Inja Ninja 9

Follow me there: @injaninja9 Be forewarned: it'll be pretty gay there.

Link to the YTP: https://youtu.be/YJey74gmkLY

As much as I love Toby Fox's games (Undertale and Deltarune), I can't help but have a problem with the main thesis of these games: showing compassion to everyone is easy and very rewarding. It's not the message I have a problem with (if anything, compassion is an under-utilized virtue in the world), but rather it's the way it's framed. Compassion isn't easy to show at the slightest because we all have our own prejudices getting in the way. That, and any act of compassion is energy/resource/time expenditure that will never be given back (this is why we live in an age where true altruism is seen as foolish, and cynicism is seen as a defence mechanism). Neither is compassion very rewarding. Oftentimes you will find people who will either abuse compassion to get what they want (ie. those with anti-social personality disorder), or those who return generosity with a great deal of pain. To illustrate that last point, imagine a cat that has become distrustful of humans after having been starved by its owner before being rescued, and some random human approaches it with a plateful of Fancy Feast, which is completely foreign to the creature. Which is more likely: 1) the cat will approach the food dish and meow in appreciation, or 2) the cat will hiss at the human, then scratches the human's wrist after placing the food bowl too close to the cat? If Paul McCartney's line in The End, "The love you take is equal to the love you make," is anything to go by, compassion is not immediately rewarding as a virtue, but rather it's cumulative; it builds over time along with the trust that forms between people. With that said, compassion can only be accepted by those who wish for it; in other words, those who wish to take responsibility over putting their own lives back together (have you heard that joke about how many psychiatrists it takes to change a lightbulb?). It's only those who want to take responsibility for themselves who willingly benefit most from accepting other people's help. As it is though, as much as compassion is easy to foster in theory, it's much more difficult to put into practice, whether it be by the barriers set up by the giver or by the receiver. Even as I myself wish to help others or to get help, I can only do nothing but gently weep.

Because I have a complex involving being forever alone, I figured that I'd share 5 out of 10 criteria I have for a Just Right boyfriend (none of which are negotiable). 1. Nerdy I'm a complete nerd, so much so that I need someone who can put up with my nerdiness. Who better than a fellow nerd? 2. Considerate One time, my brother and mother had ramen at one of the only ramen places in the whole country without thinking about if my aunt or if I wanted to eat there. Because they already went there for lunch, I ended up having to eat Chinese food for dinner (not that I hate it, but it's just so oily and I always feel sick after eating). My just-right boyfriend would be the exact opposite of my mother and brother. 3. Nuanced I have a great dislike for Trump. I also have a great dislike for Clinton too. I also honestly can't care less about how exactly Trudeau is "good" for Canada (read: he's a general fuck-up). I would like to date someone who can either understand where I'm coming from or can see in shades of grey rather than in black and white (overly politically fanatic people can move along). 4. Reliable I've been disappointed by too many people in my life, including myself. It would be nice to have someone who is less likely to disappoint me than everyone else. 5. Mature Not necessarily as in older than me (I'd prefer it if someone wasn't older than 5 years older than me, or at least not violate the half-your-age-plus-seven rule), but more like they're grown up enough to have their life together and can take responsibility when necessary. There are 5 other criteria, but they're just for me to keep to myself, and only at least 3 of which must be satisfied. All the 5 traits I've listed are mandatory for being boyfriend material.

Shigeru Miyamoto, famous video game designer, once stated that he views video games as a product, rather than as an art form. Even so, I can't help but admire how Majora's Mask is able to express sadness in a way that's touchingly poignant; something that even modern Hollywood films struggle with. If you don't believe me, look (or listen rather) no further than the game's soundtrack, particularly Oath to Order. I rarely cry when exposed to media, so Koji Kondo did something wonderfully right here. https://youtu.be/w0qzurHFfsk

There are plenty of summaries for Viktor E. Frankl's book on YouTube, which do a good job of explaining it if you're too lazy to read it (there are audiobook copies of you want to listen to it if you have 5 hours to spare). Instead of rehashing the lessons on logotherapy, I'll share what I've taken away from the book. He who has a "why" can bear almost any "how." That "why" in question must be something that transcends the self towards something greater. The best example of this would be Frankl's own "why" (or meaning of his life) that helped him start again after surviving the Holocaust: to help others find meaning in theirs. Make no mistake: that is only Frankl's meaning to life; the question of the meaning of life, as he explains in his book, is like asking what the best move in chess is: it's all context dependent. To find the meaning of one's life, it's best to frame the question as such: what meaning does life ask of you? Even having had time to digest the material, I have yet to figure out what life asks of me exactly. However, I have figured out a couple of things about my own "why": 1) Romance is not a meaning in my life. Given my own failures in dating, how everyone else's help to find love failed, and how I attract no romantic interest at all (better yet, gay guys my age have NO romantic interest at all, but only interest in sex), I'm convinced that there is no soulmate for me. As such, further active pursuit for romance will be wasted time. 2) It's only by working towards making my dreams come true will I have a direction towards finding meaning in my life. This, I think, is my intermediate "why" until I can find something more permanent when my dreams come to fruition. I don't expect to be happy; happiness is something that ensues and not pursued. At the moment, however, I think I have some sort of contentment knowing that I have a goal to strive towards. I have hope now that my hard work from here on out will lead to something meaningful.

I've started reading the book because I'm tired of living with all this dread from being alone. Having finished reading about his experiences from Auschwitz, I'm already struck with one of the core ideas of the book: a quote from Nietzsche. Those who have a "why" can withstand almost any "how." While I have yet to read the second half of the book (the section on Logotherapy), I'm already thinking about what my "why" is, and how it can be strong enough to withstand the "hows" of my life; if Frankl can find his inner strength to survive concentration camps, then surely I'll figure out what I'll need to do to find meaning for my life. The only thing I know for sure is that romance is not my "why"; if anything, the suffering brought about romance is one of the many "hows" I'll need to overcome.

You have genuinely good people find love. They're blissfully ignorant of the world's suffering. You have repugnant people who find love. They're living proof that there is no justice in the world. You have good people who don't find love. Do they all deserve to die without a kiss? And then you have people like me. Sure, I may have given some hint of how bitter I am as a human being, and that is enough to drive people away. But that's merely just a taste; if anyone truly knew what goes on in my inner world, they may be horrified by the pure misanthropy that grows by the day. I don't know if it's possible to save me from this inner silent anger the way Toby Fox preaches it should be done: with altruistic kindness. But rest assured that I won't harm another soul; I'd sooner take my own life before I'd harm anyone else, or even before I see what true kindness looks like.