christ on a cracker

Klaus: Oh, you mean the one that's now a fashionable crop top?

Luther: KLAUS!

Diego: You mean the one you light to talk to the dead?

Klaus: I thought it added character.

Klaus: I thought they were doodles, so I added a few smiley faces and unicorns.

Five: You did what?!

Klaus: Don't worry, Five. I think the unicorns really add a touch of magic to your time equations.

Five: This isn't a joke, Klaus!

Dave: laughs That's a pretty exclusive club, Klaus.

Klaus: grins Well, you're also the only member of my heart.

Five: I don't think that's a good idea, Klaus.

Diego: That's interesting, Klaus. But what does that have to do with anything?

Klaus: I was just thinking that you and that one crow in the park have a lot in common.

Klaus: Sure, what's the clue?

Vanya: *smirks* Okay, the clue is 'a large African mammal with a long trunk.'

Klaus: Hmm, let me think... Is it a hippo?

Vanya: No, that's not it.

Klaus: Oh, right. It's a rhinoceros.

Vanya: Klaus, that's not even close.

Klaus: I am being serious, Diego. I'm dead serious. Or at least, I will be if you don't stop making me laugh.

Diego: I'm not trying to make you laugh.

Ben: No, what's the joke?

Diego: What? Why would I become a magician?

Luther: Yes, Klaus. What's your point?

Klaus: I am taking this seriously, Luther. Deadly serious. Or at least, I will be as soon as you stop wearing that ridiculous turtleneck.

Luther: What's wrong with my turtleneck?

Klaus: It's too tight. It's cutting off the circulation to your brain.

Luther: That's not even possible.

Diego: Uh, no Klaus, what do they say?

Dave: what do you normally do when I'm away?

Klaus: wait for you to come back 🥺