mia

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*Clara is Ellie’s younger sister, who’d dealt with mental issues since her late teens. Clara had been obsessing over her late boyfriend who’d been dead since she was 17. She claimed she could still feel him, touch him, kiss and hug. See him. She refused to believe he died. Ellie had listened in on her before. She’d have conversations with the air beside her on the couch. She’d hear things like:

C: “Honey, do you want some tea?”

“……”

C: “What kind do you want?”

“……”

C: “Cinnamon? Absolutely, darling… I’ll get it for you. Just one moment..”

“……”

. . .

Teddy hated cinnamon.

*Ellie shakes her head, unable to believe this. Clara had been placed in the hospital for severe delusions and self harm along with it. And then she was released just like that. Like always. And Ellie has had enough. She grabs her sleeping sister roughly, muffling any protests and yelling with one hand and throws her to the ground. Carefully, she kneels on her stomach as to not get hit by her, and grabs both of her hands, and ties them together. She stands up and pulls Clara up as well and shoves her into a chair by the kitchen island. Ellie’s voice starts out calm:*

E:“You are just SO obsessed with him aren’t you? You put every thought through a filter. You tell yourself he’s still alive. You lie. You make every decision based off of his prior existence. You cry every tear for him. You cut every cut because you love him so much you can’t take it. Move on.”

E: “Every drop of blood is an unrequited act of love that he’ll never find out about. Every rush of adrenaline makes you go just the tiniest bit more insane. Until there’s no more sanity. It’s not love. It’s pure, unbridled possessiveness. He may have told you he loved you, but… I don’t think so. ARE YOU LISTENING?!”

*Clara interjects, hands clenched in fists, tied together by a rope. She tries pulling her hands out of the rope. But Ellie knows how to tie a good knot.*

C: “GET THIS ROPE OFF ME! Y-"

*Ellie shuts her up by slamming her fist on the counter, causing the kitchen to shake a little. Clara continues, quieter.*

C: “He loved me.. he still does. He tells me so everyday. So don’t tell me he didn’t. I love him too.”

*Ellie chuckles. She shakes her head in disbelief once again, She laughs louder, and paces the small kitchen, German roaches crawling all over the food. Clara hasn’t cleaned in years. She claims the bugs are her friends.*

E: “It is not love. It’s- dangerous obsession. You’ve lost your mind. Your mind was a labyrinth and you’ve gotten lost one to many times and suddenly your brain isn’t yours. It belongs to nobody now.”

E: “And your cutting… smoking, drugs? Maybe it gets you high. Maybe the adrenaline is the one feeling that pushes through those walls you put up so long ago when he DIED. The drugs built a window to your life, personlity. Except it isn’t a personality. Not even a life. It’s a mindfuck. You lay on your bed fantasizing about all the things he’d do to you, the way he’d kiss you, touch you. You claim to still feel it. And get pleasure. But, Clara… he’s been dead a long time. LET. HIM. REST! HES DEAD! DEAD. DEAD. DEAD! GONE! DO YOU GET IT?!” *Ellie’s voice reaches a volume even she was surprised by. She’s shouting, her voice echoing off the cluttered kitchen. Her sister remains emotionless. Ellie takes a step closer, slamming her hand down on the table in front of her again. Clara tenses just a bit from the sound. But she doesn’t look up. She stays seated at the kitchen island with her arms tied in front of her, covered in cuts. Old and new. A trail of dark, dried blood still lingering on her skin.*

E: “Take your fucking medication. Or have you lost that too as well as your SELF RESPECT?! Look at this house! You have no water, no power, your toilet is disgusting, you’ve got cigarette smoke stains and burns everywhere- roaches!"

*Ellie brushes off a bug on her armthat had gotten too bold.*

E:“Your craziness doesn’t just affect you. It affects us too.. mom, our little brother, Cody… he’s only 10 and he’s seen you go crazy. Don’t you know how traumatized he is? He’s scared of you! You are a mess beyond help. Is that not scary to think about? Do you even think anymore, Clara?! Anyway… I don’t know who you think you’re dating, but he’s been dead for almost decade now. Get it together.”

*Ellie chokes back a sob. She’d known this person her whole life. She’d been there for her. Now they were adults, and Clara still couldn’t take care of herself. Clearly.*

E: “You tried taking your own life when you were- only 14.. remember? I do. I remember walking in on you-!“

*Ellie takes a deep breath, pacing around the small kitchen now. She looks at Clara. Dead in the eyes.*

E: “-With you hands tied behind your back and that chair under your feet. All I remember after that was your body in the hospital bed. Why am I even still talking? You aren’t even listening. ARE YOU?!”

*Ellie walks to Clara’s side, and even then she doesn’t even get a response. Without thinking, Ellie grabs Clara by the shoulders and shakes her. Clara looks up slowly. Meeting Ellie’s teary eyes, her fists flex beneath the rope. Ellie doesn’t untie them. Not yet. Not until she can make sure Clara won’t do anything stupid again.*

E: “LISTEN TO ME! OR I’LL HURT YOU!”

*Her voice shakes. Clara has almost no thought behind those green eyes. The ones Ellie was always jealous of up until they started looking crazy. A jolt of uncertainty, maybe.. fear…flashes through Ellie. This wasn’t her sister. Her sister was always lively, alive. Up until.. him. He ruined her with his death. Why did he have to kill himself knowing she’d go insane without him…? That she’d never actually see the light of day. Go days without proper sleep, food. He was her world. A small world. He was there for her when she was sick, when she didn’t leave her bed for months because she was scared of ever leaving her room. He brought her food, helped her up to the bathroom. She controlled him. When she was terrified of being alone, he stayed. This was just.. a person. Dead even. Seems that way. Ellie’s chest tightened, and she heard her heartbeat in her ears. Was this real? Of course it is. This isn’t the first time this had happened.*

Clara’s eyes got wide. Ellie scoffed. Clara stopped struggling against the restraints, and briefly whipped her head back to get her hair out of her face, before returning to her stoic position. Taking a deep breath, Ellie calms herself. She takes a seat beside Clara, trying not to smell her. Clara smelt like sweat, cigarette smoke, old food stains… Nothing Ellie wasn’t used to. She’d stopped taking care of herself since she was 18 and illegally moved into this abandoned apartment so she could avoid bills.*

E: "All quiet now, huh.. well, I have nothing more to say to you… that I already haven’t said.”

*Ellie turns around, or begins to, but stops. She walks over to the knife block. She pulls out the knives. One by one. And shoves them in her purse. She walks over to Clara. She roughly pulls her by her shoulder to stand up. She almost unties her wrists. But she steps back. A rush of adrenaline forces her to do this.. SLAP. Ellie’s hand moves faster than she realizes. A red mark on Clara’s cheek almost immediately appeared. Clara jolted slightly, but wasn’t surprised. Ellie shakes her head.*

E: “That’s what you get for living this way, and ON PURPOSE TOO. You are a grown adult… 5 more years and you will be 30. Your brain has FULLY developed at this point.. and… GOD! I wish I could force you into a home or something! Are you wasting my money on your hospital bills and medication on purpose?! YOU DONT EVEN TAKE YOUR MEDICATION!”

*To prove her point, Ellie angrily grabs 1 out of 5 full pill bottles on the disgusting countertop, all marked expired. They expired years ago. She slammed the one in her hand down on the counter, and the lid popped off, filled to the brim. There were stray pills on the floor, crushed into the carpet, in the cabinets with bugs crawling all over them. Too contaminated to take now.*

E: “Don’t you hate yourself…?”

*Ellie forced a sad smile on her face, and swallowed her tears back, wiping her eyes, and she just stared at her sister. Her ginger hair hadn’t been brushed in god knows how long. Wounds haven’t been cleaned, skin hadn’t been washed. When was the last time she even slept? Or brushed her teeth.. washed her clothes? She must be really depressed.*

E: “I know… Uhm… I shouldn’t yell at you.. I’m- but this has been going on for too long… you’re- where are you hiding your blades? I’m gonna take them…”

*Clara took a deep breath. She gestured to her tied hands. She gave her sister a look, silently telling her to untie her.*

C: “Untie me and I’ll tell you..Ellissa.”

*Ellie solemnly shook her head.*

E: “Why don’t you just tell me? I dont trust you. I don’t know what kind of..headspace you’re in…”

*Clara* gets a cocky smirk on her lips, the kind of look that comes before she says something snarky to piss Ellie off. That’s just the kind of person she is.*

C: “Whatever.. don’t cut with it though, you’ll get aids, bitch. Or some kinda disease..”

*Ellie gave her an annoyed look, furrowing her eyebrows.*

E: “I don’t cut, and- I don’t think that’s how you get aid- No, I’m not entertaining this. Tell me where they are, please..”

*Clara laughs, loud enough to startle Ellie.*