intoxikated

I can’t tell if the good times are better than the bad. Why is it that at some points everything is easy and then at others it’s hard l. I don’t understand.

My phone buzzes. I pick it up. I check to see if it’s you. It isn’t. I put it down.

The worst feeling in the world is realizing you are no longer someone’s favorite person anymore but a mere afterthought.

It used to annoy me when people had it so easy. You had a good childhood well fuck off. You’re well off and have connections well good for you. I don’t have connections and I sure as hell didn’t have a good childhood, but I realized over time that me being where I was without help, without an easy life just showed how awesome I really am. I got to where I am not only by myself but also having to deal and cope with issues that started when I was in seventh grade and have followed me through high school. Not only did I get As in my classes but I got As in my classes by studying at someone else’s house because my mom was in rehab. I am not weak. I am strong. I am not dependent on anyone else but myself. I used to one up people on issues they’ve faced. But I’ve realized that I wouldn’t change anything. All the problems I have faced have shaped me into the person I am. And I love who I am.

Change scares me okay. The unknown scares me. How do I know that it will be okay? How do I know how to act if I’ve never seen it before. I like the familiar. In fact, I love it. It’s not scary. It’s not uncomfortable. I’m used to it. That’s the issue. I don’t know how to get over it I guess.

lower your expectations so when people disappoint you, you expect it.