imagine growing old

& yet here we are!!!!!!

(post i'm about to make is about somebody who follows my other blog - swampyentrails - hence my turning to this blog)

there's a boy at my school w whom i've become v good friends

he's incredibly easy to talk to/i feel v comfortable w him he's tall & lanky & has longish brown hair & is a literature major & is sweet & funny & & intelligent generally pretty wonderful

& i've started to develop (strong? hahaha...:\) feelings for him & i found out recently that he reciprocates(d?) those feelings, but doesn't like to make the first move (has never made the first move) 

so the other night (saturday, specifically) i decided to be open w him (i.e., i told him that i like him) & he told me that he returned those sentiments but that he's in an open relationship & wanted to be sure that i'm ok with it

i realized later that i am not quite ok w it & i wasn't really at the time either (was kind of shocked / slightly disappointed / etc) but also i rly like him & wanted to hook up so i told him i was fine w it & we went back to his room etc & things seemed to be going well but then he started to feel guilty (i am first person he's been w since he got into this relationship - which has always been open) etc even though the open relationship was his idea & he actually was reluctant to get into the relationship in the first place (still he cares about this girl & she wanted this & so eventually he agreed /// at first he'd suggested polyamory but she shot that down) 

& a lot has happened that i can get into later

but rly quickly (i'd write this on the other blog but the boy i'm about to write about follows said main blog s o ....)

this boy just liked my profile picture but i'm worried that he only did it bc i was just talking to him about how i get worried / concerned  etc about # of fb likes i receive even though i shouldn't & it's bad that i do etc & he was like "no but it's a real thing i get it" & so now i'm worried that he doesn't actually like the picture or wasn't going to & just did it bc of that conversation!!!!!

i'm not even sure if i want to do this or not

//

approx 85% chance that he lost his job today....

he's always v stressed out about money bc he comes from v v v poor income (as in, he's a year older than i am & has yet to go to college bc he can't afford it)

 losing job = even less money = even more stress

he doesn't even rly like the band

wasn't feeling at all well

i told him we could stay in town (wa sbeautiful day / we could walk around, etc., i'd be fine)

he insisted on going into city & going to concert (even tho he did not want to go to concert & would have miserable there) 

we went to city

got dinner

he felt a bit better

we got to concert venue

he felt awful again

we took bus back home (hr long ride)

didn't go to concert :\\\\\\

hooked up / gave a blowjob in the back of a pool hall tonight..........

we hung out w/ the girl thru whom i met very very very slightly boy maybe (boy) (((the one who he also happened to hook up w/ a few times last yearish))) & i feel like she looks like me only prettier (w/ makeup & i'm sure w/ out) & w/ better/large(r) boobs (which is something i kno very very very slightly boy maybe likes) & she's more outgoing than i am & i did a lot of comparing, which was definitely v unhealthy :\\ & was p jealous (also unhealthy) 

very very very slightly boy maybe caught on to insecurity / jealousy so we went outside & i sort of admitted that i was jealous of her to him (i want to say that it's bc i was slightly drunk but idk idk) bc of this, this & this etc & he told met hat i had no reason to be jealous & they'r ereally just friends & he's just not attracted to her anymore & it's weird how it works that way but it does & sure she has bigger boobs but that doesn't matter & he told me i was the prettiest / most beautiful girl at the pool hall & i want to believe him BUT

she was wearing a v tight revealing tank top (both chest & stomach -- which i feel like is nicer than mine IDK) & i feel like he was looking at that maybe yeah?