↪ ᵀᴴᴱ 𝑀𝐼𝐶𝐾 , ꮲꭲ 2 . ( a series of sentence starters from season 1 of fox's sitcom , “ the mick ” adjust phrasing as necessary . )
damn , [ name ] , how many cars can one person crash ?
i can't help it — when i'm behind the wheel , i'm a slave to the power of the machine .
other people worked very hard to buy those cars , and now they're mine .
why you gotta put me in a cage ?
shut up , you don't know what you're talking about .
i am NOT joking , i don't wanna do this .
guys , we don't snitch . that's it , end of story .
will you listen to yourself ?? "jUsT tElL tHe tRuTh"
[ name ] , you snitch you die !
pretty sure that was already there when i walked up .
everyone's gonna call me a traitor , like you .
don't worry about it , it was worth it .
what are you doing tomorrow night ?
just say the words , and it can be yours .
oh , it's like that , huh ? fine .
what was that ? i can't hear you ... you can't breathe ?
you better figure something out , 'cause if you don't — i'll have to go public with this .
that's called extortion , stupid !
those guys are just covering their own asses , they don't even like you .
as easily as i can save you in this world , i can destroy you .
if anybody messes with you , let us know - okay ?
with a dong like that , you'd think he'd be happier .
do i look like i'm playing , [ last name ] ?
oh , your breath reeks of booze .
i was up all night watching prep school movies in preparation .
there are some real evil illuminati-type vibes in here , right ?
there was a time i could see , and i have seen .
oh , i'm just getting warmed up .
we are but food for worms , gentlemen .
whose burrito did i just step in ?
get out of here , the tv's mine .
what did you do to my shirt ??
how would you feel if i ran around stealing your clothes ?
we had to kill him cause he wasn't a team player .
no more special treatment for you .
i grew up in squalor , i am perfectly comfortable in it .
[ name ] , don't you dare !
didn't know you were gonna be so weird about it .
if you decide that you don't want me around , just tell me and i will go .
you're not the only game in town , buddy , okay ?
you don't know who i hang out with .
jealousy is the reason people hate us .
you don't have to worry about labels , just like who you like .
i hope this is some sort of emergency .
you kept me waiting , so i'm gonna get right to it .
don't make this your thing , this is [ name's ] thing .
suing is how rich white people solve their problems .
i wanted to sing and show you there's nothing to be afraid of .
i'm so nervous for you ... i want to throw up and run away .
you could have me escorted out , but you have no security .
ooh , dark scary room ! you know what they call that in prison ? they call that a blind spot . great place to catch a shiv .
what kind of operation are you running here ?
you didn't do anything wrong . i was the problem , not you .
where i'm from , the guest gets the good seat .
i drink , smoke , lie , steal ... i'm drunk right now .
i will ruin him . please don't let me do that .
i'm not the one doing whatever you guys are doing ... what are you doing ?
i'm not judging , at least he's a hot mess .
it's the wolf's job to eat the sheep , so y'know ... this was bound to happen .
i will RUIN you when we get home .
i'll give it back to you in a minute , you're gonna get it back .
the suit you destroyed cost a grand !
come on , [ name ] . i'll help you get settled .
he can't know it was my idea .
she made her mean bed and she can sleep in those scratchy sheets .
woah , tough day at the office ?
what the hell did you just say to me ?
you are right ... no matter what you say about anything .
we do this all the time , but usually there's some art to it .
this is not nearly as fun as i thought it was gonna be .
you're letting a bunch of nerds pick on you with their computers ?
why don't you just systematically destroy her ?
i can see where this is headed , so i'm just gonna hit the road .
she ripped me open , stuffed me full of devastation and then sewed me back up again .
leave me alone , this is all your fault .
why are they yelling ? are they angry cause they're bad musicians ?
i will never understand your generation .
let me have it . how bad is it ?
do you have any idea what i saw in there ?
you should come and check out what's going on outside , cause i think you'll be pleasantly surprised .
i just want us to be friends again .
it would be such a silly waste of time for someone like me to be mad at someone as insignificant as you .
the truth is , i pity you .
when the universe gives you a sign , it's not up to you to ignore it .
[ name ] gave it to me . it means i'm in charge .
i'm not comfortable with the whole arrangement . where's [ name ] ?
this is outrageous ! i'm getting passed over again ?
i don't have a problem , i'm just blowing off some steam .
you wanna get in on this ?
you deserve to take a time out as much as anybody else .
sorry , i didn't realize you were the fun police .
having money has reaaally changed you .
i've lost control ?! oh no , you dumb , dumb idiot . YOU'VE lost control .
that's a gross overreaction .
i will show myself the door in a ... graceful and classy manner .
thanks for sticking around .
look , i realize i did some questionable things in there .
i just felt like the universe was giving me a sign .
i'm the only one worthy of its power !
keep it in your pants and follow my lead .
it's no offense , i just don't know you very well .
let's go over this one more time , just so we're clear .
we've already been over the terms .
i like the element of surprise .
wasn't expecting that . are you okay ?
i saw a burglar , i didn't know what to do ... so i SMOKED his ass !
you SHOT me ! what the hell's the matter with you ?
that gunpowder's like a hundred years old , it probably just broke the skin .
what about the police ? they're expecting a gunshot victim .
guys , we've gotta move this along , okay ?
you got it , i'll get you a pillow .
you're lucky no one was killed .
here's the thing about the bordeaux ... i drank it .
i'm so sorry that you had to keep our mansion warm .
how do you think the police found them ?
if you're done criticizing me , i think i'll head on up to bed .
you want me to do the jobs no one else wants ?
can we pick this up tomorrow ? i was shot , so ... i'm very tired .
it has nothing to do with that . okay ? now please leave .
i wanted to thank you for having my back earlier .
that had nothing to do with you . i was just trying to hurt them .
it's chloroform . i found a recipe online .
[ name ] , don't come at me with that .
i was gonna do whatever it takes . i'm not a quitter.
i wanna tell you , i really do . but first there's something i need .
oh my god , you're bailing again .
innocent people don't sneak in and out of their own home .
'cause i don't like you , that's why .
i'd rather get mowed down in a hellfire of bullets than listen to you screech .
you don't have to lie . i heard you guys .
how was i supposed to know you were gonna hug me ? i didn't even know you knew how to hug .