heavy is the crown

the lack of conversation for a beat was expected though it gives sutton very little to do when the only thing around to distract her was the crackling fire and her fingers picking away at each other. it got so bad that she forced herself to just lock her digits together to rest at her front, her eyes intently staring into the fire to will back the bile that threatens to come up her throat. "you can't say that." it doesn't come out bitterly as her words suggest. in fact, they're quite somber. despondent. sutton is sad for theo. "you can't say there's nobody else out there for you when you haven't even given yourself the chance to try. what if i'm just some shiny thing that just happens to be different from all of the other guys you've been with? what if this is all just some fleeting thing because all of those assholes don't know how to treat a woman with respect?" i need to be with someone who can be with me, entirely. it's all that she can do to repeat it to herself, over and over.

he won't redirect the blame onto himself due to 'lack of attention'; bash actually thinks he heard her loud and clear. dating would be the more extreme case, of course, but why else would she be so peeved seeing him with someone else? if it were just sex, fuji wouldn't care... right? "what?" the words falls out without even thinking, the rest of his words caught deep in his throat. eyes drop down to where her hand touches the lapel of his jacket, only to slowly lift up to meet her cold gaze once again. it irks him, the way she's able to lure him in like this, a forbidden fruit that he's had the honor of tasting time and time again but god, was he really going to be jerked around like this al the time? "so you admit it?" he asks just above a whisper. "you don't want anyone else touching me but you. why? because it fuels your ego? i'm hardly anyone special. there's a bunch of other people in the world who could give you the same damn thing. so what is it? why?"

"i'm not nice to everyone..." maybe that's not strictly true but noemia does have enough of a backbone to not be nice to someone who isn't nice to her. not that she's going to be mean, she'll just avoid them. "i only did that 'cause i didn't want to make things weird. like, i don't know, imagine we did have sex and then things still ended up the way that they did. do you really think that wouldn't be so much worse than how it's been?"

"sex is sex! you've never just boned someone and moved on??" strange choice of words but even someone as nice as her would have her urges, sate them, and then pretend like nothing ever happened. caelum, of all people, knows it well enough and though he's got plenty of feelings for her still, he's confident he could've easily separated them out from sex. "i don't know. the way i see it, you would've had yours and can add a tally to all the good things that happened."

"you did!" bella gasps, "it's a good thing he's not here, we'd never hear the end of it..." there are small mercies in the world, apparently. only very small ones, though. "other rooms? come on, the bedrooms have to be the most important... or maybe the closets." though she can appreciate that ari is trying to be a little bet sentimental and so she flashes her a smile, "the cooking too, of course."

trust caelum to have supersonic hearing from miles away or something. nothing would surprise her less than if he were to suddenly bring it up to them one day as a teasing gesture, only to find them like deer in headlights since he was never supposed to 'know'. "okay well then we can stick to the bedroom, sure. the rest of the house can be like shit and we can just get delivery all the time," she replies all too sweetly, that saccharine smile worthy of one hundred sarcastic suns. "no, no. we won't go down the sappy route. totally get it."

“you got me ice-cream, that’s going to keep me sweet for at least a little while…” noemia muses, pursing her lips at the mention of their less than pleasant conversations. she really doesn’t want to get stuck on it. she’s never been good at dealing with things when they get difficult; hence why it was easier to walk away from the situation in the first place! “i mean — i liked you. was that not at least a little bit obvious?”

caelum better stay on her good side while that effect is still active. he can practically see the video game timer floating above her head now that's gone ahead and made her little joke. "i... yeah, i think so. but you're nice to everyone so sometimes it's hard to gauge. plus, you rejected nearly all of my sexual advances. really wounded my pride," he sighs dramatically, a hand coming over to clutch the spot of his chest over his heart.

“did you just call caelum smart?” that’s enough to have bella looking at her girlfriend like she’s just sprouted an additional head. granted, caelum clearly isn’t stupid since he’s passing college however it’s not like ari to dish out compliments. even unintentional ones. “i’m supposed to have multiple?! well, this just means i’ve got so much more to think about! besides, they can’t all be my ideas. i’ll let you pick one. since i’m so nice.”

"did i?" now she's staring as if she'd just looked at herself in the mirror and sprouted an additional head. clearly there's enough regret there that she doesn't need to say it aloud but credit where credit is due, whenever caelum was ever with noemia, he seemed to treat her well (enough). teasing aside, of course, since that's the nature of their group. "of course you're supposed to have multiple! you can't just think about the bed and nothing else! there are other rooms in the house. we have to have a really nice kitchen for the both of us to patter around in. i enjoy cooking breakfast with you. that's, like, my favorite activity ever."

ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS | EP 5

"hm? i'm the one that asked you to hang out, 'course not." however given that she's the one who feels as if she's made the situation awkward, noemia couldn't help but ask. perhaps this is a reminder that she ought to just keep her mouth shut when it comes to anything that might suggest to caelum that she doesn't want to be around him.

"well yeah but you could've grown sick of me in the past..." lifting a hand, he glances down at his watch to 'glance' at the time, clearly not registering it, "hour. we've had about ten different conversations since, not all of them the happiest." but that doesn't mean he's so distressed and distraught that they can't turn it around. if anything, he appreciates the honesty first and foremost, so much so that he continues to walk them in the opposite direction of their hotel. "now that we're alone... can i ask you something? how did you feel about me? back then?"

“sure we did! it’s not like we’re all going to be together and they’re not going to talk.” granted, they could’ve very well kept it in a group setting but where would the honest conversation be in that? though, she supposes depending how awkward it is maybe that would be preferable. couldn’t be that awkward if they were alone now, though! “i can’t tell you more, we haven’t bought it yet! besides, we’ll have several. obviously. one for all the houses.”

"pretty sure they're smart enough to navigate conversations around them so that they aren't stuck with just each other. i wonder who asked who to go out." ari is aware enough to know that both of the girls were being too nosey for their own good but if they're going to expose themselves on find my then surely they know of the consequences that come with! "oh right, yes, our many vacation homes. you're supposed to have multiple fantasies, not just one! that's why they're fantasies - the whole point is that we've not bought them yet."

“i don’t know, it’s ice-cream! just because it was edible that doesn’t make it good…” what would be the alternative? standing with it until it dripped down his hand? “not done with me yet?” even if she had reached out to caelum to hang out, it’s not like noemia really expected him to entertain her all even. also, given the vaguely sour turn things had taken she definitely wouldn’t expect him to want to hang around.

"no." it does beg a good question though, one that has him pausing in his tracks to look back at her with arm still extended out and noemia in tow. "are you done with me yet?" there's no point in continuing the night if she doesn't find it's worth doing so, and even though he was the one to bring up all of the sad things over the last few months, there's not really a better way to move forward than to push right past it... right?

“we should’ve bugged him… in anticipation of the two of them having a conversation this weekend.” granted, bella knows neither she or ari really have those sort of skills or interests. and perhaps there is such a thing as being too involved in their friend’s lives. “i think you do, actually! you love to bring it up so much. also — no. our martial bed will be much nicer than this.”

"did we know they were going to have conversations one-on-one this weekend...?" because she sure as hell didn't. this entire thing had been a crapshoot from the beginning and after several months of not engaging with anyone directly, ari can't imagine caelum being prepped at all for this sort of thing. "oh really??" her attention is now latched onto something else entirely, a happy looking future with the girl laying beneath her. "tell me more."

“i don’t.” she admits with a faint smile — it is almost creepy how well he knows her and can guess her moods now, but maybe that is a kind of telepathy that comes with being in a steady relationship. she hasn’t eaten much all day, if she has to be honest, but her cortisol has kept her head held high and her composure intact — until she is finally granted solitude when she reaches her own apartment, away from the source of her panic and resurfacing trauma. “but i don’t want to starve you, either.” the sight of his suit is enough to remind her of their original plans before she cancelled them. maybe there is still a part of her that doesn’t know how to sit with her sadness, and would rather hop onto immediate distractions instead. “aren’t you just the slightest bit disappointed that our date night is ruined?” she asks. she already knows his answer, him being such a patient, loving boyfriend that she isn’t sure if she deserves entirely. “i’ll make it up to you, i promise.” she entwines his hand with hers, before bringing it to her lips to kiss the back of his hand gently.

"i can curb my hunger for a little bit longer. push comes to shove, i'm sure you've got something in the pantry i can whip up," either for just himself or for the both of them should her appetite come back. her stock has only increased since they started dating, shifting her lifestyle ever so slightly closer towards her home so that she's able to enjoy a few home-cooked meals. sure, they might not be better than eating a nice meal out but they can at least do so in the comfort of their loungewear. "i don't know that disappointed is the word. besides, plans change and the moment you opened the door, i knew that this was more important. anniversaries don't have to be celebrated on the day, especially since every day should feel like it's something to be celebrated." his smile is warm, small, before it disappears entirely behind a kiss to her forehead. if anyone were to ask, celebrating their relationship on the daily is quite easily the simplest thing on his agenda.

tamsin quinn and minjeong seo / @inkshadow

“… why not?” of course, the classic puppy-eyes look remains fixed on anna's features, now that she knows it works decently well. it is likely only a matter of time until ari finally capitulates to her weekend invitation. “i’ve already asked ariel and the others to join me for a weekend,” she mentions her other friend group with a bright, easy smile, but the casual tone doesn’t negate the quiet fact that she desperately wants to spend more one-on-one time with ari, too. they have been spending an absurd amount of time together prior to the start of the stressful exam period; there is just something inherently magnetic about ari that draws her in, leaving anna reaching for her phone to text her a little too often. “well, you don’t have to give me an answer right away — but promise me you’ll at least think about it, okay?” she adds with a fainter, softer smile, hopeful but fiercely protective of making sure ari doesn't feel pressured. “we can go kayaking or camping nearby, too. it’ll be a nice little trip to recharge before the new semester starts all over again.”

"and they said no? or is this going to be a massive girl party?" her words are distinct enough through the chewing of her snack, one that she hovels down way too quickly for her own liking and nearly goes for another one before deciding it's probably best to take a few slow sips of smoothie beforehand. "i'll.... think about it," she finally manages out slowly, running the remaining summer schedule through her head. without seeing everything in front of her, it'll be hard to give her a final yes or no. "i really wouldn't worry about waiting on my response though if someone else is interested," she urges as well, worried that all of the time they've spent together will likely cause anna to grow annoyed of her more than anything. "you'll also have to teach me how to kayak because i'm not super well-versed in anything camp-related. i can swim so it's not like i'll drown but i don't have the best motor skills for anything that doesn't involve a stringed instrument."