Im not that Cool
We all strive to fit in, to be apart of something. Thatâs human nature right? But what if we don't fit in with everyone around us.. What if its all a show. We get up, put on amask. Our pants, shirts, shoes and go about the day as an act in the ever lasting play that is our life? I often find myself wondering these things on days like today. After strolling through facebook and seeing all the friend groups of pictures and parties and stories. Why am I not involved? I know all those people. I speak to them when I see them and them I when they see me. But why am I not part of this group? I am just not cool enoughâĻ the answer?? No, ill never becool enough for the "COOL KIDS". I use to think I wanted to be, but after a very blurry and emotional summer I have come to conclusion its just not worth it. Why try to force your way into something that you just simply put, don't fit into. Ive always been a little off center. So why try now? Clearly its easier now to think this, as ive failed horribly to fit in. Im not Square ,or Circle. Im none of those things if not both of them at the same time. For a short time I strived to join in and be a part of something when all along it should have been the something trying to be a part of me. I add a variety that lacks most social settings, a breathe of fresh air.Â
Im a thick skinned person, some of whom may call me a horrible person. I laugh at this cause I often use this description on myself. The truth is I can handle it. Most of the time I laugh it off. But not everyone can. We all have feelings, we all have fears. Some of us can take the heat of it, others not so much. I learned quickly again that it doesn't matter what others think of us. The only person thatâs going to love you is you. Every night we go to bed, we are the only ones that can truly let ourselves down. Not the group of ppl who you hang out with, but ourselves. We made those choices. And today I choose myself, ME. I CHOSE ALEX. I wouldn't give up anything I went through because with out every hardship I have managed to overcome, I wouldn't be the person I am.Â
I know who I am, and a lot of ppl think they know who I am with out ever speaking to me or knowing my story. For anyone reading this, If I ever do post this publicly, I hope one day you will take a moment and realize before you judge someone for trying to fit in one way or another you will think about it. One day you might have been judged for your actions as well. We are a society that judges rather then gets to know. It is easier to look at someone and not like them cause of the clothes they wear, the shoes on their feet. The color of their hair, skin and or something they did in the past. We all have a past, im not so much proud of mine. Yet I have learned a great deal from it, and maybe I met you in the darkest of my days and wasn't so pleasant to you that day and its struck a nerve. For that I am sorry and all I can say is that we all have bad days and good. We all have a past, and thatâs where it should stay. THE PAST. We all grow up. We all GET BETTER.. We all Evolve. I know I have. Ive made a lot of friends that five years ago I wouldnât be caught dead in the same room with. So challenge yourself to grow, to be a better person. The next time you see someone who, for whatever reason, you don't like. Go say HI, How are you doing today? A simple gesture of good faith. Maybe just maybe that will be the start of a beautiful friendship!!
