Inspired Greatness

This past weekend, the unthinkable happened and we lost an incredible friend, and our dear friend lost the love of her life. I cannot believe it is true, even as I am typing this.

There is no way to change that fact, and there is no way to take away the pain for our friend. There is nothing that can stop my heart from breaking, there is nothing that can minimize that great loss for her.

When someone you love is suffering from that unthinkable loss, and you can feel their pain and in fact you suffer with them, you can think there is nothing you can possibly say and so you don't.

But I've been trying to find the best way to help her through the hardest experience of her life. I want to bear the truth about her heartbreak because I want her to know she can be truthful about how hard it is and that I am there with her.

I feel I am learning anew from my own experience I had after my accident, and the isolation I felt from people afraid to talk to me about the reality and the pain I was going through.

No, it is not the same as losing the love of your life, but people were afraid to talk to me about it and I at first felt afraid to talk to her.

And I get it, because there is nothing you can say or do to take away the pain. But I don't want her to feel she must censor herself because she is afraid to upset us with the gravity of her loss. I don't want her to feel she must pretend to be better than she is, to protect us.

Both Mike and I are very acutely aware of how immense this tragedy really is because we share a very special bond with them as a couple, and love them both tremendously.

Now, we are witness to her great strength in continuing to survive this nightmare and to live a life that has changed very much and will never be the same.

I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, but there is also nothing I can say to "remind" her of her great loss.

I would say before this weekend, I did what was done to me when I knew someone was suffering - tip toe around, afraid to upset someone by asking about their REAL experience when I knew they were truly struggling because I was afraid to say the thing to make it worse or make them crack and fall apart.

I knew better, but I didn't do better, because "real connection" made some people uncomfortable. I have conditioned myself to sugar coat and protect others from painful realities about life they would rather not admit.

There are few people in my life I have felt that "Real Connection" with.

The thing about Bella and Rami was being with them was always real, raw, pure connection. He had true presence. There was a magic about him that was rooted in how FULLY he lived every single moment of his life.

Feeling real grief these last few days makes me realize how important it is to BE THERE for others, most importantly to be there for them in the middle of that breakdown, in the very pit of the hardness that threatens to crush your soul.

I want my beautiful friend to know she is never alone, and I am doing whatever I actually can do, so she knows it and feels our support and love. I am doing what I can to live by his example of giving her all of our love and support to help her live through this unimaginable loss of a loving husband, and the beautiful life they created together.

The world will never be the same again. But we are so LUCKY to have known such an incredible real life rock star. He lived with such passion for life, for love, for wine! He was the BEST husband to Bella, to see him be a father with his kids was so special, to have his friendship was the best gift.

We shared truly magical times with Rami, and the truth is the most special moments of the last few years were shared with Bella and Rami. We will always remember him and keep his memory alive, and we will always feel the love we had with him and Bella. That love will never die and we will always share this special connection with her.

I've been reading and watching a lot of videos, and this one in particular can be very helpful to anyone who is struggling to find a way to support their friends going through the unthinkable.

Wouldn’t it be great if we were brave enough to answer honestly when someone asks “how are you?”

Life is hard, and sometimes life is shitty, even when you have every reason to feel great. If you don’t condition yourself with self care and rest, you will crack under the pressure. 

Our lives get faster as we age, time seems to speed up, and we’re no longer oblivious to our mortality. But it’s not even the existential doom awaiting us that plagues our hearts - it’s keeping up with the pace while maintaining the shields, and the walls, and all of the barriers we have put up to avoid pain and protect ourselves. 

And while we’re hustling, and getting ‘er done, while we’re kicking ass at life, and taking names, we’re unable to really appreciate our own awesomeness because we haven’t taken the time to tune in and ask ourselves honestly - “how am I, really?”

I feel like I want to get lost in the romance of stories, of fiction, living through epic tales of extraordinary adventure, sprinkled with magic, and passion, and a love that saves the world.

I get jealous when I read the author bio on a particularly juicy novel. I crave creation, and I want to feel the pulse of the erotic tension in heated moments of excitement that play out in my mind. I want to create a world that is more real than my own, but mostly a refuge in which I can control.

I get that much. 

A world of my own making, where all of my dreams and fantasies can become reality. A safe place because it’s imaginary. To write a story that transports you into a world of seductive strangers, majestic heroes, despicable villains, obnoxious pests, and other endearing characters that come to life in your mind. An epic saga with an inspiring protagonist and a destined love story.

I love stories. 

The irony is my ADD, my FOMO, whatever I choose to call is, is literally throwing everything else into my path before I can get there. Before I can be the Sexy Authoress.

But instead I sit and stew, and sulk over the problems I am making up in my head. Depression is a magnifier for all fears, and can give you permanent fight or flight response when any decision is a danger.

So I sit and wait. I make grand statements. I plan. I strategize.

I meticulously plot out my course of action.

Spreadsheets, charts, vision boards.

Then I remember, oh yes! I wanted to write.

Well, maybe I should just sit down and write.

What does it actually take to write a book?

How do I write a character? What are some of these ideas that are floating around in my head?

Instead: I research writing courses and begin a budget and enrolment plan. I schedule out my life leading up to said enrolment. I make sure to consider my 7 main categories (my ‘areas of improvement’) when planning my life to ensure that I have enough time set aside for a balanced approach. 

I OCD my route to nowhere and I spend all of my time planning and circling around action. 

I’m not mastering anything.

But I’m afraid. I’m barely holding it together.

It’s not a fear of being successful, or even terrible.

It’s my monkey mind on autopilot. It’s money pressures, and work pressures, and family pressures, and health pressures. It’s notifications, distractions, awkward social interactions. 

All of these anxieties and realities from a beautiful, rich, fully lived life get in the way of the simplicity of going after my dreams. 

How do you just do it, really?