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@infernalxmachine

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❝Vigilantism is nothing but self satisfaction.❞
Born on the rich soil of Japanese land with striving cities and tranquil for all country sides was the only son of Japan’s last prime minister — Kururugi Suzaku. How humored he had look back; and even today whereas a young man he stands so triumphantly seeks through a mask of betraying the Japanese. Justice is his forte, thoughts of so clouding his mind and a keepsake of a watch held closely in his heart by palm from his deceased father. With the fall of Japan, the once flourishing nation of the world’s Eastern hemisphere came the domination of the Britannian empire. His name’s Kururugi Suzaku; son of Japan’s last prime minister and a honorary Britannian as the nation’s Knight of Seven. He has learned and overcome many obstacles during the expanse of his only eighteen years as life — and surely, war really is hell.
↬ H O V E R ; ✘✘✘✘
Hiatus until 21/11/13;
Everything will hopefully be replied next week since typist is having two upcoming final exams.
He did go to the university as well, and at the other’s statement, Daehyun blinked at the other male, eyes raking over his face to locate any sign of distress. It seemed that he was right, that the other boy had only wanted to get out of the crowd, as he apparently had a medic at home. Despite the rambling, he appeared to be carrying himself well, but Daehyun couldn’t think of any other way to repay him for saving his life other than getting him some medical attention. He found himself nodding anyway, eyes flitting to the street and hoping that a bus would pass by soon, to get him patched up quickly. His face had not given away any emotion that the blow was painful, but Daehyun was fairly certain that he was just good at hiding it, managing to even smile to reassure him. That, or perhaps he had a good pain tolerance.
"Okay." He’d just walk him to the bus stop and wait for him at least to get in the vehicle before he took his leave. "I’ll just wait with you for a bus, at least… ah… I’m sorry you had to…" he didn’t continue the sentence, his hand gesturing to the general direction of the other boy’s wound instead. That was very idiotic of me, he added mentally, sighing deeply and rubbing the back of his neck. The long day he had had unsurprisingly become even longer, his feet carrying him to the bus stop to wait for the stranger’s transportation home. Daehyun realized that he hadn’t even gotten the other’s name, and although they study in the same university, what are the odds that they’ll pass by each other in the vast amount of areas in the school? He hadn’t even seen him around until today. “What’s your name?”
It had been months since he’d concocted that defense mechanism against insanity, after all; it had been months since he had embraced the concept of pain and instilled it in his blood, streaming in his veins to etch extra morphine for continuous exposure would eventually transform his system into a better, stronger machine that he’d expected to be. That was a fragment of his life which he had conjured up since the day he had picked up the mask of Kai, anything which previously was dubbed as debilitating had become nothing but a mundane disturbance for him, and with that, the pinpricking pain which shot up his arm as the blood continued dripping from his torn skin could be deemed as nothing but a diminutive aggravation—nothing that either of them should worry about, really, but he couldn’t tell the stranger that, so he relished in the concern that the other emitted anyway. Not everyone apart from his butler would wear that kind of expression for him, so he was grateful for being able to be at least needed, no matter the underlying reasoning.
“No, it’s okay,” he shook his head when the stranger apologized again. It was expected, but it became tiring for him to recite the exact same answer all over again, although if he was in the stranger’s shoes he would feel exactly the same about the situation. He tugged the corners of his lips into another reassuring smile, ensuring the other male that he was all right.
The question was rather unpredictable, given that most of the time he remained anonymous as a savior. The veil kept him safe, his sobriquet only acknowledged through the Chinese symbol carved on the hilt of his trademarked blade, so now that he had the chance to have his benevolence admitted under his name, it felt peculiar. “I’m Jongin,” he said, paranoia tingling at the rim of his self-consciousness but he pushed it away, hoping that there wouldn’t be anything bad happening just because he let the other male know his name. “Nice to meet you.”
There was talk in the hallways of a new student in her class today but she didn’t really pay no mind to it—up until now, she was the new student and even sometimes now despite being here for a few months, she did feel outcasted and nervous even if she had been here so many times. Perhaps she could serve as some comfort to the new student who she didn’t know was male of female as of yet. Nobody really spoke of genders here anyway. As she entered the room, sapphire hues scanned over all the students who she had seen countless times before but when she landed on the male who was interested in his phone, she bit down on her lip. In this classroom nobody had a set seating arrangement which was good so when she noticed that nobody was sitting next to him as of yet, she bit down harder on her lower petal wondering if she should go and speak to him. It couldn’t hurt, right? Nobody else seemed to be making the effort and he must have felt nervous to some extent, right? Wandering over to his desk, she stood before him and gave him a friendly smile. “M-may I sit?”
He was too immersed in reading the random twitter feeds that when the female student greeted him, it took him a while to register that the question was directed at him. After a slight lapse, he looked up, surprise inevitably nestling on his features since he hadn't expected for anyone to speak to him. People in his major were more aloof, in some way, and with the size of the auditorium where most of his lectures were held, he'd almost never spoken to anyone unless necessary since there weren't many instances when someone would sit next to him. Even when they did, no one within the past few weeks had solicited his consent first, seeing that everyone was free to sit anywhere as long as the seat was unoccupied, but it wasn't like he was going to chastise the woman for asking such a polite question. He nodded, curling a small smile at her as if to implicitly show that he was harmless, although in this guise people would barely deem him as such. "Sure," he said, waiting for her to claim the seat.

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If we’re supposed to be plotting through tumblr messages and you haven’t received any from me, it’s possibly tumblr being greedy, so feel free to (re)send me a message. Please do let me know if I’ve missed anyone. Thank you.
P.S. these weeks will be slow since it's the end of school year for mun and exams are looming closer, thus apologies for the wait.
{ `he enrolled late into the class due to changes in his schedule, and he demanded for the alteration to be made since he's no longer interested in studying compositions; as much as he loves music, he's just not cut for weaving melodies into a song, as he's more of a performer than a composer; for the replacement, he has chosen the History of Hollywood Cinema, and so there he is, standing in front of the class to ensure that he has the right class number before entering the already packed room accented with the clamoring chatters, settling himself on the empty seat on the third row from the back; there's a vacant seat next to him, which he's sure will be occupied soon since it seems that a myriad of students find the subject interesting; either that, or maybe it's due to the smaller space provided for these students, especially compared to the auditorium reserved for the Business students; he retrieves his notebook and pen and places them on the tabletop before playing with his phone while waiting for the class to commence }
rewind; bxbaekhyun & infernalxmachine.
Somnolence, fatigue. Caffeine streaming in his veins, running alongside his blood as juxtaposition; complementary. Heavy eyes, canopied by the reminder of resting demands left unfulfilled. He always thought of how his life could seem pretty normal as he ambled on the sidewalk, just a stranger amidst the sea of faces rushing through life and chasing after the time lost, preserving the time found. He always thought of just how effortless it was to pretend and make believe with himself, fabricating a storyline that wasn’t his own to weave a tale of a normal life of a normal teenager that he’d never had. Strolling there with the soles of his Converse scuffing the pavement in a sluggish pace, he could blend into the normality that had become some sort of tantalizing wish for him. But with him being surrounded by the seemingly mundane lives, he could sometimes lose himself in his imagination, slipping from the reality and into the hand of delusions. It was almost easy to compel his mind to believe that the weariness was imposed by consecutive sleepless nights trying to catch up with the piles of schoolwork, and not by the endless efforts on reducing the crime rate, ending lives on the tip of his knife.
It was cathartic to release himself from the suffocating grip of the double life that he was leading, topped with the constant memento of his previous life as someone with a parent. As someone who had been considerably more humane, more compassionate, more logical. More of a man, less of a monster. Jongin often did that as he walked down the street, the seam of his lips connected to the plastic cap of the paper cup filled with coffee, the waft of steam billowing from the hole and carrying the redolence of scent which embodied the imaginary ordinariness. Whenever he did it, he was barely aware of his surroundings, stolid faces serving no difference as he walked past them leisurely. He’d never really bumped into someone, normally, despite the remote awareness that he’d reserved for the people around him, but that afternoon was an exception. Maybe he was too drowsy and the substance hadn’t kicked into his system that he narrowly brushed his shoulder against someone’s, and he was jerked awake from his reverie to attend to the necessity to abide by the societal norms. He fixed his bleary gaze on the person whose shoulder he’d just grazed, and tossed him an apologetic look before noticing, a second too late, that the facial features before him were nowhere near foreign.
Jongin might not have the most brilliant brain around, but the memories of people who had ever graced his life didn’t escape the neural interstices that easily. It wasn’t like he had too many faces to retain in the nostalgia with the confined life that he had once had. He’d always tried preserving those faces because he had never had many in the collages, keeping them as close as possible to his present for his history had morphed the person that he was, and that particular face surely belonged in that fragment of a Kim Jongin. He stopped and turned around completely as he locked his eyes on the other male’s face, lips parted without spilling a word for a few seconds, before he eventually managed to locate the right name to match with the face and utter it with familiarity drenching his tone. “Baekhyun?” The hesitation wasn’t absent in his voice, but he was almost certain that it was indeed his long-lost friend, despite the years that had passed without any meeting.
✯ And sometimes it takes a friend ✯
Jongin’s afternoon had been rather relaxed, the forest joining him to offer a rather serene offer. The animals and flowers alike swaying and padding through the tree’s nothing to think or worry about, simply lost in their own thoughts and conversations. It was unusually quiet the usual mutters and yipping being what he usually strived to hear, his sensitive ears seeming all the most heightened given the still sound of air.
Crossing his arms a light pout managed to form on his lips, swinging his legs over the side of the branch as he attempted to think of something he could do. Not wanting to disturb any of the nature around him whilst hoping something fun would appear to his mind. Even the thought of bothering one of his recently made friends managed to creep up on him, though he quickly rid himself of it given the time.
Leaping down he walked in small circles his hair brushed over one shoulder as he counted down some random thoughts. His eyes eventually lighting up as he remembered prior plans to visit the public park, wanting to see and observe the nature they had there - and to note if anything needed caring too. From what he had observed from the little amount of humans he had been around, they didn’t have much thought for the flowers around them.
And thus he began humming under his breath and wandering towards the quiet city, the darkening sky not holding him back as he went on his way. Blue orbs seemingly shining as he walked having ingrained the memory of the route into his mind, not wanting to waste any time that he could have been exploring the park.
The next couple of minutes seemed to fly by as he reached the wooden gates, appreciating the vines each had reaching up their columns. He had expected the place to be empty not having believed anyone would be in such an area so late in the afternoon. However as he walked around he soon spotted a figure crouching on the grass, his hands seemingly cupping something he had picked up from the ground. However instead of approaching him… he merely hid behind a tree not wanting to disturb him from thought.
People had acknowledged his idiosyncrasies along with time although it had only been a while since he mingled with the society in general, plunging himself forcefully amidst the crowd when he’d been so used to the concept of solitary. At least despite the constant anxiety that he felt at the pit of his stomach like a perpetual company, he’d also been equipped by the skill to overlook the scrutiny from curious eyes whenever he did something that they would deem as peculiar. It probably had something to do with the numerous exposures to the critical, grumpy old wealthy people who had always found something in him to complain about, teaching him to grow thicker skin along with time. A risible paradox, it was; on one side he was apprehensive when excessive attention was placed on him, yet he also had learned to manage the level of ignorance when it came to doing whatever his heart desired when the volition beckoned him to do so in a public place.
That late afternoon was one of the times when he deemed it as the appropriate time to harness his nearly non-existent flower arranging skills, considering that he’d turned in his assignments and he wasn’t exactly in the mood for plucking his guitar strings and singing for his throat had been a little sore for the past few days. There were tips from his teacher that when he wished to achieve an assembly that emitted a natural impression, he should comprehend the qualities of the nature itself. So he’d cogitated over the instructions and came to the conclusion that maybe he could get inspired when he was being enshrouded by the natural atmosphere.
He headed towards the public garden after school, the small vase in hand while the other equipments stored safely in his backpack. He purchased the bouquets from the nearest florist and ambled towards the facility, received quite several looks because of the flowers and branches that he cradled on his arm. It didn’t require him a long time to locate a fitting spot—a patch of grass facing the vast expanse of trees so that he could observe the way nature worked from his place. He set down the vase on the grass and undid the bouquets after putting his bag down and fishing out the various pebbles stored in a box. He crouched as he commenced the practice, fingers clumsy as they picked the twigs first to construct the foundation of the arrangement.

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Daehyun could almost see the other’s anxiousness roll off him in waves. It seemed that he was in a rush to avoid the crowd, and Daehyun could relate to the feeling of getting unwanted and unnecessary attention from the passersby; he had experienced similar situations since he was a young boy, whenever his parents had brought him to meet their colleagues and their business partners’ sons and daughters. Daehyun matched the other male’s pace, gaze scanning his features once in a while to see if he was turning pale - perhaps if the injury went from bad to worse, Daehyun could just call the cab and bring him to a hospital instead of just the university clinic. His elbow throbbed a little as his arms swung when walking, but Daehyun gathered that there’ll just be bruising as opposed to bleeding like the male before him.
Turning the said corner, Daehyun saw the lit sign of the small medical center a few establishments from where they were walking. “There it is,” he told him quietly, nodding towards the direction of the clinic. “How are you holding up?” He felt the strain of today’s events added to the fatigue he felt from practicing the whole evening wear down his shoulders, and his head started to throb, making him heave a quiet, but deep sigh. He pondered if the other boy lived around the area, or if he was a student with a dorm near the university, and if that’s the reason why the brunette was able to spot him on the road earlier? And if not, how was he going to go home?
The road they were walking on was almost deserted, and Daehyun watched as one or two private vehicles passed every once in a while. “How are you gonna go home?” Daehyun voiced out his thoughts, thinking that the safety of the other was important as his own, especially right after getting hurt. That, and if he received a more intense treatment from the doctor or nurse then it would be straining for him to walk a long distance to his house if ever such a thing happened. “Do you live nearby?”
A stream of relief washed over him fast when the crowd diminished from the periphery of his vision; the anxiety dissipated quickly from his stomach and his heartbeat stopped escalating after the rapid pace had inflicted faint nausea into his stomach. He noticed remotely that the other male had matched his speed, striding down the pavement in silence with the sound of their footfalls to accompany them. The pain that throbbed along his arm was nagging, but it wasn’t something that he couldn’t disparage. A normal occurrence, it was, but he resented the fact that it was an old wound torn open, since if the stitches were as secure as the doctor in the hospital had claimed them to be, it wouldn’t happen. The friction had been dampened by the sleeve, after all. Maybe it was why he’d never really trusted in an outsider’s job, although it had been an exception for the emergency that the quandary had imposed. Maybe he should indeed have stuck with his butler’s work.
If he were to think about it, maybe he could fool the campus clinic’s nurse by spilling the exact reason that he’d used to explain to the doctor in the hospital—the classic I got mugged and I had to defend myself but I got slashed, but he’d like to save himself the trouble. The stranger’s inquiry jerked him out of his train of thoughts, warning him about the immediacy of the situation for the building had started looming before them. He had to provide the answer quickly since the sign of the clinic had come into view, and so he frantically spilled, “I’m good. It’s all right. Um.” He wasn’t sure as to how he should steer the topic towards the reason why he’d rather be fixed at home, but the stranger’s next queries provided him the chance at the right time. He cleared his throat. “No, I live... somewhere a bit far. I drive to the campus but I could take a cab home, it’s all right. In fact, I think I should go home,” he rambled, ceasing the trip before they could draw too close to the clinic. He still clutched his arm with his free hand, tossing a sideway glance at the stranger with a reassuring smile perching on his lips. “My uncle is a medic. I live with him so... he can patch it up for me. I’ll... see you around, I guess? I’ll take the bus from here.” He gestured towards the nearest bus stop, hoping that the blond would immediately concur although Jongin didn’t expect much from it, for concerned people could be pretty insistent at times.
“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.”
Depression is not a synonym for being sad or having a bad day/bad week. (via n-e-r-v-o-s-a)
headcanon #001
Jongin used to play the piano when he was younger, up to the point where he witnessed his mother's murder. As she was the one who influenced him and planted the passion of music in him, there was a lengthy episode in his life where he couldn't touch any musical instruments without reminding himself of her. At the apex of his pent-up frustration as a teenager, he unleashed his tantrum on the grand piano which had been sitting in the living room of the mansion for decades, imposing as much damage as he could onto something that reminded him of the person really dear to him, ruining it into splinters. He didn't touch any musical instruments until he was sixteen, and he recollected his love towards melodies when he purchased a guitar capriciously one day when he passed by a music store. Since then, he relearned piano but guitar had claimed an immense part of him, and he couldn't let go until now. Playing guitar and singing still inevitably reminds him of his mother, but instead of drowning in the misery of bereavement, he takes it as a reminiscence of someone whose life and death has shaped Jongin into the person that he is today.
Daehyun met the other’s eyes with a no-nonsense look as the boy assured him that it was fine, that the situation was under control. It was obviously the other way around, and if he was really in tiptop shape then his knuckles shouldn’t be stained crimson. His mind went back to the small clinic near the university, which was only a right turn away from their current spot, and then they would be walking a small stretch of road. He hoped that it was open, but Daehyun was fairly sure that it was - the establishment was built there for student emergencies, and he wasn’t certain if the other even went to the same university as he did but it’ll have to do, as it was the closest from here.
The audience had started murmuring to themselves and Daehyun watched as the other nodded quickly to him, pursing his lips when he caught him wince in pain. He must’ve landed even worse than Daehyun had expected, and his will to take responsibility for the other’s injury was only strengthened. ”We’ll go to the university clinic around the corner,” he declared, tone not taking no for an answer as he let his eyes rake over the other’s form to check if there were any more unknown damages.
"Does anywhere else hurt? You can walk, right?" The question was not made to belittle the other’s strength, but to make it less easier for the other male if he could not trek the road by foot, and Daehyun speculated that it took a lot of stamina to run quickly and immediately save him from being a splattered, bloody mess on the concrete. Nudging his head towards the general direction of the medical center, he eyed the other carefully as he started to walk back to his original route, preparing to make a move if he needed physical assistance during their stroll.
Despite the years that he’d spent under the spotlight, scrutinized by myriad pairs of eyes of the elders in the society that embodied profligacy, it never meant that he was used to that kind of situations. Being under the perusal of audience made him extremely self-conscious, with apprehension stirring incessantly at the pit of his stomach, and it was only heightened since he also had an enormous secret that he couldn’t let out if he still wanted to preserve his sanity and safety. Being Kai was both beneficial and detrimental for his mental state—it provided him a form of twisted relief yet chipped away the brim of the sanity left in him due to the inevitably secrecy. It was cathartic but it amplified his fear when he wasn’t hiding beneath the protection of the black veil, for people surely would never be able to see anything from his distorted point of view. The unease was now a perpetual companion but the intensity had never dissipated despite the familiarity, and Jongin was left with the nagging wishes to escape the concerned gazes fixed on him.
He frantically nodded at the other male, trying hard to not seem anxious from the excessive attention directed at him. He covered it by grimacing, hoping that the other male would lead him back to the university, but he knew coming to the clinic was a blasphemy. Lacerations weren’t something that the nurse would miss—and lacerations so deep and a week old weren’t something that he could explain properly. Not to mention that he had scar tissues marring a good portion of his skin, especially the parts usually concealed by clothes.
“Yeah, I can walk. It’s okay,” he nodded, almost hurriedly pacing himself back towards the campus while clutching his bleeding arm with his other hand once the blond had started walking. All that he needed at that moment was protecting himself from the concerned eyes, so he quickened his pace in hopes to vanish from the spectators’ view as immediate as possible. As he walked, his mind began to seek ways to cancel the visit to the clinic—he needed to come up with a good excuse to convince the other male that he could get patched up at home. That might involve disclosing his social status to this male, but it was safer than inciting suspicions from strangers, especially when they were adults. Teenagers were mostly more gullible, and Jongin expected to utilize that quality. Besides, he’d just saved the blond, and seeing the remorse that seemed to cling onto the other male’s features Jongin believed that the other male wouldn’t pose too many questions, given that he owed Jongin his life.

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Favourite Things + Forest Walks
“You’ll find our hearts not on our sleeves, but in the spines of our books.”