irie 🌺

I stayed at home for a couple of days, skipping my shift at the shelter too. I just wanted to rest as much as I could before having to face all the embarrassing comments on what happened, as if it were somehow my fault. I still don’t understand who truly threw that ball at my face and why the whole team was so eager to help me after being with them only for a week.

When I went back to Tokyo Geidai on Monday, I felt better about everything. That morning, I woke up with all the negative thoughts that had piled up in the previous days, caused by the constant overthinking about the whole Maki situation, when I realized everything I was doing wasn’t going to get me any results. Then I remember what Sota told me as I was helping him out during practice: ‘Yolo anyway’; and somehow the sky became less cold-toned, the sun wasn’t shining in a blinding way anymore, and the suffocating air I felt stepping out of my house was substituted by a delicate breeze. I filled my lungs with fresh air. I wasn’t happy, but neither sad, I was just breathing fully, feeling light and grounded by the gentle weather of the day. I tried giving the day a chance, without blasting my ‘Cold winter breakup songs’ playlist. Beabadoobe, thank you for saving my morning today.

Since the weather stayed nice throughout the whole morning, Sota, Maya, and I decided to have our lunches outside, under one of the trees in the garden behind the building.

“Taki warned me that he wasn’t coming today, he had a cooking contest with one of his group mates,” Maya answered when Sota asked her why our friend wasn’t with us.

“Girls, his birthday is next week” Sota chewed his eggs between words, “we seriously have to start preparing something.” We all started thinking about it and brainstorming ideas.

“I think my brother would be willing to leave us a room in his studio if we don’t do anything too big, chaotic, or destructive,” I suggested, rubbing my eyes as the sun was, once again, too bright. “Maya, can we switch places? I forgot my sunglasses, and this sun is absolutely blinding me.”

She just nodded and started moving her things. Both Sota and her waved at someone behind me, but I was too busy moving and didn’t notice it.

When I sat down after blinking multiple times to clear my eyes, I finally looked up and saw right in front of me, but with a few meters between us, Yuma and Harua, setting down their picnic blanket: an atrociously cute pastel purple piece of cloth covered in vibrant orange strawberries. Why were strawberries orange? I strained my eyes to be sure I was seeing it right, and when nothing changed, I came to the conclusion that those were surely orange strawberries.

My friends kept talking about Taki’s birthday when I remembered the next point on my list: ‘get to know his friends’. I mean, technically, I knew some of his mates on the basketball team, but they didn’t seem to be closer to him than they were with me, so I figured they weren’t really close friends. However, I often saw him with Harua and Yuma, and why shouldn’t I try with them? They already kind of know me because of previous encounters, so it wouldn’t be too weird if I tried to be friends with them.

They were talking to each other, probably waiting for someone as they took out all of their food, but still hadn’t taken a bite of anything. I tried to make eye contact with them, just to make them notice me so I could wave as a greeting, but they were both giving me their side profiles. It would’ve been useful if I had my sketchbook, as they had beautiful features, but I didn’t, and I had to catch their attention. I wasn’t sure about how to actually approach them, but I hoped they remembered me, even a little. Then Maki arrived. His head low, gaze fixed on his phone, he walked up to his friends, slouching and let himself fall on his tummy, right on the picnic blanket. Yuma gave him a pretty loud slap on the ass. From afar, I saw him scowling, probably whining to Harua and Yuma, who were trying to make him sit down without occupying half of the blanket. He sat down and started looking for his food. I kept my eyes focused on him, and I felt a small smile creeping on my face as he started inhaling his food, feeling the same cuteness aggression I feel towards Reo whenever he eats. But actually, it also felt different. His broad figure, unusually small because of the distance, was framed between Sota and Maya.

Then, something flashed before my eyes: make eye contact, the other half of the tip. I saw it exactly how I wrote it in my diary as the daily entry: messy and half in blue and half red because I ran out of blue ink. And I really tried to follow the advice, but simply couldn’t. He lifted his head for the first time since arriving in the garden, and we looked at each other for five mere seconds before he decided to end me with a dimpled smile. I immediately felt something annoying in my eye and cursed: “Fuck, I have a lash in my eye”. Then I pretended I didn’t see him and looked away. Luck was never on my side tho, because I was still burning with embarrassment for all our previous encounters when I caught him getting up and coming to us with my peripheral vision. Maya noticed it, and when she saw me getting ready to stand up and run away, she grabbed my arm and made my torso fall between her crossed legs, while signaling Sota to anchor my feet.

“If I’m interrupting a ritual, I can come back later,” he said as he stood next to my shoes, abandoned on the grass.

“Nah, it’s all fine. What do you need?” Sota took on the role of speaker for our group.

“Well, first of all, I wanted to know if Y/N is feeling better,” I just nodded and avoided his eyes like the plague. “And I wanted to talk to you about Taki’s party.”

Maya signaled him to sit down, and I had the possibility to finally free my ankles from Sota’s grip.

“What about it?” I asked, trying to stay normal for a damn second of my life since I’ve met this guy. But before he could start explaining, my phone started buzzing, and my mom’s name popped up on the screen. I sighed: “I’m sorry, I have to take this.” I quickly grabbed my things and stepped into my shoes messily.

“Mama, hi!” she never called during the last couple of days because of work. “Everything is fine, Fuma exaggerated as always. You don’t have to worry,” I explained as a soft smile tugged my lips, amused and endeared by how much my mom and my brother were similar to each other.

“I’m glad to hear that, baby,” I could hear the excitement radiating from the phone. “I called for another reason… where are you now?”

“I’m almost at the gate of the university. Why?” I was confused and started to look around. There was only one reason why my mother would ask me something like that.

“Amazing, can you wait in front of the big tree in the middle of the entrance and turn your face to the gate?”

She was definitely here, or she wouldn’t have asked me to do all these things. But I also didn’t want to ruin the surprise she organised for me, so I stayed quiet, swallowing the ‘You’re not slick’ I was about to let out.

“Are you there?” she asked again when she didn’t hear my answer.

“Yes, I am waiting here”. I looked to the gate and saw her black, combined hair neatly falling free on her neck, with a colorful little pink braid left by one of her kindergarten’s kids.

Before she was even able to see me, I started walking fast in her direction. When I got near enough that she could hear me, I called her out, and she immediately hugged me.

“Surprise!” she moved her open hands. “I thought about coming to visit my babies before the big festival back home”, she explained.

“I don’t have any more lessons until 4:00 PM,” I said, looking at my watch. “We have about three hours before I need to come back. Do you want to go somewhere?”

She looked at me with the ‘I need coffee’ look she always gives Dad first thing in the morning. I nodded to let her know I understood and started leading the way, while she kept the conversation alive.

I spilled it all out, Maki, and how we met on the first day, the list, the teasing from my friends, Fuma’s questions, all the bad impressions I probably gave to Maki, and the next tip I’m going to follow.

“These are not bad ideas at all!” She read the list I’ve always kept in my pocket for the last few weeks.

“Maybe you should just ask a bit of help from your friends,” she suggested, handing me back the list. “Your friend, the one who looks like a cat,” she snapped her fingers to try remembering his name.

“Sota or Nicholas?” Those two were the only ones that reminded me of cats, besides Yuma, who my mother didn’t know.

“Sota! Right, Sota,” she smiled, “He’s a charming boy, he will know how to approach people”.

She was so sure about it that the only thing I could do was listen to her. And now, I have to deal with him teasing me as always.

“Remember what I told you,” Sota whispered, “Keep the approach simple: smile, wave, and ask how he is. While he answers, look at his eyes and then wander on him searching for a topic you can hold a conversation on,” he listed, putting a finger down after each reminder. We were hiding behind a tree on the path to the entrance. “Got it,” I said, looking ap at him. “Hey, why am I the one crouching down?” he looked down at me. “Because you’re shorter than me. Now go,” he pushed me out of our hiding spot, and I reluctantly approached Yuma, who was with his back turned to my direction. “Hey, Yuma-san!” I called him out when I got near enough to not need to shout. “Y/N-san, how are you?” he turned to me, “Jo told me you had an accident last week”. I was baffled. Since when are Yuma, the most popular and wanted guy in the whole university, and Jo, the most reserved person I’ve ever known, friends? It’s like putting Charli xcx and Lana del Rey one after another in the same playlist. “It’s all fine now, nothing too serious,” I brushed it off. “And how are you? All quiet on the Western Front?” I kept eye contact while wishing the ground could swallow me. I heard Sota sighing in my earbud. ‘You are a lost cause,’ he gritted through clenched teeth. “Yeah, all too quiet. Weirdly quiet,” he looked around, and I took my chance to scan him head to toe to see if I could catch a glimpse of something I could build a conversation on. Finding nothing, I went back to what he said. “What do you mean, weirdly? If I can ask, clearly,” I smiled, accommodating. “By now I’m usually surrounded by too many people to even breathe properly,” he smiled calmly, “But I’m glad it isn’t happening. I’m happy to talk to you, and sometimes it’s nice to have some time free from them”. He barely had time to finish his sentence when tons of girls and boys came running to us. He was giving his back to them and didn’t notice immediately. “Yuma-san, I think it’s time for you to run away,” I said, pointing behind him. As he saw them approaching us, he cursed under his breath: “I’m sorry, we can talk more later!” he rushed away.

I went back to Sota, completely discouraged. “You actually held the conversation pretty well after the ‘all quiet on the Western front’ thing,” he patted my back, “I’m giving you a seven out of ten. The conversation was too short to give you a higher grade”. We took off our earbuds. “Do you know why everyone is always looking for him?” I finally asked after thinking about it many times. “Yuma is a great dancer, and everyone wants to be paired with him for dance projects, and he was an idol before coming here”. I swiftly turned my head towards him. “Don’t look at me like that. If you were into gossip just a little more, you would’ve known,” he flicked my forehead before turning my face to look in front of me. He left me in front of my Math classroom, but I didn’t even try to follow the lesson. I was too busy thinking about how to approach my next aim: Harua.

“Now, how are you going to approach him?” Sota kept his voice low because he was standing in front of the journal club’s room. “I’m going to pretend I’m confused about next month’s art exposition, and I’m asking him because I want to participate in it and he organises it”. He gave me a thumbs up. “That’s amazing. Now go. I’ll be at the library catching up with my homework; you can find me there or call me if you need any help.” I nodded, and we parted ways.

I knocked hesitantly on the club’s door, but no one answered; even tho I couldn’t hear a single sound coming out from the room. I opened slightly and walked him when a guy I didn’t know signaled me to come in. They were all wearing headphones and doing their things on their computers or at the printers.

I saw Harua near a window in the corner, talking to someone on the phone and writing something down at the same time. He saw me and lifted a finger, asking for a second with a condescending smile. He ten abrutedly ended the call with rage painted all over his face, but quickly recovered as he grabbed a chair for me to sit on.

“Good evening, Y/N-san, what brings you here?” It seemed like he didn’t want to waste time. “I heard you’re organizing an art exposition…” I scratched my neck.

“Yes, I am. Would you like to participate?” I nodded. “Fantastic, you can go to Mio-san and ask him everything,” he said before I could add anything further. “He’s going to help you fill out these forms and will answer all of your questions,” he handed me some documents, and I felt under pressure under his piercing gaze.

He wasn’t scary, just extremely serious about this stuff. I felt a shiver down my spine, feeling guilty about making him waste time on me just because I wanted to get closer to him, just to get closer to Maki. Gosh, I’m a shitty person. “Thank you so much, Harua-san. I will ask everything to Mio-san!” he smiled brightly and waved at me, before immediately calling someone with his phone, a frown adorning his usually sweet features.

After failing miserably with both of them, I felt like I didn’t want to have a conversation with anybody else for the rest of the day. That’s why I ignored all the text from my friends, planning to meet up somewhere after lessons, and went straight to the art club room.

I really hoped no one was there, but it seemed like that day wasn’t my day, and I had every right to play my cold winter breakup songs. Luckily, though, it was Jo. And even if we got pretty close since I became part of the club, he isn’t exactly talkative, and he has the ability to read the room.

“Bad day?” he asked with his soft tone after analysing my face. I nodded, really not in the mood for talking. He patted the chair next to him, signaling me to sit down while he kept painting. He was listening to music at a low volume, respectful of the other students using rooms near the art one. But as soon as I began painting too, ‘Freekn’ you’ started playing. I stared at him with eyes wide open until he noticed and turned to me, slightly tilting his head, confused at why I was looking at him like that.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked innocently. I think he was faking all of that innocent-looking image, but I didn’t have any proof other than the faint smirk I saw plastered on his face. “No, nothing at all,” I stuttered, pretending I didn’t understand a single word of the song, when I understood everything way too perfectly. I turned back to my stuff.

After a while, he started packing his things. “I’m heading home, are you planning to go too? We can walk together for a while, maybe,” he suggested, not as shy as always.

“I think I’m going to stay here a bit more, if it’s not a problem,” he brushed it off with his hand. “But thank you for offering! And for everything. I’m sorry I haven’t been as talkative as usual, I just had a bad day”.

He bravely initiated physical contact by patting my shoulder lightly. Are my shoulders attractive or people just like patting them?

“Don’t worry, you don’t always have to be at 100%. And let me know if I can help you with anything!” he said, walking to the door and waving in my direction.

“I will!” I waved back as he left the room. Well, maybe I didn’t get to become friends with Yuma and Harua, but I surely discovered something new about Jo, something like his freakiness.

“Here you are! I knew I could find you there,” Maya laid herself next to me on the grass. She hated touching the ground with her clothes, thinking about how dirty they could get. “Maya, your clothes are going to get dirty.” I sat up and grabbed her hands to make her sit like me, so that at least her top half could be safe. “I don’t care, lay down again,” she shrugged her shoulders, and we both fell back flat on the ground. “Wifey, tell me what’s going on.” She gave me her hand, and I started playing with her rings, something that calms me down and that she knew about.

“The list said I had to try and get close with his friends, so I asked Sota for help under my mom’s suggestion,” I started explaining. “But it didn’t go well. I didn’t have time to have a proper conversation with Yuma, and Harua didn’t have time to have a proper conversation with me. That stupid list isn’t functioning”. “Maybe it’s because you are avoiding the most important tip: being yourself. It’s more than enough in your case, who wouldn’t fall in love with a sweetheart like you?” We both giggled.

“It’s not that easy,” I sighed, “he is just too good, and I’m not. He refused my brownies, he refused my help in math, and he saw how nervous I looked when I noticed how difficult those exercises were. He saw the accident during the basketball practice, and then I told him that he has imponent eyebrows and tried to bite him because he has the shape of a Dorito and I wanted to know how he tasted.” I turned my head to Maya and saw her trying to hold back her laughter. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, still trying to mask the fact that my embarrassment was funny for her. “And I’m doing things I usually do. I mean, you know I love backing, helping, and talking with people, so I’m technically being myself. I’m just trying to be a bit cooler while being myself, but everything seems to be going in the wrong direction, always.” I explained.

“I could help you if you told me who he is,” she said as if she didn’t already know.

“You know who he is,” I gave her a side eye, “I’ll be really surprised if you didn’t notice how much of a mess I become when Maki is around.”

Both of us felt a light noise coming from the tree behind us, and we quickly looked at it. When we saw nothing, assuming it was a mix of bugs and wind, we laid back down once again. “Now it all makes sense. I won’t say anything to the others if you don’t want me to. But I want you to know that I’ll be there to help you anytime,” she smiled and smacked me a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, wifey”. We stood there for a while and, once again, my thoughts drifted to that fucking list. I started it, and I'm going to finish it, for scientific purposes. I was already looking like a crazy girl in his eyes, who cares if even the last tip doesn't work? I remembered only half of the tip: ‘dress nicely to impress him’ and immediately thought about my next helpers: Reo and Nicholas.

“I’m just saying that you should step out of your comfort zone,” Maya shrugged her shoulders.

“Maya, I do not have a comfort zone,” I raised an eyebrow, “And even if I had it, and if it was the art club, I still need to pass Jo’s test. I don’t even know what he is gonna ask me to do.” We were walking down the corridors on our way to our next lessons, looking at all the club doors as they passed by.

“He’s probably gonna ask you to paint a portrait of something or someone,” she explained, “It’s the same test almost every year, usually he uses objects, but since the number of art students has increased, he’s going to be harsher and probably give you a person.”

I stopped mid-step, before quickly recovering and kept walking. “Oh my lanta, what if I have to paint Maki?” I whispered to myself, thinking Maya didn’t hear. And, of course, I underestimated my friend’s hearing.

“What did you say?” She turned to me with a smug expression. And her grin grew wider at my ‘Nothing’. “Oh, really? I thought you said something like a name? A certain Maki, perhaps?” she pretended not to have understood what I said.

“Maybe you are becoming crazy,” I faked concern, “That sometimes happens to people that don’t mind their own business”. I started walking faster.

“Wifey, you are such a bad liar,” she draped her arm over my shoulders. “Now, I really want to know who this Maki is, who is this man stealing my woman’s attention?”

She was loud, too loud. Not enough to attract the attention of people minding their business and not interested in what we were saying, but enough to catch the attention of the only one who shouldn’t have heard it. Maki’s head turned towards us, and when he waved his hands with an embarrassed smile, my only wish was to kill Maya and then bury myself alive.

I turned as red as a tomato, and Maya’s gaze drifted from me to him and me again, smirking as if she discovered the juiciest secret ever. I quickly returned the greeting and began walking even faster, dragging my friend with me in a more secluded space.

“Girl, if that’s Maki and Jo chose him as a model,” she came closer to my ear and started whispering, “you’re gonna draw both a person and a thing, a whole dish to be precise.” I covered her mouth with my hand, her left wrist still locked in my fist, not too harsh.

“Yes, he is Maki. No, he isn’t the one I like,” I answered all of her questions, asked and unasked ones, “And stop saying he’s a meal; I gave a look too, and I know his ass is a whole bakery, but not everything is meant to be said out loud.” I flicked her forehead.

“I was talking about his biceps,” she moved my hand away from her mouth. “We have to go back, I need to give a look at his cake too.”

She turned and started walking back to where we were, but I firmly stopped her: “You’ll have a look some other time. We are gonna be late for lessons”.

And I grabbed her forearm once again, making her follow me while she looked back, hoping to see a glimpse of Maki’s covered buttcheeks. “We are not gonna be late!” she protested, but I had already had enough with her antics for the morning.

“You are going to do great, don’t worry,” Maya reassured me as me, her, and Taki approached the art club door.

“Maya is right, you’ve been drawing for your whole life, and you are literally attending the art course at Tokyo Geidai,” Taki patted my shoulder. “You were born for this, and besides, it’s his loss if he doesn’t accept you.”

“You’ll also be surprised to know that usually the ones that try to enter the club are not art students; you are an exception, and you’ll surely be better than many of them,” Maya added, trying to comfort me.

“True, and you also told me that Jo has been answering your texts, which is amazing. He is very shy, but he seemed to be warming up extremely fast with you”. Maya and I both turned our heads to him before asking how he knew it. “Well, you told me that you two were texting. But if you mean how do I know him, we are in the same dance group at your brother’s studio. Actually, some of the students here are part of the group too, but you probably don’t know them.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“By the way, wifey, we have to go. I have the evaluations of new entries in the choir,” Maya looked at her shiny red watch.

“And I have to accompany first-year students to Fuma-san's practice room,” Taki continued.

I sighed, waiting to know my final sentence. It could be a deadly one if Maki was the model, or not if he wasn’t. I looked at them with a dejected expression.

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you’re going to do, and then I’m coming back to you to know the results and to show you other clubs.” Maya caressed my hair in a motherly way, and Taki gave a nod of affirmation. Then they walked away, holding their fists to their chests and whispering a small ‘fighting’.

I decided to enter the room and, even if it was full of students, my eyes landed first on the model spot, occupied by a beautiful 50 cms tall action figure of all Eevie’s version, strangely familiar and looking like the one my brother treasured in our living room. Then my eyes move to Jo, sitting in a corner of the room with the other members of the club. He saw me and gave me a small smile, before mimicking a 'fighting' with his lips. I smiled brightly back at him and calmed myself down.

I inhaled and exhaled, feeling less nervous than before as Jo’s calm demeanour and presence affected me positively.

Jo, as the president, explained the 3 most important rules of the test and the club in general: have personality (meaning: draw in you personal style, without trying to emulate someone else’s one); be punctual (meaning: respect due dates and don’t be late to lessons) and never loose your passions for art (meaning: you might not get in, but keep having fun drawing). We had two hours to begin our work and then finish it for the next day. Some of the club members walked through our seats, commenting on our work or giving feedback and advice to make them better.

After the mentioned two hours, we were kindly invited to leave the room and take our projects with us to finish them at home. I was the last one leaving, putting everything a way witht the care my art supplies needed, but as I was walking out the door looking back to wave goodbye at Jo and the other club students, I hit something pretty hard, and before understanding that ‘something’ was actually a ‘someone’, I plantered my heel on a feet of the poor victim of mu clumsyness.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking,” I quickly turned and looked up. “Oh, Maki! It’s you, I’m really sorry.” I apologized profusely to him.

“Y/N! Don’t worry, you didn’t hurt me,” he helped me get my balance back, “But I suggest you look where you put your feet. As much as I’d like to help you out every time, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to.” he let out a breathy laugh, and I giggled, embarrassed.

“You’re right,” I agreed. “Oh, sorry, I have to go now. It was a pleasure to see you again! I stuttered quickly, looking behind his back and seeing Maya approach us with a smirk on her face. I quickly walked up to her and dragged her with me in the opposite direction.

“Hey, I’m not a puppet! I can walk, and there’s no need for you to drag me here and there,” she protested, a smirk still plastered on her face. “But you were right, he’s got one of an ass.”

I shushed her and walked away before the roles reversed, and she began dragging me around. “Now that you’re free, why don’t we give a look at other clubs as well?” she asked without really waiting for an answer. That’s how our research for a new club began.

“What about the volleyball team?” Maya suggested, “You like Haikyuu, don’t you?”

I looked at the female volleyball team, split into two groups playing one against the other. Everyone had a fierce look in their eyes, and when the captain made eye contact with me, I felt a shiver down my spine.

“I do like it. But that doesn’t mean I want to be part of a volleyball team or club,” I justified myself, especially this team. Have you seen the look they give to each other?”

She tilted her head, confused at what I meant by “the look,” and I moved my head in the captain’s direction. Maya froze as the spiker gave us a scary look, and we both backed off, going right to the door.

We then moved on to the next club Maya wanted me to try out: the gaming club. The president was a small, nerdy hunchback with weird glasses and the reputation of a pervert, but I’m not one to judge based on rumors.

“Since you’re a first-year student, and I don’t know how good you are, I’ll need to evaluate you on your gaming skills,” he murmured so low that we almost didn’t hear.

“Can she try out now?” Maya asked for me, but I sensed something strange; I had a bad feeling in my stomach.

“No, she can’t. I will have to test her after the club activity, we are busy now,” he refused. “The art club doesn’t gather on Mondays and Fridays, you can try those days, before going to the shelter,” he proposed.

He was creeping me out with all the information he had about my programs. I was about to ask how he knew all those things, but he simply pointed at my right knee, slightly coloured with red paint. Before he could add anything further, someone barged into the room. What the hell was Maki doing here? I thought to myself as I exchanged looks with Maya.

“Y/N, Jo is searching for you,” he then gestured to Maya and me to go out the door, following us immediately behind.

“Jo isn’t actually searching for you. It’s just that you both seemed uncomfortable, and he doesn’t have an exactly great reputation,” he explained as we walked down the aisle.

I couldn’t look him in the eyes; I know I would’ve folded if I did. Maya looked at him and then at me, with a sly smile on her face.

“I was actually going to the gym to see the basketball club’s evaluation results, and it’s right next to the pool. I came here just to buy some water,” I looked at his clothes, only then noticing he was wearing the school jersey and holding a half-drunk bottle. “Can I walk with you?” he sweetly asked, his downturned eyes glossy and expectant. I wished I could say ‘Fuck you and your cute puppy eyesì’, but that wouldn’t have been very nonchalant of me, so I simply said: “Sure,” as if I wasn’t having a heart attack.

“By the way, the jersey suits you,” I tried complimenting him, remembering what I had to do according to my list, “It shows your cleavage well”. As soon as those words left my mouth, I mentally facepalmed myself, embarrassed by how I switched clavicles with cleavage. Not that 'clavicle' is that much better, but it would’ve been less weird. I didn’t look at him or at Maya and kept walking, knowing damn well she was going to tease me about this forever and that he was absolutely weirded out by me.

When we got there, we parted ways with Maki, who went to the gym, as I locked myself in the locker room, changing into the school’s swimsuit.

“Maya,” I said while putting my hair in a tight bun, “I don’t want to do this. Can we ditch the tryout and go somewhere else?” I pleaded, almost kneeling in front of her. “Babe, what’s wrong? You were so eager to try,” she took my hands and made me sit next to her, genuinely concerned about me. ”The truth is that…” I hesitated, embarrassed as hell. “It’s just… I don’t know how to swim,” I confessed. She let out a laugh, but when she saw that I wasn’t laughing with her, she quickly stopped and hugged me. “It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m just gonna tell Makoto-san that you aren’t feeling well. He is very sweet, he’ll understand,” she patted my head. “But why didn’t you tell me something sooner?” She broke the hug and looked into my eyes. “I was embarrassed. I mean, isn’t it ridiculous that I’m 20 years old and I don’t know how to swim?” I hid my face in my hands. “It's not, and there are more people who can't swim than you can imagine. Anyway,” she got up, “changed into your normal clothes, and while I go to Makoto-san, I’ll be back immediately”. I nodded, and she left me there, melting in embarrassment.

“How many do we have left?” I asked, already exhausted by the whole try-out thing.

“We still have three: photography, journalism, and the student council,” she counted on her fingers, “But we’re gonna do them tomorrow, don’t worry”. Little did I know it would’ve been even more exhausting.

The next day, we began with the photography club, which wasn’t tiring at all, neither for the members, nor for me, as they don't actually take photos. The only time of the year they take pictures around school is for specific articles by the journalism club. Most of the time, though, they eat snacks and read manga in their club room. And although those are things I like to do, I wasn’t going to spend extra time in university just to waste time. I wanted to do something that I could put on my CV, just to remember the good old days when I’ll finally sing “I was looking for a job, and then I found a job. And heaven knows I’m miserable now” understanding deep down every single word.

We moved on to the near, enormous journaling club’s room, but it was complete chaos. There were both people moving from left to right, bumping into each other in a rush, and people who were completely calm, sipping coffee without any worry, leaning against a desk or fidgeting with pens. After searching with my eyes for about fifteen seconds, I spotted the club vice-leader, Harua, near the printer in a corner. We made our way up to him to talk about the club entrance, but he looked at us with a sad face.

“I’m really sorry, girls, I would love to have even more people, but there are already many new members, and my president won’t be present for the next two weeks. You can try next year, though! It will be my pleasure, as the next president, to have you here as a member”. He bowed deeply, apologizing for something that wasn’t even his fault.

“Harua-senpai, don’t worry! Thank you for paying attention to us. Maya and I bowed too and left the room as he turned again towards the printer, trying to make it function.

“It’s time for the last try out,” Maya announced, as tired as I was of this whole thing, as if she wasn’t the one who obliged me to do it. “The student council. Yuma is the one we have to ask to, but I think you already know him,” she was referring to what Maki said the previous day. “Yeah, I know him, but I don’t know if becoming part of the student council is a good idea,” she gave me a questioning look. “Come on, Maya. I’m not the kind of person who suits the role. Yuma is a member, and he is always surrounded by a lot of people. Harua is always jumping around his obligations not only as vice president of the journaling club, but also as a member of the council, and one of the seniors I know, Gaku, is always dealing with too many things. Have you seen those poor guy’s eyebags?” I was seriously concerned for the senior, as he was the one who suggested that I attend this university while we were in high school.

“I did notice. I wonder how many hours he sleeps at night. Anyway, you’re right,” she said, quickly specifying, “It’s not that I don’t see you in that role, it’s just that I don’t want it to take too much energy from you. You already volunteer at the shelter, and the art club might require more work than just during the club’s activity. I don’t want you to burn out”.

I nodded in understanding, and we just decided to finally leave and grab something to drink on our way to the park, wanting to take advantage of the good weather until it lasted.

“So did you find any other club to be part of?” Jo asked, shoving a big bite of rice in his mouth. It was our lunch break and, since none of my friends were available at lunch, I decided to ask Jo if it was possible to eat in the club’s room. After that, he asked me, in the sweetest way possible, if we could have lunch together.

”No, I didn’t. But I didn’t even think I could have chosen to be part of two,” I honestly answered, shrugging my shoulders.

“The university pushes students to experience everything the institute offers, that’s why they give you extra credits, also based on how many activities you do,” he explained between bites. “And, you can refuse, there’s no pressure; you might not be interested, and if that is the case, you can simply refuse, no offense will be taken…” Jo was rambling while his ears got red.

“Jo-senpai, please, breathe and tell me. I promise you that I’ll turn down the offer if I’m not interested.” I stopped and reassured him.

“Right. Well, the basketball team already had their try-outs, but our coach said he needed someone to manage and organise club activities, like an assistant or a manager.” he drank a bit of water before continuing. “And I thought that you could’ve been good in that, since I saw how well-organized your art supplies are. You seem pretty methodical”. I was going to cry for the compliment.

“Thank you, Jo, that’s a big compliment for me.” Then I thought about my list ‘get involved in some of the same activities’ and about the latest conversation with Maki: ‘I was actually going to the gym to see the basketball club’s evaluation results’. He might have gotten on the team, and it was my perfect occasion to ‘solve’ the jersey compliment incident.

“I’ll try. Thank you for suggesting it”. We then kept on talking about our studies and about other interests, and even if I had to push the conversation further sometimes, we still had a good time together.

“Coach, you need to sign this for the first training camp of the team,” I handed coach Miyazaki my clipboard and pointed where he had to sign.

Turns out Jo’s idea of making me try out as the assistant of the basketball team was a good idea. That same day, after lunch, I went to practice with him, and Miyazaki gave me a cold welcome that, he explained at the end of the practice, was ‘the first test, because if I scared you off, you weren’t suited for the role’. He then gave me a warmer second welcome, making the whole team do the same. I didn’t like being the centre of attention, but I’ll admit it, receiving such a greeting felt good. And I was right, Maki got into the team as a player of the starting lineup.

At the time of my third practice with the club, many of the players opened up to me, and Miyazaki praised my organising skills and my motivation multiple times, reserving all his positive energy towards me and rarely complimenting the boys.

“What can I say? She reminds me of my daughter,” was his explanation every time a senior jokingly whined that he never praised them that much.

“You are a blessing,” he took the clipboard and immediately signed. “The school secretary told me that I had to sign this two weeks ago, but you know, I’m starting to feel the side effects of aging. Thank you for reminding me.” I bowed when he handed everything back and politely smiled: “It’s my job, after all.”

I have never thought I could ever enjoy spending my time in a room full of sweaty boys passing a ball to each other, but there I was, loving what I was doing to help the team.

“You’re doing a great job as the coach’s assistant,” Sota murmured while I bandaged his middle and ring fingers together. “But don’t tell the others I told you this”.

“What do you mean by others? The curb’s strays or your teammates?” I teased him, only to genuinely thank him right after. “You know I like to be as helpful as I can”.

He gave me a small smile. “And how is it going with your secret big fat crush?” he asked all of a sudden.

“I don’t know. Probably not in the best way it could. I tried to be nonchalant and cool, but the universe seems to be working against me,” I sighed dejectedly. “Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Or what if I didn’t even try?”

He patted my knee as a reassurance and stood up. “You’re overthinking it. Follow the flow, yolo anyway.” he then walked off.

“Y/N-san, I need to ask you a favor,” Jo came up to me and shyly asked, “Would you take my spot while I go to the bathroom?” he pointed at Mackiah sitting awkwardly in a corner.

“Sure! Go on, I’ll help Mackiah,” I patted his shoulder. “Mercer, stretch those legs and bend down seriously,” I said as I used all my strength to push his bust nearer to his legs as he tried to reach his toes.

“So, what is going on between you and Maki?” I pressed down harder to shut him up.

“There’s nothing going on, now stretch and don’t get distracted”.

“I will because I want to, but this isn’t the end of our conversation”. Luckily, Jo was very fast with his bathroom thing and quickly came back, but I still had the time to give Mackiah a little slap on the scruff of the neck.

The rest of the practice went pretty smoothly until coach Miyazaki left the guys and me unsupervised to go to the principal’s office.

“I’m sure you will behave, and nothing will happen,” he said, and, well, he was wrong as fuck.

I was sitting on a bench near the court, working on a drawing while the guys were playing a short match, when one of them screamed out my name. I looked in the voice’s direction only to see a ball coming at me full speed. It hit my nose before hitting the floor, rolling away.

Sota, the closest one, ran up to me and calmly moved my hands away from my nose. “That seems bad. What do we do?” Jo asked, concerned, but as calm as Sota.

“It’s nothing, guys, it’s just a bit of blood. I’m fine. I’ll go to the infirmary and solve everything. You keep playing.” I tried brushing them off and stood up, only for Coach Miyazaki to catch me.

“Let me see your nose,” he lifted my chin up, looking closely.

They gave me some ice, trying to make it stop as I kept telling them it was nothing, but after a few minutes, Mackiah noticed something was wrong: “Coach, she’s getting paler”. My head was starting to go round and round, making me confused about how the room was moving on its own.

“I’ll take her to the infirmary,” Maki raised his hand to Miyazaki. “It’s my fault if she’s feeling like this now. It’s the least I can do. I’ll explain everything later,” he patted the shoulder of a first-year backup and came up to me.

“Are you ok with me giving you a piggyback to the infirmary?” he asked with a small smile, and turned his back to me when I nodded. “Can someone help her get on me?” he knelt down, and Sota helped me. Blood kept flowing out of my nose, and I was getting dizzier as time passed. “I’ll be back as soon as possible,” Maki affirmed to Miyazaki, who simply let him go.

“I’m too heavy.” It was supposed to be a question, but it didn’t come out as I wanted. “You’re not. Now, why don’t you rest your head on my back and try your best to stay awake?” he slightly turned his head to me while he kept walking. I listened to him and let my head flop on his shoulder. “I’m sorry for your jersey, it will get a stain,” I apologized, but he murmured a low ‘don’t worry’, and I kept rambling.

“You confuse me, your downturned eyes are all cute and sweet, and then SBAM, you have impotent eyebrows.” his back vibrated, from his laugh, under my chest. “Do you dye them? You kinda look like a puppy, too.”

He was absolutely losing it, but he still took me seriously and shook his head.

“Why are balls the only thing attracted to my face?” I kept asking, not really wanting an answer, “Do you think a sports shop would decline my face card or would they accept it because balls are too attracted by it?” he kept laughing while he helped me get off his back to make me lie down on one of the stretchers of the infirmary.

“You are kinda shaped like a Dorito, you know? But which flavor?” I tried to bite his bicep while he was still helping me, but he gently took his arm away from me.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, but why don’t you lie down while you get examined?” he asked, tilting his head. “I promise I’m staying here with you until she finishes, but you have to let her do her job,” he said, referring to the nurse. I behaved as both of them asked me to and stayed still. It took a while, but Maki never left, and after being cured, I started feeling sleepy.

“Get some rest, I will call your parents,” I nodded at the nurse’s words and slowly fell asleep.

Once I woke up, there was nobody next to my stretcher, only a small piece of paper with ‘Get well soon and thank you for the creative compliments’ written on it, and the sketch of a small smiley puppy. The nurse helped me sit down on the stretcher, and a few minutes later, Fuma barged into the infirmary with Taki and another handsome, tall guy. While Fuma talked with the nurse, Taki came up to me to know what had happened and to introduce me to the famous K.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” I said, bowing as deeply as I could, still sitting down. “It’s not the best situation, but I’m glad I’m finally able to meet the man my brother keeps talking about.” I made fun of my brother while he was occupied. Both Taki and K laughed before helping me get on my feet.

“Are you ready to go home? K and Taki will have dinner with us tonight,” Fuma asked.

“I’m ready, but we have to go back to the gym. I left all my things there.” I shoved the small piece of paper left by Maki in my pocket.

“There’s no need,” the nurse interrupted us, “Your friend Riki already brought everything here. Coach Miyazaki was waiting for him in his office, and he left all your things here.”

I felt three pairs of eyes looking at me curiously, but I didn’t dare to look back at them, feeling the heat creeping up my neck. The nurse handed me my things, and we all thanked her as we walked out.

Dinner with K and Taki was funny, especially because Fuma didn't cook anything, as he would've had to since the nurse suggested I don't get too close to steaming things.

"So, who's this Riki friend of yours?" Fuma asked, trying to be sly and failing miserably.

"No one important. It's just a guy from my math class and the basketball team." I shrugged.

"You should invite some of your friends from university over," my brother suggested, and K elbowed him. "What? I was just saying it would be good for her to have someone over sometime," he shrugged to.

Taki and K shifted their gazes from one of Murata's siblings. "You both are not even trying to hide the fact that you are lying," Taki nodded in agreement. But neither Fuma nor I dragged the conversation further, deciding to change the focus of it.

Besides the little interrogation, the dinner flowed smoothly as my stammering stream of consciousness on Maki's back, and the food, prepared with K's help, was absolutely delicious.

They left pretty late, and as Fuma was saying goodbye to K, I was talking with Taki, who asked me how the situation was with my crush.

"I'm starting to think it wasn't a good idea to ask WikiHow, but I still have two tips to try out.

“You are really going on with this thing?” he was half surprised and half defeated. “Well, you do you. You know that if you need help, you can ask to the curb”.

“I know, I know. And I’m thankful for that,” I hugged him. “Now go, it’s getting very late”. Fuma and I both waved at them while K drove off.

I went to my room to get ready to sleep when Fuma stopped me: “The nurse suggested staying at home for a couple of days, you can go back next week if you’re feeling good. The week is almost over anyway.”

I nodded and gave him a small kiss on the cheek as a ‘good night’.

Before slipping under the covers, I took my list and crossed out the second tip, writing a big red F of ‘failed’ right next to it. ‘It’s already the second one, if the next tip fails, it’ll be the big strike’, I thought to myself before hiding the list under my pillow once again and turning off the lights. And right when I thought nothing could beat the embarrassment of math homework, sbam, something bigger makes me think again.

Are my friends doing rituals to sabotage me because I haven’t neither asked them for help nor told them who the boy is? Or is the universe working against me?

Whatever it was didn’t matter; the next tip was either going to be a success and have me keep going on or a complete mess, making me stop.

“Please, remind me why I’m here,” Taki whined as he started unpacking the groceries we bought to bake peanut-butter brownies. “Because you are the best baker I know and I always have so much fun cooking with you,” I omitted part of the reason, but my friend immediately understood I was hiding something. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me, analyzing my face as he often did with people, trying to understand if I was lying or not.

“And, maybe, I planned to give these out to people at uni with a pamphlet for the shelter…” I hesitated too much, and he urged me to continue and say the whole thought. “And maybe there’s someone who I want to give it to specifically.” “Ah, I understand. Is feeding him a point of Wikihow’s list?” he jokingly asked to tease me. “Taki, I’m not trying to be come his mother,” I sighed as I took out the folded list I printed “the first tip says I should 'do nice things for him' and 'smile as subtle way of flirting' - I read out loud - Well, I don’t thinks smiling is really considerable as flirting as I do that to almost everyone, but I’m trusting Wiki. She never let me down with research for school”. "Why she? Wiki might be a man." he crossed his arms. "Taki, you are the funniest person I know. We've been knowing each other for almost two decades, and this is the funniest thing you've ever said. Wiki could never be a man, she's way too helpful, and her advice is too good." I shrugged. “Whatever you say, girl. But do you, at least, know him well enough to be 100% sure he won’t turn these down because he might not like them?” he tried to reason with me, trying to change my mind on the 'nice thing' to do for Maki. “Taki, be for real. Who doesn’t like brownies? - I looked at him after weighing the flour. - And it’s not the only nice thing I’ll do”. “And what are the other things you will do?” This time, he wasn’t teasing me, truly thinking I had something planned and genuinely curious. “I still have to plan them, but I’ll let you know if they work,” I weighed the sugar. “And thank you for helping me out, really,” I smiled at him. “As long as you let me have a piece of what we’re making, it’s a pleasure to help you”. He ruffled my hair. As soon as we finished weighing and mixing all the ingredients, the brownies were getting hot and chunky in the oven while we were both covered in flour.

"We should decorate them, shouldn't we?" Taki suggested. "You're right," we both started looking around the kitchen to look for something tasty and pretty to decorate the sweets with. "What do you think about crushed peanuts? To continue with the theme of peanut butter," he said, holding the package of peanuts and a smooth surface meat pounder. "Good idea! But I'd add my magical, sugary, colorful, pretty star-shaped sprinkles too," I said, showing him my sprinkles as if they were some kind of weapon. "You went all-in with the compliments. But they are truly cute, and they're kind of your thing" he added.

"But what if he thinks they're too childish? - I was overthinking it - Maybe I shouldn't put them. Peanuts will be more than enough to make the brownies pretty." I put the sprinkles away and looked at Taki, who had a worried expression on his face. "Ah, Y/N - he sighed - you shouldn't pretend to be different than how you are. Stars are your thing, and those sprinkles are pretty. Why do you think he would find them childish?" he started wiping away the flour on the counter. "Because he is very cool, he always wears dark clothes and everything in him, from his style to his features, screams sharp, cold, and mature, not colorful and infantile". I explained as I was brooming the floor.

The timer went off and started ringing annoyingly. We both ran to the oven and saw our perfectly baked brownies almost glowing under the light of the oven for a few seconds before we turned it down. "We did an amazing job!" We gave each other a high five, and right then, Fuma walked into the kitchen. "What is this mess?" he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. We smiled innocently at him, showing the broom and sponge we were cleaning with. He just looked at us as if he was one with our antics and just walked out of the kitchen, reminding us to clean up all the mess before going to wash ourselves, full of ingredients too.

The next day, I was standing in front of my math class with the tray of almost fresh-baked peanut butter brownies in my tote bag and a lot of hope in my heart. I was dreaming about any possible reaction from him, without noticing how people started stopping around me, sensing the sweet smell of the sweets. But before anyone could ask me for a piece, I made my way into the classroom and sat at a random desk, not knowing that my target was right behind me. I sat ungracefully on the seat, exhaling an audible ‘Umpf’ and letting my backpack fall softly on the ground.

“Tough first week?” a voice asked behind me. I turned my head too fast and hit him with my ponytail. “Oh my, sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you with my hair,” he was holding back a laugh, “yeah, tough week. Let me make it up to you. May I offer you brownies?” I offered him, showing the tray. “Maybe some other time, mh?” he reached them with his hand, just to take it back immediately.

He refused, tilting his head slightly to the side, giving me a reassuring look, but didn’t say anything else, and I remembered the other point of the list: ‘smile as a subtle way of flirting’. But the smile I gave him as a: Don’t worry, I understand” was way too rigid to be natural. He raised an eyebrow, looking at me, probably questioning what was wrong with me, and I just turned my back on him again while he turned his to me to talk with one of his friends.

As I put the tray back in the bag and crossed my arms on the desk, head resting on them, I felt a flick on my left temple. I lifted my eyes towards the culprit and loudly called: “Mackiah!” “Hi to you too, Y/N. Anything wrong?” he asked as I stood up, going in for a quick hug. “Don’t mention it,” I answered honestly, “but I’m having a lot of fun studying here! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back this week?” Mackiah was a model under Euijoo’s agency and had to spend a couple of weeks abroad for a job overseas. “I forgot, you know I always have a thousand thoughts in my head,” he justified himself, “I also have gifts for everyone.” I clapped my hands, excited. “Do you want a brownie? I baked them with Taki yesterday.” I then offered him, not knowing what to do with them. “You’re a threat to my diet, but I’ll gladly accept,” he said, taking one of them. “But where are your sprinkles?” he asked, pointing at the crispy, thin layer of crust with crushed peanuts. “It’s nothing really, I just forgot them.” I moved my hand through my middle hair, lying about it. Nicholas, Euijoo, and the curb’s family already knew about my little massive crush; I didn’t need someone else bugging me about it and telling me how bad an idea it is to follow tips found on the internet.

“Mackiah, man, welcome back to us commons,” Maki interrupted us before Mackiah could say anything else. “How was Milan?” They gave each other a pat on the shoulder, and I felt blood flushing my cheeks when Mackiah included me in the conversation: “Beautiful as always. Y/N, this is Maki, yearning teenage boy voice, and Maki, this is Y/N, fairy baker and artist hands”.

He introduced us, without knowing we both ran into each other multiple times and that my ‘fairy baker hands’ failed to bake a good enough-looking brownie to be eaten by the one I want to eat (who said that?). “Mackiah, we both know each other,” I mumbled through gritted teeth, tucking the back of his shirt. “We met the first day here,” he didn’t hear what I said, “Yuma-san ran over her”. They both laughed at it, Maki remembering the scene and Mackiah picturing it in his mind, basing it on the multiple times he saw me tripping over things and falling on the floor. “She is attracted by flat things apparently,” Mackiah joked, and I pretended to laugh at it, kicking his ankle after shooting him a death glare.

Oh boy, if you knew that the one I’m actually attracted to is nowhere near flat. I facepalmed myself and sank down in my seat once again. First mission failed, and right before a subject I absolutely despise. Things can only get worse.

After lessons, you didn’t go back home immediately, deciding to stop at the local park on the way from the Tokyo Geidai to Fuma’s studio. The weather was nice, the sun warm and bright; it was the kind of weather that makes children ask their parents to bring them to the park. There, I saw some of the families that often come to the shelter to play with the calmest and friendliest strays we take care of. I waved at them and settled down my picnic blanket, throwing myself on it.

‘Oh, when you walk by every night, talking sweet and looking fine, I get kinda hectic inside…’ I hummed softly while Taro and Jiro, a pair of twins I got to know at the shelter, and Taiga, a little girl I babysit from time to time, came up to me, followed by their grandparents’ eyes. I smiled fondly at them and slightly bent to their grannies from afar. They sat down, and I stopped Mariah Carey’s song.

“Y/N-san, are you sad?” Taro asked bravely, and Jiro immediately followed him, “Did you take your nap?” I laughed softly and explained that I was tired because I had finished the lesson just a few minutes before coming to the park. “What do you have in your bag?”, my curious Taiga couldn’t stop herself from asking. “I have my special brownies,” I showed them the tray, “but first, you have to ask your grandparents if you can have a piece of them”.

After that, they ran off to ask, and I pulled out the secret weapon that made them special ‘star-shaped sprinkles’, because who cares if kids think I’m childish? They are, too, and certainly more than I am. When they came back, we ate and talked about their school, classmates, and cartoons.

After a while, Taro and Jiro left Taiga and me alone to go on the swings, and Taiga pointed at a boy the same age as her. “That’s the boy you like?” I asked, shifting my gaze from her to him and her again. “Yes. He gave me a flower and let me borrow his blue pastel.” Her cheeks became faintly red, and I was hit by a wave of cuteness aggression. “Well, did you say thank you?” she nodded. “Then, you should do something nice for him too!” I suggested, unconsciously suggesting something that didn’t work for me. “Yes! I will help him in class and draw a puppy for him!” she said excitedly. “That’s a very good idea, Taiga-chan! High five,” I complimented her, genuinely thinking it was a good idea. “And do you like someone onee-chan?” She tilted her head and looked at me while it was my turn to become as red as a tomato. “Yes. His name is Maki, we go to university together,” I answered. “And I tried to be nice too. I wanted to give him brownies, but he didn’t want them.” “He’s rude!” she yelled and shook her head. “Nobody should treat my onee-chan like that”. “It’s fine, Taiga, I will try helping him with homework like you.” I laughed at her outburst and pinched her cheek.

Then her grandparents called her to go home. “Let me know how it goes the next time we see each other”. “I will! Thank you for the brownies,” she bowed politely and made her way to her grandparents.

Helping with homework didn’t sound like a bad idea. But then again, I was the one who really thought it was a good idea to seek help to attract someone to WikiHow; my desperation got the best of my good judgment.

On Thursday, right after the second of the three lessons of the common math course mandatory for all first-year students, I decided to apply Taiga’s idea. And once again, I became the main entertainment and main receiver of free insults from the curb’s family.

"There's this really cute guy at university," I confessed to Miss Wang, kneading the dough for a typical Taiwanese pineapple cake, "and I'm trying to get his attention, but nothing is working. I baked brownies and offered him one, but he refused, and before that, I flicked him with my hair. Then I tried helping him with our math homework because I thought he was confused, but he said that he wasn't and actually was fighting staying awake because those exercises were too easy for him. But when I saw them, I apparently got pale, and he asked me if I was the one in need of help, and I panicked, and I ran away, and now he will think I'm an idiot, and he will never fall in love with me, and we're never going to age together." I took everything I had in my head out.

"Calm down, Bǎobao. Breath with me," she kindly put a hand on my arm, gently gesturing me to follow her breath. "He might have refused your brownies because he didn't feel like eating them, not because he found them ugly or because they smelled bad. And he is not going to think you're stupid just because you seemed panicking in front of some exercises. If he is really that smart, as he seems to be by the way you describe him, he will know that everybody has a weakness in a certain thing," she calmly explained, taking the dough away from my hands.

"And I can't even ask my friends for advice, because they will make fun of me!" I whined.

"You're killing my dough, and overthinking it, darling," she began working with firm but gentle hands. "You have to manage things with love to obtain a good result, and you have to be yourself to make someone fall in love with you". She passed me the dough again, and I started working it again, trying to copy the way she did. "And that's something I wouldn't tell to everybody, because even if being yourself is the right thing to do, some people actually better hide their true self. But you're too lovable to need to act like somebody else, and if he is a smart and good enough boy, he'll understand it." She gave me a light pat between my shoulder blades. "Now, that is how you knead!"

We kept talking about our personal lives in front of two slices of pineapple cake and two boba teas, and listening to all her adventures, both present and from the past, I truly asked myself if I'm living or just existing. When she left our flat, she refused to take the cake with her because her husband would eat it entirely before dinner, but she also complimented me, saying I'm getting better every day.

"By the way, what is the boy's name?" she asked, already with her feet out the door. "His name is Maki, but promise to never tell Nicholas, Euijoo, Taki, or anyone else." She reached my hand with her pinky lifted. "I pinky-swear I won't". And with that, she left.

"Onii-san, I backed this with Miss Wang. Why don't you bring this to practice? You are all working really hard lately, and you deserve a treat," I proposed to him. "That's very sweet, Y/N! I will bring it to the boys and tell them it was a treat from you." he gave me a side hug. "You didn't cut pineapples in a star shape," he was dumbfounded. "Oh, you knew I did when I told you I baked something. You know stars are my trademark!" I laughed at him, proudly showing him how beautifully shaped the slices of pineapple were, sitting on top of the cake. "You are right, I could've imagined".

During dinner, we talked about university, and all of his projects until our parents facetimed us. We quickly cleared the table and sat in front of my laptop, updating our parents on everything. After a while, Fuma left to go to the studio and meet up with his group, and my dad left to go to work for his night shift, leaving my mother and me talking about her favourite thing to bug me about since middle school: crushes. Luckily, it was just the two of you. If Fuma was there, he wouldn't have left me alone until I revealed Maki's name. When my brother came back home, pretty late, he told me that all of his groupmates appreciated the cake and praised my skills.

"The triplets loved it and went in for a second piece," he explained, and I felt my cheeks warming up at the compliments. 'Maybe Miss Wang is right, and Maki wasn't just interested in having one in that moment,' I thought, slipping into my bed.

Before going to sleep, I took the list I was hiding under my pillow, and thought about the second tip on the list, 'get involved in some of the same school activities', and started planning. I was already aiming to get into the art club, but Jo told me that students often join more than one club. I needed to find out Maki's interests to join the same club.

Then I looked at this step of 'subtle way of flirting', knowing damn well it will be a complete mess like the smiling one. "Keep the approach and first conversations light and playful, and give compliments." I read out, whispering so as not to let Fuma hear through the thin walls of our apartment.

"How am I supposed to keep a nonexistent conversation light and playful and to compliment him when I don't even know how to talk to him without stumbling in my own words?" I asked myself, defeated.

Sota was rude, but not wrong, and I'm truly a lost cause. I'm doomed, totally.