Invalidation communicates that your thoughts, beliefs, values, or appearance are wrong or incorrect. When thinking of invalidation, it’s important to remember the possibility of it being dialectical: it can be both helpful and painful.
When is invalidation helpful?
When it corrects unfactual information and/or mistakes
When it opens your mind to other perspectives and boosts personal growth
When you’re being rejected or neglected
When something factual in your life is being denied or overlooked
When personal experience is trivialized or disregarded
When someone treats you as less than equal
When someone repeatedly misunderstands you
When someone misreads your intentions or misinterprets your actions
When you’re telling the truth and others don’t believe you
So, what do you do when you’re invalidated?
Validate yourself the same way you would validate a loved one.
Check the facts. Are your responses to the situation in line with the facts?
Check with someone else whom you can trust to validate the valid.
If your response doesn’t fit the facts, acknowledge this.
Also, acknowledge when your reactions make sense and are valid.
Work to change any invalid thinking patterns, actions, or statements.
Remember that blaming a person rarely helps and try to let go of blame.
Be compassionate towards yourself. Practice self-soothing.
Drop judgmental self-statements and practice opposite action.
Remember: all behavior is caused. Also, remember that you are doing the best that you can do at any given point in time.
Admit that it’s painful to be invalidated by others (even if it’s right).
Remember that being invalidated, while painful, is rarely a catastrophe.
Enter a supportive environment.
Grieve any traumatic invalidation and whatever harm may have resulted.
Practice radical acceptance of those who have invalidated you.
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