All The Way From Me To You

President Obama after Oregon shooting: “Our thoughts and prayers are not enough.”

I have a problem. I didn’t realize that this problem I have is rather serious until I entered my 20′s and began a new chapter of my life full of social interactions, business inquiries and having to morph into trying to have my shit together. This problem I have is a rather large, canyon-sized lack of confidence. 

Confidence [Kohn-fi-duh ns]

belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: 

I’ve tried to retrace steps back to girlhood. Diving into the deep end of pools. Feeling confident I was the fastest swimmer in my class. Believing I was the best receiver on my volleyball team because I put the work in during practice. There have been moments in my life where I’ve felt confident. So when did I lose it? I can pin point a time when things got out of hand–as they tend to– during Junior High. I let myself fade into the background and concluded being meek was the way to go. I guess these wall flower tendencies seeped deep to my core and turned into bad habits; crippling the part of my mind that allowed me to acknowledge my own hard work, feel pride in what I do and being okay with saying so when the moment was appropriate (i.e. needing to talk yourself up if you’re a freelancer, sending those emails to blogs for promo etc. etc). As I grow a little older each day and meet incredible people doing wonderful things I realize how exhausting it is to hold back on allowing myself these small moments of joy when a job is well done. It stunts my growth as a human being. 

The more artists I’ve met, the more I realize its a common thing to be hard on ourselves; to push for excellence and be meticulous in our craft. Dont get be wrong, I love the needle and thread mentality of detail. I love immersing myself in my craft. However, it doesn’t matter how much hard work you put in, if you dont believe in yourself you’re inevitably holding yourself back. The reality is: everyone that’s ever been confident enough to express their opinions through different forms of communication (art, speech, writing) have had to face themselves and accept that their opinions weren’t going to be loved by everyone. Confidence allows us to carry out the projects we so believe in and in turn puts us in situations that can further inspire us–be it because it allows us to meet people with common opinions/passions or wind up in situations that are beautiful and fulfilling. 

I think of figures I look upto in music, literature and art. I think about the struggles they must have gone through to put the ideas in their head into these physical forms that we can now experience and make part of our lives. I wouldn’t be the same without some of these legends impacting my life. I wouldn’t be the same if they would’ve let their fears of failure consume them, cripple them and render them incapable of believing in their talents enough to push through and create. 

  This post is for anyone out there trying to find confidence. I know a lot of us in our early 20′s are under pressure to decide what direction our lives are headed, but whatever that direction may be–if you’ve found it, believe it with your whole heart. Dont throw hard work down the drain by draining yourself with your own negativity. Its easy to list all the reasons its okay to give up on yourself and fall silent against the current of this fast moving society. Quiet your mind and listen to yourself—are you putting the work in? Are you giving it your all? Is it getting you somewhere (slowly, but surely)? 

I am toyotakin.

i identify as toyota, toyoter, toyotaself.

Examples: Toyota went to the market yesterday. Toyoter bag was full. Toyota loves to be alone by toyotaself. 

My kintypes are the 1993 toyota corolla, the 2014 toyota RAV4, and the 2006 toyota Prius.