❝ hard to get a handle on this double edged sword - by mars .
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@inmind
❝ hard to get a handle on this double edged sword - by mars .

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anyone want to talk about mha with me RIGHT NOW
hi
her nervous fingers plucked at lint , a barely visible flaw on her sweater . she even gratuitously allows herself a moment to check her hair in her car’s window while she stands out front , plucking loose strands from her forehead and moving them aside . a sample of her sustained obsession and companion , compulsion . to say , i am what i control , and hold tightly to your body . lingering hands pull at the edge of her gloves , one thin barrier between her and the world and nothing in sight says ‘ do not touch ‘ .
❝ hello ? ❞ she enters the building , steadily adjusting her purse as she peers around . her tapping heels almost echoing as soon as she moves in , inclined to follow the faint sound of human activity to it’s source . she reaches into her purse , touching lightly the metal of a gun ---- just in case .
♥ . @svperposition . ` *
thesocietystan:

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❛ th - they … ❜ it’s a shudder whisper , fear becoming the constrictor. ❛ do you see them ? too ? ❜
❝ i don’t specialize in seeing through walls , do you ? ❞ the lower her head sinks the farther away she is .
@inmind : starter call.
❛ oh my , it must be happening soon. ❜
❝ they’ve already started ----- in the next room . ❞
“Let it be known: I did not fall from grace. I leapt to freedom.”
— Ansel Elkins, from “Autobiography of Eve” (via endless-unfolding)
ok yall headcanon but syd went to college to get a masters in political affairs and journalism to become a political journalist but also work as a speech writer for different campaigns in her activist years. she specializes in political criticism, so basically she just takes everything said by the government and tears it apart. and she becomes heavily involved with reporting and writing essays about the mutants rights movement which leads her to divide and concur while interviewing mutants and writing expose’s on them. im gonna write a formal headcanon someday SOON

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I WAS A VESSEL , A SHAPE SHIFTING BEAST , A LESSON IN FLUIDITY .
DAVID
he leads her to the door . it’s all danger , really . it’s always danger , when you’re still trying to get them ( all of them , the ridiculous little ) to calm down , not to take a chunk outta you in their spare time so they can hurl you all the way to china before you regain control ! there are a few in here that he knows would like to get their hands on a pretty pretty what is she ?! like this without hesitation . david , he won’t let them . ignores them . makes sure he’s got his guards up , just in case someone tries to move to the front . get in line !
luckily ( or unluckily , if that’s how you like to think ! ) , they go no farther . he whirls on his feet to face her . ❝ you said you wanna experience the &#*@ that’s my life ? fine . but you need to know it won’t be easy . the x - men have it out for me any time o’ day . they might be back , and they’re gonna bite you too , if that’s the case . ❞ he narrows his eyes and leans against the doorframe . ❝ you ready , sweetheart ? you can back out , any time . ❞
things narrow into focus , the x-men already dislike her after her scathing article against xavier’s and his business of child endangerment , not that she really cared about mutant kids , but the article was a hit and a payday . she’d tangled with the x-men a few times before , if they have a psychic she's as good as dead , if not , she’s got a good chance of getting out clean . that’s not counting whatever ( quote , unquote ) ‘ crazy shit ‘ he’s apparently got in store .
c’mon , you can look in her eyes , do you really see a woman who backs down from danger ? just a spark of ‘ i’ll fucking do it ‘ reads louder than the supercilious smile in response to his proposition . she scoffs lightly before coming back to focus on him , eyes narrow . this could really be a trap though , couldn’t it ? curiosity kills cats , mother says . oh , but satisfaction . . . ❝ safe word is uncle then . let’s see some magic , david haller . ❞ good job , sydney for challenging the god of mutants .
I FELT NATURE HOLD TIGHTLY ON TO MY WRIST AND WHILE IT CARESSED MY CHEEK , I CRIED INTO THE PALM OF THE EARTH .
she used to dream of being dead . the worms would make every rotting flesh into a home , her skin would dissolve into nutrients for the soil , her heart would nurse the long roots of trees . nothing felt more like ascension that the prospect of death . what is all this in comparison . the mania of endless emotion , trying to balance on half a soul . the dreams of death were not rare , in fact they were persistent . so close , she could worship it as it surrounded her , choked her . GIVE ME SOMETHING , her mind and crumbling body screamed , ON YOUR KNEES FOR A PURPOSE , OR ANYTHING BUT THE DESPAIR OF EMPTINESS .
she screamed , cried , and when she saw herself in the mirror , looking away , she screamed again . only silencing after realizing how fruitless screams are in a place where no one but you and your enemies exist . -------------- is she meeting an enemy ? is that the ghost in the mirror , the solid shell of something trying to be you . taking from you what makes you unique and parading it as their own . DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE , SYDNEY BARRETT ? do you know what it is going to cost ?
she only wanted to feel love .
in the way where touching was not enough .
humans need touch .
maybe i’m not human , she thinks .
the ground was colder than the air . which seemed impossible . lots of things that seemed impossible , had become possible though . at least they did here . maybe impossible is just the incomprehensible and the more that is impossible the more one does not understand . ------------- maybe she’s just stupid . maybe that smart - ass attitude just isn’t enough .
her fingers digging into the gravel , latching onto handfuls of sharp rock and clawing herself towards freedom from the enemy at her feet . kicking and scratching at a thing that isn’t there , she’ll only go down fighting . she used to dream of being dead , but now her body was alive .
❝ okay, well i’ve been someplace else, and now i’m here. ❞
blood beats hard on her ear drums , the rush of adrenaline does not die easily , it makes her fingers twitch , her breath hurried . shock is soon replaced with anger , a burning hot rage similar in intensity as her love for him . two emotions walking together , intertwined , she’s never felt one without the other . someplace else … that’s where he’s been . not here or there , just someplace else . again with no words , no warning . fuck someplace else , and fuck him .
she had told him loudly , no breath and no periods , it’s not enough that they don’t talk anymore , he pounds a new nail into their casket . bones lying with each other , which ones are his and which are his ? it doesn’t matter anymore , they’ve become no one but each other . NOW HE’S HERE , BUT THAT ISN’T ENOUGH AND IT NEVER WOULD BE . she wonders if the love they had felt was ever even love , or was it two lost souls begging the universe for attachment , for feeling , for anything . and the universe with all it’s jokes and terrors threw them into the pit together and watched the tragedy unfold as patrons of the theater .
her teeth grit before she steps to him , where he is standing , never as vulnerable as he seems . looking at her face it’s not who she knew , not really . at least not who she told herself she knew . maybe it was there the whole time , but her denial kept her tongue in her cheek . [ were you ever who i wanted you to be ? or was my delusion the same as yours ? a dream of love . ]
❝ i want you to leave . ❞
You’re how you were. In the past, before. Sweet.

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‘it was supposed to be fun, and you ruined it.’ - Dvd
YOU ARE IN THE MAZE , sense takes on a new meaning , a forced perspective . she could only compare it to watching one hundred televisions all at once , each on a different channel . it was understandably overwhelming as color flashed violently across her face and onto the void beneath her . it wasn’t a floor she was standing on , but a memory of the two of them , of their beginning , of a smile on her face . she wills it gone and it disappears . this won’t be like last time , SHE IS IN CONTROL , THE MIND IS STRONGER THAN THE BODY . do not let the minotaur get you . she takes a step forward onto the nowhere ground , testing it’s stability . a deep breath , think clearly or lose yourself in the winding corridors of david’s mind . a hallway appears , it stretches far , taking many turns , with many doors . she wills herself forward .
she runs hurriedly through the winding halls , watching the numbers on the doors change and contort , some are not even numbers but words , and they are all out of order . her anxiety shifts , she stops in her tracks . a whisper of another presence tickles the hair on her arms , makes her shiver . she’s suddenly overtly aware that she is not alone here . her turn is slow , anticipating the worst . it must be just another something she’ll have to kill . at the end of the hall stands david . or some version of him . she was not unfamiliar to them , but to her they were all the same . the voices in david’s head , the influence behind his decrescendo . first thing she feels is anger , more correctly , rage . their fault , her own voice ringing in her head , accompanied by her vibrating skin and dwindling patience . YOU ARE IN CONTROL .
her eyes close tightly for a moment as to focus her thoughts , to will him away , to pacify him the same way she had david just moments before . yet he stayed , unmoving . ❝ whatever you’re planning to do , you should know this is already over . ❞ it’s not as confident as it should be , a poor bluff on her part . she reminds herself that he’s powerless against her , but somehow that’s not reassuring . somehow it doesn’t feel quite right .
it was no stranger than the heart beating in her chest , her commitment to a cause she believed in . sydney has fallen in love with ideas before , devoted herself to them , and died for them . now she’ll die for another . the endless cycle of creation and destruction , it always ends the same . even with the pure intention of rebellion , the dream of a better tomorrow for mutants , the fight to free themselves from prosecution . the avengers never seemed to understand this . they had become a bad taste in her mouth. --- there are sides to choose .
she’d seen her once before at an event she had slithered her way into under the guise of a face that wasn’t hers . in truth , she’s not what syd imagined aliens to look like . tall blondes who pack a punch . a face just similar enough to hers putting her height aside . resemblance aside they had nothing in common . nobody knew sydney , it was the nature of her curse , but everyone knows captain marvel . she sighs , sitting neatly in the lobby of the avengers building waiting for her interviewee to arrive . almost hoping that she gets stood up and doesn’t have to kiss avenger ass like she’d been assigned to . however , she couldn’t deny her curiosity about the woman . what does she think ? how does she feel ? does her body run cold or warm ? would an alien feel differently ? odd questions for anyone who hasn’t worn a person like a suit .
♥ . @dinopunching . ` *