It Happened in Another Timeline, We Swear

Hey, hey, hey. Come on! I know what guilt is. It’s one of those touchy-feely words that people throw around that don’t really mean anything. You know, like 'maternal' or 'addiction.'

If you need me, I’ll be down here on the floor. Dying.

if you drag out your slight thoughtful pause eventually the other person will walk away and then you dont have to say anything

You’re a piece of work. I like you.

I’m not even supposed to be here! I’m just Soldier #6! I’m expendable! I’m the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is!

(516): idk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.

Here’s the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.

Last week, she was supposed to buy milk, but instead she bought novelty cookie cutters. Now everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur. She’s amazing.

If a guy calls you princess in a condescending manner assert your newly appointed royal status and have him beheaded.

(248): I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it’s cramping my style.

Look, we have limitless resources, manpower and time at our disposal. Our options are surprisingly few.

Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.