semi-hiatus

     although far from his favorite season, spring made for beautiful shots. nolan walked along the small park’s dirt path that was still damp from the night’s rain. he generously took different shots, putting his new roll of film to good use. it was still early in the morning, the sun just beginning to peek between gray clouds. 

slowing his pace once he reached a bridge that looked over a small body of water, he nodded toward the person overlooking the bridge next to him. nolan had only been to this park a handful of times before but had never seen anyone else while he was here, something he contributed to the time of day he liked to come. he snapped a photo of clouds reflecting the water, the sound of his camera’s shutter the only noise that filled the air. 

the male turned on a heel, intending to continue his walk before he stopped. nolan had an innate ability to see a shot before he took it. it was one of his greatest talents and his best way to avoid wasting film. the person in front of him was creating the perfect shot, yet completely unaware. nolan hesitated, then cleared his throat to capture their attention. “ excuse me? ” nolan waited until they turned around, then gestured toward the camera that hung near his chest by its strap. “ do you mind if i - ? i know it’s probably strange  — please don’t feel obligated. ” 

some words and phrases, no matter how scary or horrible they may seem, provide relief through connotation, double meaning, or tone. ‘you’re such an idiot’ can either roll off the tongue or cut to the bone. to aiden’s dismay, terminal is not one of those words. it’s cut and dry and it needs no further explanation. it tears right through him anytime someone utters it, and his sisters face always emerges in his head. 

aiden takes advantage of the months left by eating breakfast with her every morning just like they used to when he was still in grade school. sometimes the conversation is small between them, but he has big news today. although half the city witnessed his and brooke’s explosive argument on the busy sidewalks the day before, sadie was still one of the few who hadn’t heard that she’d come back to town.

sadie and brooke were kindred spirits in one of the worst ways for aiden’s sake  — nothing was more interesting or more enjoyable for them than making fun of every move he made. as expected, her eyes lit up and she was hungry with questions, which he answered venomously, still angry even after it was over and done with. her questions were endless; ranging from did she cut her hair again? did she call you asshole casserole? how hard did she cry? no, she wouldn’t cry. how hard did you cry? her last questions, however, tore through aiden again in that old familiar way. why didn’t she at least tell me goodbye? can i see her now that you have?

hello chiltren . a bitch has been MIA! i was on semi-hiatus for a while and then just ditched because everything in my personal life became SO overwhelming.  i don’t want to go in to deep specifics but i lost a family member, moved and have been in the worst throes of depression/anxiety that i probably ever have been for the past 2-3 months ? anywhomst, i’ve just been spiraling lately and i continuously feel like there’s no reprieve for a lot of my stress/anxieties and i know this platform is absolute garbage and toxic if you know the wrong people but i genuinely enjoy the escape and the opportunity to be so creative with such little boundary (at least in my case, lmao). my activity will most likely stay spotty as always but *clasps hands* i’m here aren’t i????? 

“because this whole thing is selfish and stupid and doesn’t make any sense.” his tone was matter-of-fact, gaze still refusing to meet hers. “besides, one day you’re gonna get tired of all of this, an’ it won’t be exciting for you. you’ll get older, move to the suburbs or whatever, and this’ll all be some bullshit story about how you took a walk on the wild side once. this inherently won’t work. we’re just wastin’ time.” he didn’t entirely believe what he was saying, but his voice never wavered, didn’t give him away in even the slightest. sometimes he thought he could make this work, that he wouldn’t always be boxing, wouldn’t always be running guns — but with the sons he couldn’t promise that, and this was his family, if given the choice between them and her he had to pick them, right? even though no one was making him pick, it seemed like the logical thing to do. keeping her safe and keeping his family meant keeping his distance. maybe disappearing altogether.