nothing as of now

The autumn leaves explodes to the ground, 

A scattered jigsaw puzzle, 

A mystery locked and unlocked, 

The surface never showed, 

A trick of the light, 

Devilish waters, 

It was a breath of fresh air, 

He was like a breath of fresh air, 

Linger in my lungs, 

Flowing through my veins.

Make my heart beat, 

Make me feel, 

Make me live, 

Live a thousand lives. 

Never wanted to exhale, 

Even if it kills me,

Wanted to make it last, 

Half up, half down,

Long dress, tight bodice, 

Large hat, trailing train, 

Ballroom centrepiece.

Like a cleaned up mirror, 

Glittering dust in your eyes, 

Gave you my scars, 

Stiches undone. 

I showed you yourself, 

But who’s there to show me, 

My limbs for someone else’s cause, 

Who am I but an idea, 

Summer promises on hot noon swims, 

A group of us, splashed out laughters, 

Thought we’ll last forever, 

Tied together, hidden needles. 

It fades, and it fades, 

Promises turned to hellos, 

Hellos turned to smiles, 

Smiles turned stares. 

The last stare we gave, 

It was done, 

Some stayed only looking back, 

A classic game of solitaire, 

Me and the cards, all is well, 

No questions asked, 

No answers needed,

Me against myself. 

I find solace in empty corridors. 

Only the ghost of laughters to call a friend,

It was me, myself, and no one else, 

My tapping feet, filling in the gaps, 

Noises blurred, just a silent melody. 

It never lasts forever, 

I hear the flood gates cracking, 

Their voices echoing, 

Shattering my peace,

Just one sip, 

Sweaty bodies and sweaty glasses, 

An odd game of truth or dare, 

Dark jokes and under eyes, 

Put me under the spotlight, 

What do they want…

Just one puff, he said. 

One never hurts, I know my rights and wrongs, 

An itching curiosity, 

Who am I to say no, 

I wasn’t walking in glass slippers, 

Every inch of me was made of it. 

I refract light to beautiful colours, 

Shine when the sun is right. 

Yet I’m forever cursed, 

My see through limbs ignored, 

Used to look at what’s beyond, 

I was there, clear as day, 

The Friday wines and dines, 

Rainy bus stop kisses, 

Quiet starry nights, 

Always the romantic my heart was, 

Every smile and look was a pinky promise, 

An accidental nudge is calculated, 

Added to the continuous equation of my ‘what if’s.’ 

A plush doll was all it took, 

To picture a future with me and you, 

From paper rings to clear diamonds, 

Was all I wanted, but never got. 

The childish dream faded, so did the smiles, 

It stayed in paper rings and old plush dolls, 

Victims to the dusty childhood corners, 

The tree grew tall with its roots set and stem high, 

They laid under it for shade, backs flat against its bark, 

They ate its fruits that fell each summer’s end, 

They marvelled at the flowers under the spring sun, 

Even sketched its bare branches during winter’s peak. 

They cheered as it grew, took what they can, 

They gain, it loses, 

Left with its stem, a leafless form, 

A wind away from doom, 

Now that’s its battered and bruised.