dreaming of spring

             her  lips  twitched  at  the  corners  as  she  tried  and  failed  to  hold  back  a  laugh  and  call  him  out  for  his  crude  joke.  but  it  was  funny,  and  it  wasn't  like  he  was  necessarily  wrong  about  any  of  it.  but  her  cheeks  still  flushed  and  she  shook  her  head  in  disapproval,  even  though  she  was  still  smiling.

“  awful,  awful  man…  ”  she  huffed,  teasing  him  in  response.

“  anyways  ,”  she  began  once  more,  still  shaking  her  head,  “  well,  i'd  like  some  answers  too,  s-so  a  little  bit  of  poking  and  prodding  is  fine…  i  guess,”  she  murmured,  smile  twisting  into  a  grimace.

she  had  so  many  questions  and  she  was  tired  of  questions.  she  wanted  answers.  was  she  really  a  clone?  who  was  she  a  clone  of?  was  raccoon  city  really  her  fault?  how  much  did  the  people  around  her  really  know?  was  she  immune  to  the  t-virus  and  it's  offshoots?  why  hadn't  she  turned  after  getting  bitten  at  the  hotel?  why  hadn't  she  turned  after  ingesting  copious  amounts  of  blood  in  that  insane  slaughter  house  at  rhodes  hill?  what  was  going  to  happen  to  her  now?  what  about  emily?  where  would  she  go?  what  would  happen  to  that  poor  little  girl?

the  grimace  morphed  into  a  frown.

“  d-do  you  think  they'll  be  out  soon?  ”  she  asked  softly,  looking  out  of  the  back  of  the  ambulance  where  they  sat,  towards  that  horrifying  building…  or  what  was  left  of  it  anyway. 

"soon  as  they  can  be."  with  a  full  team  and  all  the  resources  they  now  had  at  their  disposal,  carlos  had  little  worry  about  the  people  who  had  gone  inside.  emily  was  another  matter  entirely,  but  carlos  trusted  leon  kennedy's  word.  and  if  elpis  worked  for  her,  well…

just shine a little brighter, WON'T YOU?

the recognition flickered to life across his face, aware, suddenly, that she wasn't the kind of threat he needed to be aiming his gun at ( well, that he KNEW OF at least ). he's looking at her with the kind of shock that she imagined aligned well with how he knew her last. the umbrella researcher. well. that'd suit her better than FBI today, at least, her head cocking to the side as he answered with a laugh. "you want to take over this place? well. i've done the work of clearing what i could but... there's still a lot of what used to be civilians wondering around here. i don't know if this is the safe haven that you want it to be but..."

well. at least they could help each other out for now. "our goals probably align. you want to clear this place out? then fine. you probably want to make sure you're taking out what's happening underneath it too, if you want it secured." meaning the labs down below. it's easy to explain. umbrella was always building labs in odd places. "the company wasn't willing to let everyone part without at least securing the RESEARCH." a beat. who knew what he'd been hearing outside of here? "if something was in what we did to trigger this, there's a solution in the same research. we have to secure it." and ah ; he was always playing the hero, wasn't he? could he really tell her no?

"was more hoping to escape it, actually," he says with the faintest hint of annoyance. not at her—at who, really, he's not sure. their employer? the monsters outside? every individual who made the decisions that led to this breach of containment? but he lets himself close his eyes for a second before he tilts his head, looking at her again. as much as he wants to leave, wants to get out and go sleep for the next three days… he can't. not when he came here to save people and the best option for that is deeper within umbrella's labs. the only person he's found that still has the capacity to walk and talk to him is ada wong.

things happened quickly. it made sense that there hadn't been time to grab all of the necessary data before all hell broke loose. carlos isn't worried about that, exactly. "there's a chance it's way worse down there than it is here. we have no idea what other shit got out." the city was absolute chaos, but it was the sort of chaos carlos knew to manage. shoot first, ask questions later. clear a path forward. but he'd seen some of the creatures that lurked within the labs, had trained to fight some of them. the ones he's most worried about are the ones he hasn't seen.

"I think you're right, Chris never stopped believing in me, even as I was trying to kill him with my bare hands." She shook her head, because Chris Redfield was ridiculous sometimes, but he'd saved her life, even if she struggled to believe she deserved it.

She groaned dramatically at his swagger, "And here I thought I'd managed to ditch your cocky ass for good after RC. Lucky me," she groused in mock annoyance. But she grabbed one of his hands and gave it a squeeze, though she didn't let it go.

"You are good at what you do, I'm glad to see you're living in the real world again," her voice was as small as her smile. She knew how difficult of a decision he'd had to make in the aftermath of the outbreak, it was a miracle he'd evaded detection. But she'd missed him terribly, even if she understood why a distance came between them.

"I can't be trusted yet…" she said darkly.

She launched into a story she'd only told two other people, the only other people who deserved to know everything, and now Carlos. She told him of how Wesker saved her life only to use her body for experiments while she was in a com; farming her blood for antibodies. How she was the guinea pig for P30; showed him the scars healing on her chest from where the device was ripped off her. How she'd been controlled as easily as someone speaking their desires into existence, which became compulsions for her to obey. She glossed over the details of the horrible things she'd done, but told him enough for him to get the gist.

"I remember everything, Carlos. Everything I did. I was aware the whole time, but couldn't stop it, for years." So much of her life had been taken from her, and best estimates from the medical team projected a grueling recovery period. She was trapped here until she was "better," whatever that even meant. She flopped back against the bed, feeling too raw to say much else on the matter.

so he listened, watched as she showed him the horrors forced onto her body, scars that would probably stay with her for the rest of her life. and he wasn't stupid; there were mental ones, too. those would never go away completely even if she managed to recover from everything else. that was something carlos knew well enough from the few days spent in raccoon city during its demise. but to lose her body, all control of her actions? to remember what she'd been forced to do against her will? he had an idea of what that might be like, but it was one of those things no one would ever truly understand the depth of.

"you've never been fun company, valentine." his voice was playful, a grin playing at his lips. "always getting me to do weird shit and bossin' me around." it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. maybe their experiences together hadn't been carlos' definition of fun, but being around jill had always felt like a weight off of his shoulders. he could nip at her and she'd bite right back.

grace was momentarily stunned when he flicked her back on the forehead and she couldn't help the smile that cracked at her lips once she realized what had happened. she had done it to him first, it was only fair - and honestly, it was kind of funny and she had needed the pick me up.

part of her wasn't that surprised that he used to work for umbrella. a lot of people did after all, or had, back in the day. she doubted they had all been evil and known what they were signing up for. people just needed work, and umbrella had been good at scouting talent. it was one of the reasons they had gone so far for so long undetected. she still remembered her mother's papers and notes on them. remembered the court battles.

most people already knew umbrella was bad. but the extent... well, some of that had been hidden and swept away by the government. but not this time. she was going to follow in her mother's foot steps and bring as much to the light as she could. it was the least she could do for her part in all this mess. for her very existence.

" i hope so," she murmured, a little unsure she'd be able to get very far. as part of the fbi, she knew just how much shit got buried. but she would use every connection she had and do her best.

" i just hope to avoid getting poked and prodded," she added, half-joking.

“ No, but... does Gatorade work okay? I dunno about Red Bull. ” Manuela offers, holding up the blue flavored bottle. she's kind of an expert on passing out, at this point; when the U.S. government had first met her, they'd wanted her to see what the absolute limit of her powers was. which... was draining and tiring and she got lightheaded sometimes. a lot of times, actually. “ You're supposed to drink a lot of electrolytes after you faint. I know that this doesn't taste very good, but I think blue is the best flavor, so... hopefully it's okay? It has the Jill stamp of approval if that helps. She'd always bring me some whenever I felt lightheaded. ”

"stop  worryin',  i'll  be  fine."  though  the  thought  of  chris  finding  out  he  received  a  head  injury  and  didn't  get  it  checked…  well,  as  long  as  chris  never  finds  out  it  won't  be  a  problem.  she's  definitely  not  calling  chris,  right?  carlos  can  barely  think  through  the  pounding  of  his  head  though  even  as  manuela  speaks  to  him.  "watchin'  it  when  i  can.  not  much  time  in  this  biz  though,  so  i  haven't  been  able  to  keep  up."  if  there  was  one  thing  about  his  days  before  joining  the  BSAA,  it  was  that  he'd  been  able  to  do  things  like  catch  the  occasional  sporting  event.  "don't  think  she  is,  but  guess  i've  never  talked  to  her  about  it."

            “  if  anything,  a  stupid  dumb  mistake  should  worry  you  more  now  that  you  know  you're  going  to  live!!”  she  huffed  at  him,  flicking  him  in  the  forehead  like  she  was  speaking  to  a  particular  stupid  toddler.

and  perhaps  she  was.  perhaps  that's  just  what  all  men  were.  between  him  and  leon  she  was  going  to  have  a  heart  attack  about  how  little  these  twits  seemed  to  value  their  own  lives.  she  was  seriously  beginning  to  wonder  if  it  was  a  symptom  of  the  bullshit  they  had  contrived  from  raccoon  city.  could  stupidity  be  contagious?  she  was  starting  to  think  so.  and  it  came  in  the  form  of  the  t-virus.

that  stupid  cute  little  grin  of  his  was  not  going  to  smooth  things  over.  she  blew  a  hair  out  of  her  own  face  and  finished  washing  his  face  and  hair  up,  finally  tossing  the  gross  cloth  aside  and  sitting  back  down,  eyeing  him  up  and  down  with  stern  disapproval.

“  yaaay,  love  to  be  part  of  the  club,”  she  drawled  out  dryly,  not  looking  impressed  what  so  ever. 

it  was  one  club  she'd  be  more  than  happy  to  not  be  a  part  of  her.  her  mother  already  was  and  had  already  regaled  her  with  the  sorrowful  and  horrifying  tales  of  those  last  nights  of  raccoon  city.  she  didn't  want  to  be  part  of  it  even  more  now.  but  alas,  if  zeno  and  gideon  were  to  believe  -  that  whole  thing  was  her  fault  to  begin  with.  her  very  existence  had  caused  this  whole  nightmare.

carlos doubted he looked much better than when she had started wiping his face down, but he appreciated the thought nonetheless. he watched her face fall as something seemed to cross her mind and carlos was again left to wonder what he'd said to upset her. though it might not be entirely his fault considering everything she'd just been through. carlos certainly hadn't been in the best mood after his escape from raccoon city.

They'd grown close over those nights, a constant buzz in each other's ears through the radio, him building her up despite her constant sass. He'd swooped in a number of times when things with the Nemesis reached a breaking point—not to rescue her, but to support her. He'd even trusted her at the last moment when the worry had been clear in his eyes. She tapped some spare space on the bed next to her, though if she knew him, he'd probably resort to bringing over one of the chairs.

"So it was my ass specifically you were taking care of, eh, Oliveira?" she said with a small hint of her old bite. He was lying to her face about seeing her in a worse state, though it was kind for him to try. This was unequivocally the lowest she'd ever been in life, and she had a long road ahead of her.

At the mention of Chris' last name, Jill was briefly transported back, that same word, "Redfield" growled by Wesker, dripping with vitriol. It triggered another sharp compulsion to hunt, so familiar, yet definitively not her own. Her hands twisted in the sheets of the bed briefly as her breathing sped up. She knew it was just her body reacting to stress, trying to sort out her true feelings versus what had simply been an effect of the drug.

"Can we just go with 'Chris' for now? The last of the drug left my body days ago, but the memories are…fresh. It controlled me by replacing my own desires with someone else's, through suggestion" she said by way of explanation.

She hadn't pressured Carlos to join the BSAA the way she had really wanted to. She'd sent a few half-hearted missives but ultimately respected his desire to leave this whole mess behind. Why had he come back now? What had changed? It certainly couldn't have just been because Chris finally wheedled his way into the other man's ear.

"I wanted you here with me, you know," she said quietly. "But I didn't want to take away your opportunity to escape this life; look where it got me."

She paused for a moment and examined his new uniform, deeply familiar to her of course, but utterly foreign on him. She placed a hand on the BSAA emblem on his shoulder running her fingers along its raised edges.

he  watched  her  tense  and  furrowed  a  brow.  maybe  he  should  have  asked  for  more  details  before  visiting  her  just  in  case  he  said  something…  but  he  would  rather  hear  jill's  story  from  her,  not  a  report.  "…  yeah.  chris."  it  wasn't  weird  to  call  him  that,  necessarily,  but  it  was  weird  that  she  had  asked.  but  he'd  respect  her  wishes  all  the  same.  what  kind  of  effect  had  the  drug  had  on  her  that  the  mention  of  her  partner's  last  name  triggered  her?

carlos  was  silent  for  a  moment  as  she  spoke.  the  truth  of  the  matter  was  that  her  alleged  death  had  hit  him  harder  than  he'd  expected  anything  to  be  able  to  ever  again  after  those  nights  in  raccoon  city.  and  yeah,  she  was  fucked  up—but  she  was  alive.  that  had  to  mean  something.  it  did  to  him,  at  least.

he  cracked  another  grin.  "i  dunno,  the  green?  it's  okay.  say  what  you  will  about  umbrella,  but  red  on  black  is  always  a  good  look."  how  long  was  he  going  to  beat  around  the  bush?  he  stared  at  jill  and  decided  if  she  wasn't  going  to  talk  about  herself,  he  was  going  to  have  to.  "chris  told  me  when  you…  died."  he  didn't  know  what  other  word  to  use  for  it,  because  that  was  what  had  happened  to  her  from  their  perspective.  the  world  had  shifted.  "for  what  it's  worth,  i  don't  think  he  ever  really  believed  you  were  dead.  and  he  didn't  ask  me  to  join  the  BSAA.  i  asked  him."  the  admission  was  a  weight  off  his  shoulders—something  he  wished  he  could  have  done  when  jill  had  originally  asked  him  to  join.  "with  you  gone…  there  didn't  seem  to  be  a  point  in  going  on  the  way  i  had.  turns  out  life  is  kind  of  fuckin'  boring  when  you  can  barely  leave  your  house  and  you  know  the  monsters  that  live  under  your  bed  are  real."

cont'd from here ! / @inkrbbn

               she  tiredly  wondered  if  he  knew  how  horrifying  that  last  sentence  was.  surely  there  wasn't  so  much  monstrous  bullshit  in  the  world  that  he  had  to  deal  with  it  every  day,  right?  grace  wasn't  sure  she  wanted  to  live  in  that  kind  of  reality.  his  words  were  anything  but  reassuring  for  her  future  self  and  had  she  not  been  so  tired  she  might  have  started  laughing  and  then  crying  hysterically.  as  it  was,  she  was  choosing  to  focus  more  on  cleaning  him  up  than  on  the  new,  horrifying  facts  and  figures  she  now  knew  about  life  around  her.

instead,  she  let  her  expression  do  the  work  -  telling  him  he  was  horrid  at  comforting  someone  with  his  words  when  he  said  things  like  that.  but  at  least  emily  would  be  safe.  she  trusted  that  leon  would  do  right  by  her,  get  her  that  cure  and  save  her  if  he  could.  if  anyone  could  do  it,  he  could.

she  let  out  a  sigh  from  her  nose  and  went  back  to  cleaning  him  up.  it  was  scabbed  over,  but  he  still  looked  like  a  mess  -  not  that  she  didn't.  but  she  was  choosing  to  ignore  that  part.  for  now,  she  was  focusing  on  something  else,  anything  else,  which  meant  she  was  now  focused  on  his  hair,  trying  to  use  a  damp  cloth  to  clean  that  up  too.

“  i-i  know  they  bleed  a  lot.  th-that  doesn't  mean  they  shouldn't  be  taken  care  of,”  she  huffed,  arguing  back  half  heartedly  as  she  cleaned  him.

"i  had  that  same  shit  kennedy  had  going  on,  you  know."  he  said  in  response.  "up  until  an  hour  ago,  i  didn't  think  i'd  have  much  longer  myself.  so  a  stupid  injury  from  a  dumb  mistake  is  nothing."  his  shit  was  bad  enough  that  chris  had  tried  to  insist  he  stay  home,  but  there  was  no  way  carlos  was  about  to  miss  returning  to  raccoon  city—even  if  the  thought  of  doing  just  that  made  him  want  to  throw  up.  not  going  would  have  been  worse.  and  he'd  been  rewarded  with  an  instant  cure  to  all  of  his  woes,  so  carlos  thought  his  recklessness  had  worked  out  pretty  well.