lostworld

I remeber them once a while man but i feel sad most of the time, sometimes due to residency and mostly due to my loss. I never felt this way, not when my grand parents were gone, but my mother, she was my heart. It broke my heart, i thought so much about them. Maybe i just live in melancholy, and some part of my rage is gone, as i think it was my fathers shade

It comes in waves rather than fading in a straight line.

I miss my home, my floor, my parents. My little brother used to slide in and used to be chill friendly company with my parents(his uncle), and i used to be on my plans, and he used to be on his adventures. In my little happy lab, he was on his own. Fun, comforting and great place it was. Nostalgic

Man i am hungry, exhausted and want to just close my eyes, lay down, or kiss her. Or just want to go my home. But all these things are very far and maybe elusive. All i can do is sit, walk, use phone or change fluid.

Fuck man, it is sad and depressing that life is only linear. And we try to make or feel it in circles.

And what if i am not that consistant, even in releasing my tension, or just say relaxation. What if i am just learning to relax. What i know is playing and talking with friends and used to call it relaxation. But now i realised it is work in itself, it is called socialization or networking. Where to find raw relaxation man. Sometimes i find it on treadmill, but then i realize it requires so much determination. And to start something, it is a actual task in itself.

What if i try to explore more of my interest, more of new things. And just try to, i mean just try to see more what can happen for me. What could be there for me. But then all of a sudden i realize i am sitting on wrong place and my energy is very low, and it is the evening to night time of the day.

Nostalgia hit me like a rock on head