Be My Heroin?

• it’s PAINFUL being kicked from the inside

• you will waddle

• people treat you like you are ill/require their help and it will annoy you

• when people don’t give you special treatment/don’t help you, it will annoy you

• everything is annoying

• you always need to pee. Even when you don’t, you feel like you do

• sleep isn’t a thing any more

• you will need to buy more pillows for your bed so you can create an epic pillow fortress surrounding you in an effort to create some measly degree of comfort

• but the pillows will annoy you

• lightening crotch (exactly as it sounds - a lightening bolt of pain in your vagina) becomes more frequent and more painful and nobody ever warns you about it

• every day that you are not in labour is annoying and you will complain and verbalise your frustrations. A lot.

• you forget what it feels like to be a normal, rational, able bodied, human being. You dream of moving freely, being able to bend and stand up without making old person noises

• you forget what your vagina looks like and look forward to the day you see it again

• breathing is hard work sometimes

• you are afraid of everything: the fourth trimester, labour, waters breaking in awkward places, not realising you are in labour, how to look after a baby, are you prepared enough, what will your vagina actually look like afterwards?