YOU donāt have to be perfect to be loved. but I do
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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YOU donāt have to be perfect to be loved. but I do

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If only, for a little while
I didnāt have to be strong.
I could cry without worrying
About packaging all the hurt
back up into a neat little box
that I can slide into the corner
labeled āfor later,ā hoping
ālaterā never comes, knowing
it will.
Much too soon.
itās fucking wild because one day youāre like i guess iām not dying tragically young and you go to the store and you buy dental floss, ingredients for soup, and a bath mat
āI donāt think that I accepted that I wasnāt gonna die young until I was 26 or 27. I really donāt think I fullyā¦when I was 14, 15, 16, 17āI mean I knew as sure as I know that I am wearing green shoes that I was going to die before much happened. It was a certainty for me. And I had shaken off the directly suicidal urge by the time I was 21 or 22, but I still was pretty sure I was going to die pretty young, it really felt like an inevitability. It takes a long time to realize no, youāve changedā¦if you shared those feelings with people at some point you go, āwell, I guess weāre going to stick around.ā And itās a funky thing to admit because thereās a part of your inner younger self that kind of judges you for that.ā
John Darnielle fucking me up with the single most relatable thing heās ever said
Regardless of what you think about generative AI in general, NaNoWriMo allowing AI-generated works is beyond stupid because that completely defeats the purpose of the challenge, which is for you, a human being, to write 50,000 words in a month. Yeah, that's hard. That's why it's a challenge. Where is the challenge when you can ask a chatbot to spit out 50,000 words of whatthefuckever for you? Even if you think that is a legitimate way to produce fiction, even if you don't care about the ethics of training on stolen works... where's the challenge? What's left of NaNo at that point?

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These are the moments 16 year old me hoped for when she chose not to kill herself.
what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting
Itās crazy how real this is
I'm still not as old as you were then And 19-year-olds are just little kids.
Youāve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.
Draw a boundary in my head, let you push it back instead. I will never find the balance of loving you at a distance. Beat me, bruise me, cut me, kill me, as long as it makes you happy. Tell me every way I failed you like your honesty's a virtue. Oblivious to subtlety, just come right out and stab me. Nothing's ever out of bounds if it's spoken from your mouth.
But god forbid I cut the ties and risk imagining you cry.

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You know that eventuallyĀ the memories become the Good Olā Days. And you forget how sad you were back then. You remember how alive you felt at that concert in that car during that drunken trip to the grocery store.Ā But I also want you to know that your best days arenāt all behind you.Ā Youāre still making memories, and someday youāll look back on this year, And want to feel like this again.Ā
My parents are selling my childhood home and tbh good riddance I donāt need a reminder of all the shit I went through as a teenager.
30 Day Blog Challenge- Day Two
Where youād like to be in ten years.
In ten years, Iāll be 26. Hopefully graduated from college with a degree in English. Iām not quite sure what I want to do as a career, but I would absolutely love it if I could just stay home and write. And somehow manage to make money off that. I also hope to be married by then, maybe to my current boyfriend. I feel like that would just be so cute to marry him after we started dating so young. I donāt think I would want kids quite yet. On more of a psychological level, I hope to not struggle with my eating habits and body image by that point. I hope to have recovered from any kind of self-harm and self-hate and be an inspiration to others who are where I am now, where I have been for the past 4+ years. So all-in-all, in ten years I hope to be in a better place, in the place Iāve always imagined for myself. Maybe living in a cute little apartment in the downtown area of a smallish town. Happy.Ā
This came up on my Timehop today. Guess that means itās time for a little life update, as itās been exactly 10 years since I posted this. Wow Iāve had this blog forever š
Iām 26. Graduated from college with a degree in both Creative Writing and Business Communication. I work part time as a copywriter for a digital media/advertising company. Still trying to figure out how to make money with my fiction, but thatās okay. At least Iām still working at it.
Iām married. Not to the guy I was dating then, but is it really a realistic dream to marry your high school sweetheart? He moved away for college and it was a natural end to our relationship. I met my husband my junior year of college. And weāre expecting our first kid in less than 2 months ā¤ļø
I think my mental health struggles will always be with me to some extent, but Iām on medication now and itās amazing what the right treatment can do. I think Iāve had the opportunity to help out a lot of people who have struggled like me, and Iām proud Iāve used my experiences in that way.
I never post on this blog anymore, but this felt like a unique opportunity to see how my life progressed based on goals of 16-year-old me.
And I damn sure never wouldāve danced with the devil at nineteen And the Godās honest truth is that the pain was heaven
Almost a week late on this but Iāve been doing it for like 7 years so can I stop now?Ā
I was going to write a bunch here about how shit 2021 was, but good vibes only in 2022 soĀ āØ

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when mary oliver saidĀ āso this is the world. iām not in it. it is beautifulā andĀ āi wanted to know, whoever i was, i was alive for a little whileā andĀ āmostly, i want to be kindā andĀ āi want to say all my life i was a bride married to amazementā andĀ āyou only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it lovesā andĀ āsomeday weāll live in the skyā andĀ āi want to love this world as thought itās the last chance Iām ever going to get to be aliveā andĀ āhave you too finally figured out what beauty is for? and have you changed your life?ā
I know the 7 years thing is a cliche at this point but Iād be lying if I said I didnāt think about it constantly