Inebriated Thoughts

My dad always made fun of my jump by saying he could barely slide a credit card under there. Why couldn't you have helped me fix that, dad!?

sometimes people are just so stupid you have to get angry at them

you're sick. everyone gets sick. we play through it

"Don't they know their religions not real" -ignorant coworker referring to Mormons. She is Catholic, the only real religion. obviously.

I've only dated religious guys even though i'm far from ever becoming religious. It's only to learn something new, then i get bored and move on

I would sit and watch a lightning storm with you or by myself shit's fascinating

I didn't choose to have psychological problems but thanks for the suggestion!

"hella" is ill advised in any educated area.

eyes forward seats forward, plane etiquette to get you through life.

The key to having a successful roommate situation is to never be around each other too much.

Loofa

If I'm struggling this much to name a pet how will I name a child?

Everyone likes you less because you've changed your personality to better fit his.

Your personality shouldn't change for your boyfriend.

I get it, you're "totally in love" and going to get married blah blah blah. You've been dating 10 months stfu. You have never even had a real job or lived on your own without your parents support. Grow up.

Plane etiquette: Don't fucking put your seat back. I know you saw me sit behind you, I know you saw how tall I am, do you really think my knees even fit before you put your seat even closer to me?

silly human, you think you own me but it is I who own you! I will get you back for that bath..you'll see."