fanfic assignment
Imagine you're in a hip, overpriced London cafĂŠ that prides itself on using milk from cows who listen to classical music (but not Bach, the barista had proclaimed, because no one likes Bach). You're sipping on a chai latte that costs more than your utility bill when the door swings open. In strolls Harry Styles, dressed in a ratty sweater. You are almost entirely certain that youâve seen an exact replica in your grandmaâs closet.
He orders avocado toast (because of course he does) and requests for a drizzle of organic, fair-trade, artisanal honey on top. As he turns, he gaze zeroes in on you. With a stride that suggests heâs walking down a runway rather than a cafĂŠ floor, he approaches your table.
âIs this seat taken?â he asks, gesturing to the chair opposite you.
You nod, dumbfounded. He sits anyway. You wonder if all popstars suffer from severe hearing loss.
When you say nothing, only staring at him blankly, he launches into a monologue about the âart of thriftingâ and how vintage clothing is actually a âsocio-environmental statement,â occasionally but repeatedly mentioning something about a âcarbon conundrumâ and âforest shrinking.â When he sees you glance at his nails, which are painted in an admittedly brilliant turquoise, he explains that theyâre the same shade as the tears of an extinct butterfly species.
You continue to nod at places that seem appropriateâshould you have corrected him when he said ecological equilateral?âand âhmmâ and âahâ whenever he seems to want your opinion. Itâs oddly mesmerizing, strangely profound, and yet utterly bizarre.
When he decides that heâs imparted enough of his infinite wisdom, he stands abruptly, leaving you with his half-eaten piece of artisanal toast as a souvenir. He offers a parting piece of advice: âRemember, itâs not just toast, itâs a statement,â before disappearing out the door as quickly as he had appeared.
You blink, expensive toast in hand, feeling unexpectedly enlightened in matters of ocean swelling, planetary rejuvenation, and ozone dissolution.
Tomorrow, you would head to Goodwill.












