In Other Words: Skewed Takes on Internet Headlines

Spoiler: It's gonna be called "The Quran"

He's with his girlfriend, Carmen San Diego & his best friend, Waldo (who sometimes goes under the alias "Wally").

...and John Kerry seems to think that he can capture Snowden by using Carol Burnett's secret signal, indicating deep, familial love.

1) It means the chickens won't have to hide files in their cakes.

2) Free... Chicken Mandela

3) If Mandela got to walk out of prison, why not chickens?

4) I want my eggs free range, not locked up in a cage. Caged eggs spend all day doing push ups just to toughen up their shells, makes em harder to crack.

5) What the Senate didn't say is that the immigration bill refers to the standard length of chicken beaks (or "Bills") in foreign poultry coming into the US, cage free means they can have longer peckers.

Aww, Obama sad sad cause Fox News poll.

If we aren't alone, I hope they know to hide from us: on this one news page,  we're proving that we can't get equal rights, women's health, government transparency, or international relations (eg, "terrorists") right as a species.

Not sure being trapped on a runaway iceberg is a retirement dream.

Unless you remember the whiskey...

It's times like these that makes me appreciate the fact that neither I nor any of my female relatives reside in the idiot state of Texas any longer.

Denial?

Shock?

Hungry?

The state where a little girl is eating a rolled up 8.5x11 piece of paper?

Gas? (wait, no, most kids are 99% this & they seem to relish passing it)