destiel is canon in my heart

so a master list of master lists? I guess :)

★ my destiel fics

(a poem about a guy that fucked me up, who i didn't even date)

he wrote a reply, blunt and lifeless, he spoke of us as if we are dead greek myth. naturally, that is what would become– as dead as eurydice after orpheus turned his head but in my case, it wasn’t out of love.

in the myth, orpheus turned his head to look behind because he loved eurydice with his entire heart, not because he didn’t trust her. he trusted her, her loved her and that is why he turned his head. the ‘he’ in this story, however– he turned his head, he turned his entire being towards me like the locusts emerging out of nowhere. he was an allconsuming, black cloud that pulled me back into the underworld.

in both these stories, the walk out of the underworld was a trick, one that was meant to be failed. it would have gone on until the end of time or until orpheus eventually looked behind him. the lovers had no idea of this.

neither did i, but in my story, the trick was only on me. he knew the trick, he was the one who put the plan into place, consciously or not. it happened, he happened and i simply have to live (or not live) with the consequence of him.

i miss the butterflies and i miss the looking at the moon from our fourth floor balcony. i miss thinking about romeo and juliet every time i stood there, with my arms outstretched.

he was not my romeo or my orpheus, he couldn’t be, he would have never said–

“ –but soft, what light through yonder window breaks? it is the east, and juliet is the sun. arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief. that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she. be not her maid since she is envious. her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. cast it off. it is my lady. o, it is my love! o, that she knew she were– ”

–and on, and on and on.

he could never, he could never even fathom words such as these. he could not string together sentences, the way i thought he had strung together the stars.

i am no lady and i am no man, if it is the east, and i am the sun– i will crawl on my hands and knees, out of the underworld on my own.

i have no need for an orpheus or a romeo, i will arise and block out the darkness, his darkness, and i will befriend the moon because she is not my enemy.

i will dig into the earth and bury all of him that is left of him in my mind.