Infinite Dreamland

It's almost 12 AM and you're laying down in bed, blanket covering and warming up your body on this snowy night. Your upper abdomen is aching and cramping. The pain comes and goes. You gently rub your abdomen with one hand while the one hand unlocks your phone.

You sigh loudly into the empty room. "He's at somewhere, doing something, or probably asleep…" you thought to yourself. About 10 minutes ago, you messaged him - "My gastric pain is flaring up…". Message has not been read by him and same goes to the other messages you sent earlier in the day:

- "Hope your day goes well!"

-"Remember to stay warm and stay hydrated".

-"I'm here if you need me."

You scroll up and down the conversation, somewhat hoping that by scroll up and down on the conversation can make him reply to you. That hope never came through. You turn off your phone screen and set the phone aside on the bed as you curl up into a ball, hugging the cold, vacant pillow next to you.

You close your eyes and let the silence fill your mind but your thoughts overtake the silence. Thinking back to the days when you first dated your boyfriend, it was happy and fun but after 2 years, things have changed. You both have changed. He's always busy and always getting busier. On his days off, he's always sleeping and always tired. On his free time, he's always at home. On the other hand, there's you who is opposite from him. You are busy with work but you could manage some extra free time to go out to relax and have fun. Work has been busy for you but you aren't that tired or fatigue…

It has been a long while since I have posted a post on here. I have been busy with adulting and maintaining life.

How are my readers? Are people still reading these stories/scenarios?

The Kpop world has so many new groups now and I can barely keep track of them all. I am feeling a little "write-ty" so I might write some bias optional scenarios just for the heck of writing. I actually miss writing stories (not projects/assignments) lol

Bias optional

It’s late at night and you are laying in bed trying your best to fall asleep but he is all you can think of. Even if you don’t want to think about him, once you close your eyes, he is all you can see in the darkness. You miss him. You really do miss him. You have been lying to yourself and to other people that you are done with him and you are over him, but the truth is you aren’t. There is still a hint of hope left in your heart. There is still a tiny part of you waiting for him to come back to you saying, “Be my girlfriend.” You are still hoping and wishing that this is not all.

You reach your hand out and take your phone. You check your phone, hoping for a notification from him, maybe a goodnight text, a hello text, or a are-you-asleep text. Anything. Anything from him but there was none. You click into your chat app and there his name is, almost disappearing from the main screen. It has been a while since you both talk to each other. His chat is the last one down bottom on the first page before you have to swipe up to see his.

You click into the chat slot and reread old messages between you both. You smile at the messages and how silly you both were and it make you miss him even more. You really have the urge to message him, “I miss you.” You shake your head, trying to shake the thoughts away. You shut off your phone and toss it aside. “Let me sleep!” you scream out loud, feeling frustrated. You shut your eyes and start to concentrate on your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale…I…miss…you…so...much.

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Hi there! Thank you for having me back! I am just here for these few days because of life.. and I had those writing moments.

Don’t be sorry~ Yea, for both the scenarios that I wrote, the idea came from personal stories and events. Of course, I changed it up to fit the kpop genre (I want to date a kpop idol too, c’mon now). I also switched up the endings of the stories- endings I expected to happen but didn’t happen in my case. It’s free writing anyway~

For the Can’t Be Friends scenario, if you are wondering, the guy and I are still friends since we all hang out in the same circle and it would be awkward for our mutual friends to see us both acting like strangers. Life life life...

Bias optional**

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You are usually not the type of person who apologizes first. If you do, it meant that you know you are wrong and has fault in the argument. Also, if you apologize, you like to do it in-person although it makes you nervous as hell but it is more sincere compared to via texting or over phone calls.

You and him had an argument last week right before he left the country for work. You both were supposed to be on a date but he made you waited by yourself for almost an hour without telling you beforehand that he will be late even if he knew it right before the meet-up time. He apologized to you but you were too angry at him to even forgive him. You ignored him and his messages for the next two days. You are the kind of person who will say anything and everything when you get angry. Harsh, mean, hurtful words will come pouring out from your mouth if you talk to him while the anger is still in you. On the third day, you replied back to his messages using one-word answers and nothing long. You kept the replies short and simple. At that time, he asked for the 5th or 6th times, “Are you still mad at me?”

Anger, not anger, more of disappointment fueled in you. You told him a bunch of honest words about not being angry anymore and more of disappointment because him being late and not telling you beforehand made you think that he didn’t care of you nor the date itself. You told him how you felt unimportant to him and how excited you were for the date after not being able to see each other for half a month and yet you still can’t see him. He was explaining his part and at that moment, you could not seem to understand what he is thinking and what he was thinking. You felt like you didn’t know him as a person. You told him truthfully about your thoughts and feelings and in the end, you both got nowhere.

A week had passed and he was out of the country during those days for work. His members knew that you both had an argument because right after the argument, he apparently released his anger out on the maknae. You knew that when one of of his closest member of the group texted you and told you a lot of things that you didn’t know, which made you feel sorry for saying those harsh words towards him. “He actually cares about you a lot and he just doesn’t know how to express it. He pays a lot of attention to what you post on your social media. Whenever you post a picture up, He would say things like ‘She is so cute. Look at her! Miss those smiles. I hope she is doing well and taking care of herself. Should I message her? I don’t want to bother her though.’ etc.” 

The group was having a dinner together at their dorm and they invited you to come over to join them. There you were in the car, parked, waiting. You gathered all your courage together and sent a text message to your boyfriend, “Hey, I am here, parked a little far from the dorm. Could you come walk with me? I have something to tell you too.”

“Ok.”

You waited in your car and mentally prepared how you are going to apologize to him. Although you know that with his characteristics, he probably doesn’t care about the argument anymore but you still wanted to apologize for hurting him. 

A knock from your car window surprised you. It was him. You turned off the engine and got your bag and the food you bought for the boys before you got off the car. “Hi~” you said with a smile. “What did you buy?” he asked as he helped you with the bag of food. ”Just some more meat and drinks for tonight. You and the boys need to eat more since you guys are so busy all the time.” He chuckled and said, “The boys will love you till death.”

You both were walking side by side, not holding hands which was unusual for you both, which made the atmosphere feel a little weird. He looked at you and raised his eyebrow, “So...what do you want to say to me?” You looked up at him and you let out a loud sigh. You linked arms with him as you both walked, getting closer and closer to their dorm. “I...” you started but the words didn’t want to come out. “I...... I just want to apologize for being so harsh to you the other day. I was angry and tired and the words I said didn’t go through my brain first.” He chuckled coolly, “That’s it?” You let out another sigh and continued, “In the past few days while you were out of country, I found out some stuff that you did secretly for me and some of your thoughts that you did not tell me about.” You looked at him and gave him a how-dare-you-not-tell-me look but it ended quick because he was so confused and it was funny to see him in that state of confusion. He was also looking so adorable like a lost puppy. Before he could ask you who told you want, you pouted and swung his arm, “Will you forgive me for saying those harsh words...?” You gave him the puppy eyes too. He let out a laugh and used two of his fingers to push your forehead, making your head fall backward, “Yes, I forgive you! You know that I don’t care about your harsh words because... it’s you anyway, the girl I love. And.. have you forgive me yet?”

You smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, “What do you think.”

Bias optional**

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“Why can’t we be close friends?!” he yelled with his hands on your shoulders.

“Because!” you hesitated whether to tell him the truth or not.

“Because..?” he looked at your with those eyes that your heart skip a beat for.

“Because I don’t trust you! To be close friends, we need to trust each other to tell each other everything! I...” You sighed, not knowing what to say when those eyes of his continued to look deep down into yours. You looked away and then he released his grip from your shoulder. “I am afraid to trust you...” you finally confessed. “You got close to me and then you push me away and now you care about me and I don’t know what you want from me. If you want to push me away, go ahead and push me all the way and not be friends anymore...”

You glanced at him to check on his expression. He blanked out and was hurt with the sudden honesty. You continued, “You have a girlfriend already. if we talk again and be close friends, the feeling will return and I don’t want the feelings to return. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want you to get close to me and then push me away again..” 

He saw a teardrop rolling down your eye which you had not realized. He cupped your cheek gently and wiped away that teardrop with his thumb before he muttered, “I am sorry.”

You closed your eyes and feel his touch on your face. You miss it dearly. His warm hands- “Stop it.” you snapped out of your thoughts turned your head away from his hand, leaving his hand hanging in the air. His heart was breaking seeing you in that state. He wanted to punch himself there and then for hurting you and being so selfish about wanting to keep this friendship. He did not want to end the friendship between you and him. Even you both can’t be lover, he wanted to keep the friendship but he knew that it would hurt you even more. 

“If you want to end this friendship then let’s end it today.” he said in a serious tone along with a serious expression.

You were surprised with his sudden change of thoughts. You looked at him with your eyes widened. “Seriously?”

He nodded, “If you want to.”

To be honest, you still wanted him to be in your life but you knew that it would be best for you both to be strangers, again.

You tipped toe and gave him one last hug. He hugged you back tightly, not wanting to let go of you because he knew that once he let you go, you will be gone, forever. You released your hug, hinting him that it is time to let go, but he did not let you go. You ended up giving him one more hug and whispered in his ears, “This will be best for us two...” You knew that the longer you stayed in his embrace, you will start to cry. No matter how much you will miss his tight, warm, cozy hugs and the smell of his, you can’t. You just can’t let this continue any longer. You pushed him away and turned your back on him. You walked away without turning back and he watched you walked away. Step by step, you walked farther down the road. The distance grew wider and farther apart... just like that, you both became strangers...again.

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I know I have been away for a long time and barely update this blog with new scenarios. Surprisingly, I am still gaining new followers over time and I see all these “likes” on my notification. I am really grateful to have all these readers reading my old writings (some with horrible grammar due to the lack of proof-readings.)

How is everyone doing? I bet some of you have joined more other fandoms and some others, like me, got busier with life and kind of lose track of the kpop world. I have been travelling to different places locally since it’s summer break for me. During the school year, I am busy with Nursing school and have no social life (seriously, I am not even exaggerating and I don’t even need to.) Anyhow, I do feel like doing some free-writings since it has been awhile...

Feel free to chat with me~ I will reply back asap when I can.