing tomorrow ?” she asked, always wanting to keep tabs on him. she also enjoyed being informed about his causes and events and what-not. it was something brielle had always been intrigued by when it came to isaiah and in the end, she was all about people who were passionate about what they love and he fit right in that category.

like a ship pulled east, isaiah fell into step with brielle, easily pliable under her direction. she looked stunning under bondi’s sun with the passing backdrop, and isaiah couldn’t tell if she was posing deliberately or if it was just an ingrained habit to be camera-ready at any given minute. he supposed it didn’t matter. the effect was remarkable, and not the least bit lost on the people they passed by. “ we’re cleaning up the beaches tomorrow, ” he could already anticipate how that would end, “ gonna’ start at the dock and make our way up to coogee. tatiana said she’ll bring snacks. --- --- what about you ? you got another hot episode of dance mums to film ? ”

even with exhaustion written all over him, isaiah still managed to pull an honest smile on his face and it was something tatiana never understood. for her to even smile once a day was hard and it nearly seemed impossible when she was exhausted. pulling out her phone, she couldn’t help but laugh a little at him. “okay, so just some raisins and one banana ?” she repeated, typing it into her phone before glancing up at him. “avocados, cherries, any sort of chips, even wraps,” she replied before asking him, “do any of those interest you ?”

most people, isaiah thought, didn’t see tatiana the way she deserved to be seen. they saw a sharp tongue and disinterested exterior; they saw her reluctance to get close; what they saw were her defences. they didn’t see the way the afternoon light hit the dip of her collarbone. the way her mouth softened when she spoke about the people she lived with. how she made a physical note of raisins and a banana, of all things, just because isaiah had asked. “ can’t say no to a good avocado, can i ? ” they were infamous, with her. “ ‘ever think you missed your true calling as a boujee head chief ? ”

“Everything?!” Wide eyed like a child on Christmas morning, the thoughts in Orion’s head began racing. Did that mean he could fill his craving for burgers and try some nasty local shit all in the same go? Mind officially blown away. What’s that in the sky? A new star? No, it’s just the light of Orion’s head imploding on itself as he struggles to accept the concept presented to him as a thing that is, well, actually real. “Bro. My dude. You and I are having us a hot date with all the fucking food right now. Fill my tank up, you beautiful idiot!” Oblivious to the struggles of the other as his mind was on a one-way road to fast food city, he locked his fingers in between that of Isaiah’s, grinning wide with excitement.

isaiah was trying to put a pin in this. when his mind began to do this slipping thing, where one side of his brain was desperately trying to tell him he was more than a temporary fixture--- and the other side didn’t want to hear it, and the first side wasn’t entirely confident in the original claim to fight back. he was trying to say this grief was finished, that it was something he was on the other side of. only, he wasn’t. he’d never found a way to step outside of it. there was no pin. “ yeah, everythi--- ” very suddenly, orion’s hand was in his. isaiah blinked. he could feel the warmth of it in a way he couldn’t feel the sun on his back. “ -- ... alright, man. yeah. this way. you gonna’ get the grossest thing on the menu or what ? ”

it was so hard to keep a wall built up all the time. sometimes, tatiana actually felt bad, depending on who it was. when it came to isaiah, she couldn’t even be half as… mean as she normally was. maybe it was because he was annoyingly kind to her all. the. damn. time. “oh, so I can still get my beauty sleep ?” she half-joked, laughing a little under her breath. and there she was again with a smile on her face, but she quickly brushed it off by rolling her eyes playfully. “iz, you’re being gross again,” she sighed before nodding in agreement. “okay, yeah, I know, but we can make up for loss time, yeah ?” she offered, smiling short for a brief second. “and I’ll bring snacks for tomorrow. what do you want me to bring ?”

it wore isaiah down to the bone, how much there was still left to do. he needed to submit a research proposal by midnight. he needed to fit a whole night’s sleep into one moment. he needed to tell tatiana how overwhelming grateful he was for her. people could talk themselves furious or talk themselves empty about how much work there was still left to do, but with tatiana next to him, the tasks always felt more manageable. even if it was only marginally so. “ yeah. yeah, we can. ” he smiled, and felt the truth of it in his chest. “ just bring your beautiful self and, i dunno’, maybe some raisins. a banana. what kind of snacks do you normally go for ? ”

smiling instantly at his response, she nodded. “that’s my boy !” literally, she thought to herself. how blessed she had been to have run into him on one of her first days here at bondi. he was one of her day ones and it made her heart happy every time. “you up for italian ? we can go to bondi trattoria. or we can do mediterranean at sefa kitchen. you pick,” she offered. brielle’s smile stayed plastered on her face, nodding in response to his question. “yes, I’d love to.” playfully, she nudged his side before saying, “now go put your stuff away so we can get going, izzy ! I’ll wait for you here.”

isaiah didn’t know which menu would be cheapest or, as an equal factor, which would make brielle happiest. his face didn’t betray his thoughts; he just tugged at the knots on his leather bracelets in an uncomfortable sort of way. “ you know i’m shit at making decisions, ” he deflected, getting up from the bench and stretching his arms into the swallowing blue of the sky. “ i’ll eat anything, bri. whatever you want. ” a campaign to save bondi’s wildlife took a little less than five minutes to pack away, with the help and a heartfelt clap on the back from isaiah’s team. “ same time tomorrow ! ” he called to them, returning to brielle’s space, a rucksack now slung over his shoulders where they stuck out at an awkward, pointy angles. “ we good ? ”

nodding in reply to her friend, she explained, “yeah. recently there’s been a lot of kids running around and screaming, but today was just… calmer.” not surprised at isaiah’s invite, she smiled small and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. it wasn’t like tatiana ever had any solid plans, unless it was lancy dragging her out somewhere, and being that she had the next day off, she didn’t see a reason to say no to him. “I am. I’ll totally join you. what time ?” she asked. “do I need to bring anything ?”

one day, isaiah thought as he watched the edges of tatiana’s mouth curve into a contained smile, one day, they’d be alive and everything could stay that way: calmer. the soft, placid way she spoke could last outside of small intervals. everything wouldn’t have to be this sharp. one day, she --- they, everything --- could just be. “ i’ll be there from nine, ” he said, likely still standing too close, “ but, y’know, you don’t have to join us that early. all the equipment’ll be provided. it’d be, um, really good to spend the afternoon with you. we’ve not done that in a while. ”

turning back to look over at isaiah, brielle just watched as he spoke and raised an eyebrow at him. “that’s kind of an awful way to end a good day,” she replied. glancing down at her phone, she realized it was a couple of minutes after six, noting that his shift had just ended. “aren’t you done for the day now ?” she asked, looking back at him. shrugging casually, she crossed her arms along her chest. “I was just going to grab a quick bite somewhere. you’re welcome to join me. in fact, I’m inviting you. come ?” she offered.

he didn’t remember the last time he ate. the thought hit isaiah a beat too late, like a wave that hadn’t been pulled by the moon quite right, disorientating, but not enough to put him off kilter. he tried to return brielle’s casual glance, afraid she’d catch the way his hands went still, how worry straightened his spine. “ you have anywhere fancy in mind ? ” he asked, another way of saying yes. yes, please. “ do you maybe, uh, want to come back to the flat afterwards ? i’ve not--- nothing about it’s changed, obviously, it’s just. if you wanted to. ”

when in doubt, or well, when extremely messy, isaiah was there for brielle. it was definitely not something she took for granted, often supporting him and his causes as he supported her with her mess. it was refreshing for someone to believe in her even when she was clearly off or just dreaming about her future, so she figured why not believe in him ? smiling at his comment, she responded, “that’s all vilhelm parfumerie, izzy. not me,” referring to the brand of perfume she wore often. shrugging casually, she looked around. “it’s going. I worked with the kids on their routine earlier and it went good. yours ?”

the arch of brielle’s back and tilt of her chin stood out like architecture. she was beautiful, undeniably, with grace and a quiet, burning confidence. vihelm parfumerie fell off her tongue like her mouth was made to shape the word, and it was another reminder of many that she and isaiah were worlds apart. “ yeah, yeah, it’s been --- ” tiring, long, disheartening, at points. “ --- good, really good. sort of shattered from it now, though. ”

open to all !

「  • ˋ ˣ ┈ ♡. anders couldn’t help himself really. the coffee shop down the street had started serving spiderman cups in honor of the upcoming spiderman movie. a distraught dc comics lover like anders couldn’t possibly be happy about this. he’d rant to anyone and everyone about how he was drinking out of a red cup with white webs displayed all over it.   ‘ i mean, what’s so special about this movie compared to all the other marvel come to life movies ? at least dc has created television shows that can live on for multiple seasons whereas when the avengers is played out it’s done for. i’m just sayin’. they should have had a cup to celebrate the third season of the flash, or maybe the beginning of supergirl. i’ll petition it, i’m not even scared. ‘

“Oh fucksake.” Alaska exhaled annoyance, her fingertips brushing over the new sunburn she’d been greeted with as she woke up on the sand and made her way up to the promenade with her skateboard in one hand, and her clothes in the other. “Guess my lousy English skin can’t keep up with this sun, eh?” She spoke, almost to nobody until she saw someone beside her.

where there were burns, there were also freckles, dotted all over alaska like a new constellation. “ aloe vera, ” isaiah said, an auto pilot response at this point, “ it soothes burns. i’ve got a few plants kickin’ round in the flat, i’ll get heely to bring one out to you guys. for now, ” and he didn’t say this without sympathy, “ all i can suggest is either buying some over-priced lotion or going for a dip in the water. sorry, mate. ”

How fresh the smell of salty seas. Almost overwhelming to a city boy like himself, but he was ready to take on the challenge and conquer the local beaches with pale skin and bony hips that barely held up his shorts. Thank God for elastic waistbands. “Yo, where’s a brother gotta go to get some junk food around here? I got some cravings and they aint gonna go away by themselves!” He could feel his stomach screaming, clawing at his insides and ready to snarl at the passing strangers if he didn’t get a greasy burger in his mouth pronto.

the weather had isaiah feeling sticky; sweat and nerves all coiled into one. he’d woken up to the strange, but awful familiar feeling that this body wasn’t his today. he had a body like an accident. body like an overstayed welcome. he hadn’t been able to loosen the feeling all morning, still flexing his fingers now, trying to find a pulse that felt like his own. “ there’s food trucks down by the beach, ” his voice, at least, still sounded the same. tourism wasn’t his specialty, but he’d make an exception here, for orion. “ you can get these, uh, mini food crates; lets you sample a bit of everythin’. or, there’s a few local places towards the city, if you wanted something --- i dunno’ --- more authentic. ”

tatiana fought back the urge to roll her eyes at the nickname, considering at least when he said it, it had a decent meaning behind it. normally, the pet names ticked her off because it was almost always used in a mocking matter. raising her eyebrow at him the minute he pulled back, she still stood there with her arms crossed. “you’re grossing me out, iz,” she half-joked before shrugging. “I was just coming back from the beach. you missed out. it was actually peaceful out there today.”

“ oh yeah ? ” isaiah asked, wistfully, not doubting it for a second. so much of his heart was out there in the sea, he thought he’d sunk it, that it was shipwrecked there in a way he didn’t mind. “ i’m gonna’ be down there tomorrow, ” he said, looking forward to this part, “ i’ll be, uh, cleaning it up, but you should still come down. if you’re free. ”

God. God. God. 

At this point, Heely couldn’t tell if he was calling out for the bastard or if he was staring straight at him. The grin on his face was too real, the happiness in his heart was too real, the relaxing feeling that washed over him, the relief that pulled from his lips, the laugh, the hug, the kiss returned in full–

It was all so real.

How long had it been, truly and completely, that he’d felt this happy to be in the presence outside of the band? Too long, too long, and God, if he couldn’t get enough of the friend who’d left him behind only to welcome him back with open arms.

Heely never did resent Isaiah for having to leave him back home, only ever feeling jealous over the toy that was packed in his bag, the notes that got to touch him, the lamp at his bedside, all things that got to be with him while Heely could only dream of seeing him again.

Did this mean that dreams really did come true?

“Are you complaining?” He laughed, his arms moving to wrap around his friend’s smaller frame, gently rubbing at his shoulder blades as hazel eyes flick over the changes in that face. So foreign, and yet still so familiar. “I can always hide out in a bathroom stall for a few hours and you can come by in the AM.”

“ would you ? ” it was impossible, how easily isaiah slipped back into this, into the teasing, this feeling, his old heart. heely breathed out, and it was a miracle. the other day they had talked about memory whilst drinking coffee over a video call, about phantom feeling, how things can come back to you--- and isaiah hadn’t been able to focus on the thought then, only noticed how even through the dim pixels on his screen, heely’s eyes were all honey in the morning light.

so much of memory was pain. isaiah knew without having to raise the subject that he could never match heely’s level of affection for the place they’d grown up together. birmingham was painful fragments of his childhood, the reason he still flinched at stop signs, and he was always going to want it to fade into something less than a memory. but isaiah couldn’t help but think that maybe if things had been different, he could have loved that place, too. 

that, maybe, he could have loved heely differently. 

it’s a thought he couldn’t shake, not all the way.