im permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, I’m chill

But when, oh tell me, when will I finally be able to say goodbye? We used to say "I'm glad that I met you and I'll do everything to keep this friendship alive." but can you please tell me, since when exactly do we say "it was good to know you." We used to talk all the time, about everything and nothing. You made me laugh and I was happy and I thought I was able to do the same for you. Over time we grew so close, closer and closer with every word we've spoken, with every time we talked. But now there's only silence. I tried to talk to you but you don't make an effort to keep it going. I start the conversations but it never changes. You read my messages but don't answer, sometimes you don't even read them for hours but I can see that you're online, I'm checking because I want to know how you are, if you are okay and safe. What once used to be filled with laughing and talking and joking around is now filled with silence, ignoring and now answering. When I told you that I miss how it used to be you said "I want to talk to you, bit there's nothing to talk about." and it hurt me. We used to talk about so many stupid things, but how is it possible that there's nothing to talk about, when we could still talk about the same things? I can think of a thousand thinks we could talk about. Is it the reason we got to know each other, a TV show, so many times you said you wanted to hang out with me but never asked again. And I'm tired of being the only one who keeps sending you these messages "Hey, how're you doing?" without getting a real answer anyways. I guess we have to live with it, there is no going back. We have to accept the fact that it was temporary, not meant to be. We're to different to become anything. And you kept telling me "Everything is possible" and the only question I keep asking myself is "is it worth it to wait or could I be so much happier?". Our opinions change and change and drift even more apart and if we talk about more serious things I feel like I'm wrong because I don't see the things like you do. But when, oh tell me, when will I finally be able to say goodbye?

Now I can