She is Clothed in Strength and Dignity

It is the little things that remind me; persuasive smiles, slightly too insistent touches, searching eyes. Some days I'm not even sure why I remember or why my body locks down as if for war. Inside my head a battle rages - no blood shed, but for the salt and water that leaks down my cheeks and into shaking palms.

I feel everything. All at once and nothing at all. Empty and numb but I want it to stop. Respite in the storm tastes of salt and water and rum.

What do I do when the floods feel too deep to wade through. Currents circle my ankles like fetters and gales knock the wind out of my lungs. Sinking seems easier than persevering.

Red wine slides down easily as fingers fumble. Belt buckle, thighs, skin, whispers. Thoughts forgotten, desires linger. Taste and feel. Nighttime skin settles.

Peace is near as thoughts subside. Like raindrops, just a little bit then torrential. Quiet lingers in the echos, unobtrusive yet real. Just a whisper grazes listening ears. It is enough.

How long since us has it been? I try to count the days but somehow they don't measure time as they used to. I don't want to go but these tears won't leave. The memories linger longer than our time together. I keep thinking of you.

Dread settles like the morning dew on grass, except I can still feel it as the day goes on. Hours and weeks and years, how long until sleep comes. Life is all far too much, but with miracles nestled in between.

You're different from before. Before we happened, before the fall. Endearment speckled eyes traded for brief touches that feel unfamiliar. My chest, it no longer recognizes your own. Once beating in unison now faint and unreliable. Distance travels deeper than time apart. Because, even when you are there I can't bridge the gap. I fall, I fall (apart).