Angela

For a long time, she held a special place in my heart. I kept this special place just for her, like a "Reserved" sign on a quiet corner table in a restaurant. Despite the fact that I was sure I'd never see her again.

“And there is still a part of me that wishes I never met you. I preferred the emptiness in me when I didn’t know it was there.”

What if I changed every single part of myself?

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You Are”

“I keep swallowing my pride, but it makes its way to the surface, memories on repeat, songs I can’t quite remember the words of, simply the sound of your humming, your smile a blurry memory, your face a reminder of everything shoved into the box labeled “DO NOT OPEN” as if the letters written in capital will prevent the inevitable. Silent “I love you’s” spoken through eyes I no longer remember the color of when looking at the sun, simply written off as green somethings. Forevers turned into for now, and for now turned into the past, love has never felt more heartbreaking, but what hurts most is wondering if you have forgotten me, knowing you probably have, since you were the one to leave, and me grasping on to the memories was not enough to keep parts of you. Like the way your eyes went soft when I got upset, knowing it was special, but not quite remembering what soft looks like. Or the sound of your breathing or you laugh, what hurts is knowing just how much I loved you, but not being able to remember the way it felt. What hurts the most is forgetting you, forgetting me.”

“You made so many mistakes and acted like it was my fault.”