oh, but darling,

resilience is not sustainable we are not supposed to endure life we are supposed to live it

the goal of hoarding notebooks as a writer is not to USE the notebooks but to feel like they could be used, a mental bolstering tactic such as dragons collecting gold but never spending it.

angst with no happy ending ???? in this economy ????

when richard siken said 'love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it's like a religion. it's terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you' i became overwhelmed with distress and had to fight the urge to knaw my own fingers off

I miss conferences. I am sick of zoom. I want to get a canvas bag with a thin notebook and complimentary clucky plastic pens, a mug of shitty coffee and sit for two hours in a hotel event room watching people nerd out about their work.

something i wish i had realized earlier: you can write poems on the same subject more than once. you can write, paint, draw the same thing over and over if you want to. you can spend your whole life making art about oranges. i think i always felt this pressure to get it right the first time like i couldn’t go back and use that inspiration again. but you can. you can go back and revisit it. you can pick up the conversation again and again if you have more to say.

i am not having a mental breakdown i am simply Evolving

literally everybody who has ever been kind to me has made me kinder in return

thinking about the quote “life is short. art is long” and how tragic it is that art lasts forever, but we don’t; how there will always be more books unread than read, more music unheard than heard, more paintings unseen than seen, and when i die, there will be countless more that i will never even have the opportunity to love and cry over and feel, because it certainly seems that there is more worth feeling in the world than time to feel it.

do you ever… get the urge to fake your own death and resurface under a new identity somewhere on an isolated island, where you have a cottage and live off the land and just read all day and drink wine and chill with the resident cottage cat that was just… there when you arrived?